Forums > Contributor Zone > Random Steam Crapshoot -- How to claim your free game and regret it.

So, it was the start of last year and I had found myself with a bunch of mostly random steam codes through some twitter lottery thing I didn’t know I had signed up for. “I know what I’ll do with these”, thought Gary. “I’ll revise the old Because I Hate You tourney thing Boo and I used to do and instead offer out random codes for games that I expect are not going to be great”. And then I got fluid in my lungs, didn’t die out of spite and forgot about the entire thing until I just saw all the codes sitting in my google docs. I should probably do something about that.

And do something about it, I shall! I don’t really have it in me to do a tourney like originally planned, so here’s the revision. I will give you, the ungrateful readers, one of these codes upon request and in return you will review it, whatever it is. There’s no limit to this, you can do it as often as you want until I run out of codes, just so long as you finish up the review before you request the next one. In the event that you get a game you can’t because it’s VR, or just doesn’t work, I will give you another one. Just to be clear, I very much doubt you’re going to get big studio releases, but I’ve honestly no idea. Maybe you’ll score GTA V. Maybe you’ll get Resident Evil 2. But you’ll probably get Hentai Slide Puzzle or MSPaint Platformer 12.

I’ll HGMail you a code upon declaration of interest. I’ll be interested to know what you got, but if you want to keep it quiet until you work out a review, that’s cool, too. Of course, it goes without saying that any of you that break the sacred bond of trust I’m extending in this will be dead to me forevermore.

REVIEW #01: I'm Turkey: Masters
REVIEW #02: Last Fort: Jerec
REVIEW #03: Pekan Bye Bye; Jedward
REVIEW #04: Scream of the Viking: Joe
REVIEW #05: Sexual Puzzle: Joe
REVIEW #06: Crazy Road: Jerec
REVIEW #07: Space Shaft: Joe
REVIEW #08: Dogcoin: Nightfire
REVIEW #09: Keatz: Joe

For us. For them. For you.

I am actually intrigued by this.

Sorry to hear about your health issues. If you died that would've sucked.

I can avoid death by not having a life.

I hear nothing but bad things about death. Best avoid it, that's my advice.

I've sent you a code. Best of luck!

For us. For them. For you.

Okay, sign me up for this nonsense.

I don't have to prove I'm refined - that's what makes me refined!

One code, winging your way.

For us. For them. For you.

I will do it. I will take the Steam code to Mordor.

placid like acid

Your code awaits.

For us. For them. For you.

Last Fort

I can avoid death by not having a life.

I'll sign up, as long as you're okay with not receiving the review for a little bit.

The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.

There's a part of me that would love to sign up, considering how the games for this reviewed so far seem gloriously bad to the degree that people are opening reviews with how their game has been purged from Steam.

But there's also the pragmatic part of me that figures that due to the factors of (a) MAC-owner, (b) not really a gaming computer (lower RAM than a gaming PC by far) and (c) since I only really use Steam for the sort of western RPG where things can be handled via keyboard and mouse, I've never bothered with getting a controller for it (or showing the inclination to do any research on using one of mine with Steam) there could be logistic problems.

I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle

If I have one takeaway from what I've seen so far... these games are dreadful, but they're quite short.

Also this junk doesn't get controller support.

I can avoid death by not having a life.

Jerec's right. Lack of gamepad and weak gaming rig won't stop you from playing these games. Thus far, they're not advanced enough to trouble anything that can run flash browser games. Your hilarious dalliance with the old overprice paperweight hipster's calculator Steve Job's greatest troll Mac will be. Even asset swap bottom-of-the-barrel devs turn their nose up and that nonsense.

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Well, guess I'll just have to stick with Divinity: Original Sin when I get on Steam. Legit shame I won't be self-forcing myself to put up a brutally tough, but fun RPG in order to play something programmed by clowns. DAMN SHAME!

But, yeah, I figured the Mac thing would be a deal-breaker because there's no way the sort of stuff you guys have been reviewing as part of this is going to be on a professional level where "multi-system support" is part of the equation.

I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle

I finished mine in a few minutes, and man is it awful. Like, I'm Turkey awful.

The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.

I am inspired to make a game where turkeys fire shotguns from the hip

Thank you, sir, may I have another?

The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.

Sexual Puzzle is now up. I am game for another shot if you have more keys left.

The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.

Still got plenty left.

For us. For them. For you.

I'll go another round!

I can avoid death by not having a life.

Last Fort was terrible in a funny sort of way. This game was bad in a more boring sort of way.

Crazy Road

I can avoid death by not having a life.

My Space Shaft review has been submitted on a timer, and will drop around 12:30 AM PST. If you don't mind, I'd like to throw my hat in one (possibly) final time.

The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.

Review is here.

And no, I am not asking for another.

placid like acid

You don't know what you could be missing out on! Literally!

Dogcoin looks like a real stinker, though. Hard to gauge what the worst of the lost might be so far, but it's in with a good shout.

For us. For them. For you.

Two still outstanding: Jedward and Overdrive still need to settle their account.

Also got plenty of these left. Will I ever run out? Who knows!

For us. For them. For you.

I'll get to it soon! I was expecting to need a quick review due to work being really busy in March-April, which always kills my contributing for a few weeks. But then came COVID and that schedule lightened up a good bit, so it's not been like that. Gotta finish a Hollow Knight review and type a new one for Image Fight (one of those really rare "re-do something from the crappy old GameFaqs days" ones I occasionally do) and then I should be able to tackle whatever that thing you gave me is. Well, unless I've beaten something I'm currently playing, but there's only one of those games where that's a possibility.

I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle