Commission

I think I can probably come up with a few.

Oh, man; I have to read those.

I might be able to come up with some stuff, too... but mine's nothing really impressive. And I'd like to remain anonymous if I did submit anything.

My name's Gary from England and I have multiple stories concerning myself, hamsters, candle wax, an eggbeater, old-timey glass Coca-Cola bottles, packets of hot sauce, animal porn, three construction workers and family members unexpectedly walking in on me while all this was going down.

Please let me know how graphic I may get with the content for your fine site, as multiple psychiatrists have told me I need to get these incidents off my chest to start the healing process (both physically and mentally).

Jokes on you, Oddy; we never got those glass Coke bottles over here!

Ew, you've watched animal porn? You're a sick man. Sick. Man.

...so that's why you hate badgers so much..

My name's Gary from England and due to mild brain trauma from a game of football (that's soccer for you stupid Yanks that don't know better, not that moronically sanitized crap you call football!!!!) that went horribly wrong followed by an ill-advised game of cricket (which even I can't explain...), I mistakenly said old-timey Coca-Cola bottles when I really meant bottles of Guinness.

Still, if you want a series of, say, my 14 most explicit confessions, I'm more than willing to share them with you! Just make sure you give me plenty of advance notice, as my next few days may be pretty loaded, as I've decided to make yet another marathon run-through of Monsterseed, Chrono Cross and Final Fantasy Tactics back-to-back-to-back.

Cheerio and God Save the Queen!!!!

"Jokes on you, Oddy; we never got those glass Coke bottles over here!"

There's an offlicense near me that sells them.

Leeds was annexed from Great Britain long ago.

You're like Jersey now.

EDIT: No one uses that many explanation marks this side of the pond, Oddy. It's a clear sign of madness.

Exclamation marks, dear; exclamation marks.

The whole "minor brain trauma" thing explains every potential inaccuracy in "Gary from England's" posts including use of that many exclamation marks. As well as you just calling them explaination marks.

I went to Gary's house once. It was more like a dungeon with rotting Frenchmen subleasing the extra space. I think I also saw an inflatable Margaret Thatcher doll.

...I also saw an inflatable Margaret Thatcher doll

...I don't even want to think about what he does with that.

They drink tea together, I'm sure. Everyone knows that all British people do is sit around sipping tea. I've watched enough episodes of "Keeping Up Appearances" to know all about those wacky Brits.

EmP,you totally can buy glass coke bottles over here...

"explanation marks"

Gary. Did you... I mean, did you really just write that?

Not only did I typo that, I also seem to live in an area that has something against glass coke bottles becauase I can safely say I have never once seen one in my entire life.

"Hi. I'm Gary from England and my American chums all have a stronger command of English than I do. Especially that WQ lady who does all my editing for me. Bloody harpy." =P

They drink tea together, I'm sure.

Pfft. I drink more tea than he does. >_> I think. At least when I'm sick.