Review Archives (All Reviews)

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Available Reviews
	Jurassic Park: The Lost World review (ARC) Reviewed on August 01, 2004 I usually dislike games that are based on movies, especially if the game seems to follow every aspect of the movie accurately. The gameplay is just a rundown of what you’ve already seen and you know how the story is going to be resolved and also you know the twists in the story. However, a lot of movie games nowadays tend to lead off from the main story and create sub-stories that follow the real plot from behind.
	Beyblade review (PSX) Reviewed on July 31, 2004 Do you want the manifestation of hell along with an agony that not even torture could dish out, all bundled up in a CD plus case for the low price of $14. 99? Look no further, for what you want is all in a relatively unknown Playstation game known by the title Beyblade! It’s guaranteed to make you retch, grab your head and repeatedly hit it on your controller to make the pain end, and convince even the most optimistic of people that there is no hope for humanity. If it doesn’t, well, you ...
	Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast review (PC) Reviewed on July 31, 2004 Star Wars is terrible. Not just those recent iterations, but the entire series. Rich science fiction settings and intriguing elements of fantasy are painfully mixed together with infantile philosophy and a massive, unforgivable layer of cheese. Being the self-controlled guy that I am, I managed to dive into the videogame rendition of the Star Wars universe by way of the oft-vaunted Jedi Outcast, without letting my previously formed opinion of the franchise affect my newly formed opinion o...
	Ecco the Dolphin review (SCD) Reviewed on July 31, 2004 Adolescence is a difficult time for girls and boys. Apparently it's a difficult time for bottle-nosed dolphins too, as our young hero Ecco finds himself violently hurled into a quest to establish his own identity and independence while saving the entire dolphin species from the carnivorous alien race ''Vortex'' with little more than his own human-surpassing intelligence and the ability to explode voracious hammerhead sharks by squealing at them in his adorable dolphin voice: ''Eeeeeeeee!'' ...
	Final Fantasy X review (PS2) Reviewed on July 30, 2004 Final Fantasy X reached down a mighty, benevolent hand and pulled a faltering series from the tepid water in which it was drowning. Years of terrible indiscretions were forgotten in an instant, as the epic quest of Tidus and Yuna banished former Final Fantasy failures to the backs of minds everywhere. Earlier instalments of this perennial series had been keen to show off a “newfound maturity”, bombarding us with hour upon hour of overbearing melodrama, and “romances” seemingly plucked from the p...
	Sabre Wulf review (GBA) Reviewed on July 30, 2004 That game was announced way back in 2001 and is finally here after a long wait. After his adventure 15 years ago on Commodore 64, Sabreman is back to chase the Sabrewulf once again. This time, the wulf which was sealed away in a statue was freed by Dr. Doo-Little-Goode to achieve his evil plans. Now the country relies on Sabreman to restore peace once again and seal back the wulf. A bigger adventure awaits our hero this time.
	The Getaway review (PS2) Reviewed on July 29, 2004 It's crap living in Britain. Truly dire. We have finally gotten rid of the Black Death, but we're still plagued by the mind-numbing scenery, the vomit-inducing food, and the jaw-dropping idiocy of the vast majority of our population. Worst of all though is that unchanging, unescapable chalk-grey sky; I'd go so far as to say it is the sole reason that life in the United Kingdom is so unbearably fucking grim.
	Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles review (XBX) Reviewed on July 29, 2004 In early stages, the game likes to present you with common ‘purple dragon’ street thugs. They’re every bit as foolish as their name implies. Many times, they’ll dawdle at the entrance to alleys, lined up like bowling pins and waiting for you to roll in for the strike. If they counter at all (and they do as you ratchet up the game’s selectable difficulty levels), you can usually just zip out of the way with a dash, or be sure that your sword is sticking out when they charge with pieces of pipe brandished like clubs.
	Mad Paradox review (PC) Reviewed on July 28, 2004 To play Mad Paradox is to step into a world of mediocrity. It’s an RPG that skimps on all the ingredients that can make an RPG great. The battles are neither unique nor exciting, you’re given only an excruciatingly tiny area to explore, and there isn’t any engrossing story or character development. The makers of this title decided to forego all those amenities, instead placing an emphasis on pleasing the viewer’s visual receptors. To captivate its audience, Mad Paradox reli...
	Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance review (GBA) Reviewed on July 28, 2004 The first video gaming system I owned was an Atari 2600. You could play ports of a vast majority of that time period’s most beloved arcade games on that classic system. Of course, since the Atari 2600 wasn’t the most powerful thing around, those ports weren’t exactly identical to the original. Graphics and sound were simplified as much possible and a decent number of things from the arcade game would be left on Atari’s cutting-room floor. Hell, that system couldn’t even include the fruit from th...
	Viper review (APP2) Reviewed on July 27, 2004 Honestly, the only reason to keep playing is for that next high score (which you can thankfully save to disc). There’s just nothing else to motivate you, since the best part of the graphical presentation is the title screen, and since sound is limited mostly to the ‘beeeoooooop!’ sound you’ll hear when you smash into yourself after a chain of mini-feasts.
	Gate of Thunder review (TGCD) Reviewed on July 25, 2004 Gate relentlessly rocks hard and intense, whether it's level one's appropriate 'let's get it on' tone, or level two's melancholy 'this could get sticky' tune, or level seven's 'you know what must be done' closing track. Never before have I been so into a shooter, and perfect weapon system and engaging enemies aside, the music lends the greatest hand to selling me on this purest excitement. Pure, because there is no nostalgia at work (the game is wholly new to me), no feelings of collector's pride (I bought it manual-less and case-less), no feelings of being on the cutting edge (it's a decade old). The exhilaration is as genuine as it gets.
	Need for Speed: Underground review (PS2) Reviewed on July 23, 2004 The Need For Speed series has always been about exotic cars on sunny, scenic roads. However, straying far from the beaten path, this installment takes you to the cold, underground world of street racing.
	Final Fantasy VII review (PSX) Reviewed on July 23, 2004 Remember the good ol’ days before RPGs were cool? Days when you’d be controlling tiny, blocky characters through a game with little story beyond destroying the forces of evil?
	Street Fighter review (ARC) Reviewed on July 21, 2004 "YOOVE GAHT AH ROHT TOO RAHN BEFOH YOO BEET MEE, TOORIGH AGAAYN KEED (heh heh heh hahahahaha)"
	Double Dragon review (A2600) Reviewed on July 21, 2004 You’ve got to give Activision credit for ignoring both the hardware’s obvious limitations and a dose of common sense to throw caution to the wind and attempt it anyway. Pity that you can’t give them credit for the game itself.
	Friday the 13th review (NES) Reviewed on July 21, 2004 The NES adaptation of Friday the 13th takes this laughably awful (and sometimes merely “awful”) saga full of campy dialogue, bloody hatchets and lacy perfumed underthings, only to cast them aside in favor of an awkward mix of action and strategy.
	Mega Man X3 review (SNES) Reviewed on July 21, 2004 The prolificness of Mega Man X3 is something that very few games can stand up to. It is clear-cuttedly the sleek and shiny diamond of Capcom’s notorious Mega Man X series, having just rebounded off the lusterless sapphire known as Mega Man X2. Orgasmic platforming festiveness doesn’t come in a better configuration of recreation than this, and a player will find this credible as they sink into the addicting gameplay like a weight worker at late night into a boiling tub.
	Street Fighter II' Champion Edition review (ARC) Reviewed on July 21, 2004 Street Fighter 2: Championship edition was the first revamp of the original World Warrior. Capcom hit solid gold with this version but as they continued the series it lost a lot of its charm and as usual Capcom continually upgraded the game creating many sub series like Street Fighter Alpha, and Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo and so on and so forth. When push comes to shove SF2CE is the most enjoyable out of the lot. With classic 2-D fighting action and some of the most memorable theme songs you...
	Call of Duty review (PC) Reviewed on July 21, 2004 When Call of Duty came out, I didn't give it much thought. I hadn't really heard that much of it but a lot of people were talking about it. For some reason or another, I checked out some reviews of it. I'm glad I did.

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