I'm going to pretend now that this will be a regular thing, but it likely won't be. I will try, though!

I thought it useful to list all the new games I've been playing over the last month, if for no other reason than to get my shit together (read: shame myself into putting an end to my endless Steam shopping). I've officially turned into that little kid in a room of toys who says, "I'm BORED! I have nothing to play!" much to the chagrin of his overextended parents.

I need to curb that type of behaviour right away!

So here goes:

The Messenger - starts off as an awesome NES Ninja Gaiden redux for the new millenium and overstays its welcome a bit when it turns into a slightly-less-awesome metroidvania along the way.

Portal - gonna beat it again. I'm almost done and it's as great as it always was.

Revenge of Shinobi - best muzak evar. Joe's slow walk and the shitty double jump really hurt the replayability here.

Shoot 1UP - decent top down shooter with a cool 'all your extra ships onscreen at once' gimmick. Beat it on easy in one short sitting.

Enslaved - seems like a generic 3D action game featuring a hot, scantily clad female sidekick, but Emp swears it's special. Probably I shouldn't judge it after just one level.

Boobs Saga - the amazing sequel to Bloody Boobs. Very improved graphics and... sexy options. The actual game part of the equation still seems to be ass.

Cally's Trials - just like Cally's Caves 3 and 4, but where your progress doesn't really save... it's the series' attempt at rogue lite and it's not a good idea.

8-Bit Commando - Contra, but super sluggish, and with worse graphics. No thanks.

Guacamelee! - fantastic. It's a funny, lighthearted take on the Super Metroid formula that works much better than I thought it could. I should probably review it, but I won't.

Castlevania: Lords of Shadow - Ugh. Generic Devil May Cry action, but Dante has a whip.

Forsaken Castle - cutesy metroidvania starring an adorable female protagonist. Unfortunately she's plodding and everything feels so derivative.

The Blackwell Legacy - old school point and clicker and the first in a series of five games. Emp swears it's great, but I'm not enjoying myself.

The Last Door: Season 2 - it's not as good as the first season, but it's still a notable Lovecraftian tribute played out in pixelly point and click fashion.

QP Shooting - Dangerous!! - Cute vert shmup that did very little for me.

The Vagrant - Rough around the edges side scrolling hack and slash adventure starring clunky writing and big boobs.

Q-YO Blaster - Weird horizontal shmup with good, shiny 16-bit-esque graphics and some light bullet hell elements. Beat it on easy and likely won't look back.

Danmaku Unlimited 3 - good bullet hell entry, with a unique aesthetic that might start to grate after awhile.

Alltynet Second - RayStorm's long lost cousin, but with swordplay and inferior presentation.

Jets'n'Guns Gold - a terrible horizontal euroshmup. I'm returning this.

Wild Guns Reloaded - cool update of the SNES behind-the-back shooter.

Sky Force Anniversary - I don't know why I bought this. I already have Sky Force Reloaded and this is like... the same.

The Mummy Demastered - fun metroidvania that's much better than the movie upon which it's loosely based.

Tomb Raider - I beat it when it first came out on PS3 and loved it then. The Steam version holds up well, years later.

The King of Fighters XIV - I think I'm through with fighting games.

Rival Megagun - The game that made Emp famous behind a pack of lies and a way with words.

Magicians & Looters - somewhat weak and forgettable metroidvania effort.

Steam and Metal - steampunk vertical shmup that put up a small fight my first and only time through it.

Timespinner - wonderful if slightly short metroidvania starring a female cast with an inspired SNES aesthetic. Recommended.

Jamestown - awesome and super accessible bullet hell with soaring soundtrack and unique motif. Excellent.

Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light - meh. I'm sure it would be better if I were playing it with a friend as was intended.

Aggelos - decent Wonderboy in Monsterland type quest. Very cute and colourful, but doesn't really leave an impression.

Cluckles' Adventure - I enjoyed this puzzle-y action game on my i-phone, and it's just as addicting -- if limited -- on Steam.

Conarium - Exceedingly slow moving Lovecraftian tribute. I tried my best to like it.

Double Dragon Trilogy - A flawed collection of a flawed trio of beat-em-ups, but it's cheap and DD2's mission is legendary from the second level track to the fight with Arnold by the conveyor belt. Man, did DD3 suck hard though.

Cursed Castilla - Ghouls 'n Ghosts clone done right. Very hard and very fun. Take note, Battle Princess Madelyn!

Ori and the Blind Forest: Definitive Edition - As beautiful as it is boring.

Owlboy - Very clunky central fight mechanics sabotage a wonderfully written and drawn game before it can get off the ground.

Kamui - Another in the Alltynex series. So again, like RayStorm, but not as good.

BlazBlue: Chronophantasma Extend - did I mention that I need to give up on fighting games? Cuz I really do.

Phoenix Force - Limp vertical shmup that feels like an unremarkable mobile game (it probably is?).

Hentai Shooter 3D - horrendous Wolfenstein 3D-alike, only the bad guys are moaning girls that you bring to heel with a metaphor for your swollen member. Yup, this is an actual game.

So if I'm keeping score, of the games that were new to me (so not Portal or Tomb Raider), only Timespinner, The Mummy, and The Messenger were awesome. That's a pretty bad ratio of amazing to... otherwise.