About Me: Taking up all the good oxygen. Find me complaining on twitter under @EmPitude. I only forget it exists for months at a time, now.

Remember that time the Earth exploded?

RymdResa describes itself as a poetic space odyssey which is weird – that’s weird, right? I wasn’t entirely sure what I could expect when presented with a game described as such. It goes on to say how it’s a combat free exploration game that uses abstract poetry in an attempt to convey the crippling isolation of space. My first playthrough ended in my explosive death thirty seconds in.

As did the majority of my attempts. You start the game stranded in the dead of space with no real clue as of what you’re doing and why. There’s a vague pointer herding you in the direction of, I don’t know, something, and in following it I almost always fell afoul of a meteor shower or got sucked into the gravitational pull of a nearby spiteful sun. Stupid, stupid suns.

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Talking to LOOT before they're lynched for Velocibox-related crimes

Q: How do you intend to return all those hours I’ve pumped into Velocibox?
A: Well, we can’t return the hours but we can offer you an amazing PS4 dynamic theme which is included in the bundle at launch. Trust me, it will ease your pain ;)

Q: I saw scrolling yellow column walls in my sleep for months. Why would you inflict this on a whole new platform?
A: It is so nice to hear that I am not the only one who has had Velocibox infect my psyche. At LOOT Interactive, we are always looking for games that present players with a real challenge. Needless to say, Velocibox definitely fits the bill. It is a unique game that translates extremely well to consoles. We are excited to share it with the PlayStation community.

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Because there honestly was a time when I felt that covering this system was a really good idea

::After Burner::

The best version of this game I have yet to play,.

::Corpse Killer::

Why the hell did Digital Pictures release this awful game three bloody times?

::Cosmic Carnage::

Updated a generic female sprite from the original Japanese release so that she was, instead, constantly on fire for exactly no reason.

::Darxide::

The most expensive bad time you can have this side of buying a Nottingham Forest season ticket

::Primal Rage::

Primal Rage port no. 47

::Slam City with Scottie Pippin::

Because, what basketball videogames have been crying out for is FMV.

::Supreme Warrior::

OH GOD, I CAN FEEL MY LOVE OF THIS HOBBY DYING WHICH EACH SECOND I PLAY

::T-MEK::

In a city filled with giant mechs where nothing of notice happens at all.

::Kolibri::

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Remember when I put these things out once a month? Whatever happened to that?

I often think that keeping DE around has been a mistake that’s too late to rectify. In this case, he’s a pain in the arse because he’s one of those MOBAers and, like all those MOBAers, spends a lot of time telling people they should be playing MOBAs. I spent some time a few years back playing Awesomenauts, which was enough for me, so I managed to ignore him for many a year. then Infinity Crisis became a thing. And it ate hours of my life. And now it’s dead.

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Wherein I learn just how easy I am to manipulate.

DE: Know why you're always wasting time with those written reviews? Because video editing is above you! I used to edit videos and, as such, am qualified to conclude that it is above you.

Me: I'll show you!

Here is a thing I did. It's the first section of a playthrough of a game I recently played. I have more footage but, good god, is it a dull time sink and there's every chance this little experiment will die here.

Still there we go. Another thing I can do. And now choose not to.

One of these days, I'll post one of these in time....

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The stuff I played last month.

Finished off the last little bit of Supreme League of Patriots. Now to just wait and see if anything else comes of that.

Grey Goo -- what a timesink that became. Because it was a review code, I decided the best thing to do in this case would be to stick it on easy mode so I could get a good enough feel for the game and move through it quick enough to form an opinion. I consider myself a decent strat player because otherwise it’s hard to justify all those hundreds of hours I've thrown at X-Com over the years. Goo still kicked my arse and then acted largely smug about it. I thought I’d console myself by taking it to the multiplayer servers and got bitch-slapped there, too.

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