Dredd is a really good action movie, and you should see it in theatres before it's gone.

That is all.

One Chance is a bad game for obvious reasons. The graphics are poor, the music is repetitive, the guy walks slowly, the story is silly, player interaction is minimal, and victory is achieved through repetition instead of mastery. Its claim to fame is that you only have one chance unless you game the system.

I view people who subscribe to the holy book of Canabalt the same way that Orson Scott Card intended readers to view Xenocide's Qing-Jao: as obsessive and deranged failures, compulsively tracing lines in wood until they realize they've accomplished nothing. Then they die.

Once upon a time, all this blood and nudity would have been daring. I remember gasping in awe when playing the originals . . . of course, those were marketed towards pre-teens who couldn't even get into R-rated flicks. In today's world, hacking up misshapen beasts and grabbing softcore pics just isn't enough.

I remember drooling over magazine screenshots for Rad Mobile, known back in 1991 as "that 32-bit arcade game WHOA MOMMA". I remember actually playing Rad Mobile and being impressed by that first intersection where I had to pass through cross-traffic, as well as the police car barricade . . . in which cruisers actually passed me and spun horizontally to bring my runaway radmobile to a halt.

The top of an outdated genre isn't a bad place to be. Super Sprint will always have a place in any respectable classic arcade. Give it a shot to see what the cranky old-timers used to play; I bet you'll have trouble walking away.

Samurai Shodown Sen is not an awful game. The only way it could be considered "awful" would be to ignore the barely playable fighters that have come out over the last twenty years. The characters perform expected actions whenever I press the buttons, and -- aside from plastic doll faces -- the graphics are well beyond "PlayStation 2 quality". I can say this with confidence because I've actually played PS2 games.

Hentai games are big business over in Japan. They're such big business that companies will actually shoehorn sex scenes into otherwise innocent PC games just to meet market demand. Utawarerumono -- a competent combination of visual novel and turn-based strategy -- is one of those games, and a popular one at that, although the PS2 version has been tamed.

WELCOME BACK TO DARIUS

Fiery flying fish. Wailing mutoid infants. Sharks seeking vengeance.

Ever since composer Koji Hayama played the drums for classmates at a school festival, his dream was to "be famous". Cho Aniki's serendipitous success made his dream come true. When the Japanese speak of culturally significant videogames, they speak of Dragon Quest, Final Fantasy, and Cho Aniki.

"Cyberpunk isn’t just a genre -- it’s a mindset. It’s a mindset that knows it’s beneath the thumb of corporate greed, but tries to dig itself out anyway. It’s a mindset that sneers at the shallow mainstreamers who swallow the recycled maxims of pseudo-intellectualism."

Hokuto Musou -- coming to the West as Fist of the North Star: Ken's Rage -- is a proper sequel. Since this is a Musou game, I expected it to play like a Musou game. It often doesn't. Instead of presenting a series of sprawling warzones, the game gives us straightforward levels; simplistic obstacles must be passed, traps must be avoided, and switches must be flipped. Koei has built a world that's out to get noble Kenshiro -- they've built a world in the spir...

Slime Master stars a lovely blonde lass with perky breasts. Since the developers failed to give her a name, I'll call her Pamela. She's a shy one, requiring not one but two bedroom visits before getting naked.

When I think of "terror", I don't think of dirty hallways in need of a janitor. I think of grim forests populated by child-eating trees. I think of dungeons adorned with living statues that exist solely to murder little girls. Cotton weaves through obstacles in all of these areas, accompanied only by the nearly-naked fairy Silk (don't call Silk an "option"; she hates that). Everything else is trying to kill Cotton.

Sylphia throws so much at players early on, but somehow still keeps producing surprising new opponents for every level. This is not native Japanese mythology, but the designers immersed themselves in the spirit. Winged gargoyles carry crossbow-wielding Spartans. A skeleton charioteer -- one horn broken from his ram's head helmet -- whips at you from afar. The flying chariot is pulled by manticores instead of horses. It's as though the developers stole some child's sketchbook a...

With grandiose symphony and fiery passion, Sony's declaration is clear: this is an epic the likes of which the world may never see again. The game's opening moments plunge this brazen ambition into the hearts of those who've forgotten such fanciful dreams. A host of titans wage war against the gods of Olympus, and the chaotic path along which players guide Kratos is truly unnerving. The ground itself shakes, for that ground is the back of the titan Gaia. Parasitic serpents burst from Gaia's ...

Metal Slug XX is a remake of the DS's Metal Slug 7. After playing the new version, I don't think I can go back. The cartoony visuals have been expanded to a proper resolution, showing off the same zany antics we've watched for 14 years. Two-player simultaneous action has been added, creating a cooperative experience we've enjoyed since 1996. And it's still impossible to aim diagonally.

I'm going to tell you about an obscure survival horror game. The name of this obscure survival horror game is Enemy Zero and it stars Laura from D's Diner . . . but it doesn't star Laura the character, it stars Laura the actress, because game designer Kenji Eno was an avant-garde madman who wanted to turn CG models into small-screen starlets.

When I borrowed a Turbo Duo back in 1993, I cycled through over a dozen games in the span of two days. While most of those 48 hours became a blur, a few moments stood out; Shadow of the Beast's conceptually simple title screen was one. Grass gorgeously scrolls underneath the beast's feet as clouds pass overhead, and the quiet soundtrack — initially a simple series of bells — gradually becomes an epic showcase of strong percussion, evocative wind pipes, and resounding chimes. It's simpl...

Some have said No More Heroes is like nothing you've seen before. Unfortunately, fans can't say the same for its sequel. It often feels like a budget-priced, sugar-free facsimile of the original; less of a time investment, but ultimately less satisfying. That being said, I enjoyed Desperate Struggle enough to know that newcomers will be floored by its action and insanity.

The nimble and unusual lead character perfectly matches the fast-paced, responsive combat. Bayonetta features a blend of third-person melee and gunplay similar to Devil May Cry; sword slices are followed by pistol shots, although you're free to personalize your fighting style by attaching different weapons to each appendage. If you don't care for the sword-and-pistol combination, then use the whip to toss angels into the air, and blow them away with the Kilgore cannon!