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JANUS2 posted August 06, 2009:

I enjoyed this review, ASchultz. It was a bit unusual because I typically expect your reviews to be fairly heavy on the analysis, but I admire the fact that you tried something different. I think it worked fairly well, too. The experience of playing 2400 AD comes across really well, which probably wouldn't have been the case if you had taken a more conventional approach.

Generally the descriptions were clear and vivid, but I did stumble over a few sentences. This one, for example: "They may prank the robots, whine or even know a thing or two, but assembling's out; the robots the Tzorgs left are, apparently, jealous about OTHER friends." Maybe I'm being stupid, but I don't quite follow this. Who are the other friends? The subversives?
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aschultz posted August 06, 2009:

Thanks! I tried something new and I'm glad you didn't find any huge holes.

The "other" friends is a reference to the other subversives:

1) the Tzorg robots are your friends
2) people might have friends--other people
3) the Tzorg robots are jealous of these friends

It's a tricky triangularization and I think I might do well to move it up. I think you saw this, but you had to fight to see it, and that's a sign I can be clearer.

Your suggestions to look harder to rewrite reviews as stories is a good one. I still don't know how to do this with Super Black Onyx, but I believe I can. I appreciate your encouragement for me to move beyond competence at "just" reviewing/analysis, and I am making a deliberate attempt to slow output to sit on a review and say, can I do anything extra with this.

I'd like to have put in something about how the "public service" messages get amusing after they repeat--some of them are "there has been a disturbance in sector X" and you know which NPC did it. They're also quite amusing as you get better, because you realize how little they may apply to you. I don't think I implied that strongly enough, but it would be tricky to put into the flow of the piece without making it analytical.

Well, that's what rewrites are for.

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