I don't have a whole lot to talk about except that I'm exhausted. I tried to get this done on Monday, but a planned power outage cut that scheme short. I didn't have time again until Thursday night/Friday morning...
Horror Movie Viewings
Eyes Without a Face (1960)- A surgeon wishes to transplant a face onto his daughter, as hers was mangled in a horrible accident. Of course, no one is going around donating them, so he acquires them by kidnapping young women and cutting their faces off. This one's not so much scary as unnerving, and you can't help but feel bad for most of the characters. There isn't much to say except the performances were fantastic and the storytelling precisely what it should have been.
Graveyard Shift (1990)- Based on a short story by Stephen King, textile workers attempt to clean out their mill's basement. However, they struggle to finish the job when a massive, man-eating bat begins picking them off. This one is pure schlock, with terrific creature effects and not much else. The plot is a bore, and the characters are mostly one-dimensional. Oh, and it also has Brad Dourif (Chucky) and Andrew Divoff (the Wishmaster), so at least it has that going for it.
Psycho Goreman (2020)- A couple of children unearth a mass-murdering alien overlord, whom they force to be their playmate with the power of a gemstone. Those who sealed him become aware of his resurrection, and set course for Earth to deal with him. This movie is... it's something, alright. It's somehow fun, annoying, cheesy, awesome, and cringeworthy all at the same time. It's very over-the-top, but might grate some people's nerves with its self-awareness rather than delight them.
The Wailing (2016)- A series of murders linked to a mysterious illness cause Korean villagers to suspect their new Japanese neighbor of being a supernatural entity. This leads them to hiring a shaman to deal with him, not realizing they're only making the situation worse... This is a pretty complex movie that keeps you guessing. The less about it you know, the better. It also does a great job of telling its story more through implications and subtlety than by outright stating what's transpiring. My only complaint is that it runs a bit longer than it needs to.
Baskin (2015)- Five Turkish police officers find themselves in a surreal hellscape, where they are prisoners of a monstrous cult bent on torture and mutilation. This one takes a bit to really get going, but pays patience with a grisly and--simply put--freakin' weird latter half. Plus, Mehmet Cerrahoglu is awesome in it.
Reviews and Placing
Dagoss - Balloon Kid ***SECOND PLACE***
Ah, I remember this game. A friend of mine gave it to me way back when. There are a few errors present here (I think you meant "portable" and not "portal," for instance), but this is an otherwise wonderful review. You start off with the usual history lesson, then segue into the game's mechanics. Impressively, you encapsulate what works about this title in a single paragraph without getting into dry, technical bits.
Overdrive - Castle of Illusion ***THIRD PLACE***
I don't really have much to say about this review. It's solidly built, flows really well, and gives a fair rundown of pretty much your average platformer. It might feel a little "one size fits all" in some ways, but the game is pretty "one size fits all," so that's understandable.
EmP - San Goku Shi IV ***REVIEW OF THE WEEK***
First thought: Wait, so is this like Journey to the West Tactics or something? (Nope, wrong Chinese novel.)
Second thought, after reading the tagline: I'm going to guess you place a lot of little red flags in this game. I really hope so, because that would make this tagline the ace of all this site's puns.
Games like this rarely receive reviews, and we rarely see the kind of critiques this one received. Romance IV was apparently a good title, but this iteration isn't worth considering because A) it's an enhanced edition that's not all that enhanced, B) it's expensive as all get out because of its rarity, and C) its appeal is limited because it's on a failed system, was only released in one country, and would only be enjoyed by a person who can read Japanese, still owns a working 32X, and doesn't have access to cheaper versions. That rundown alone, along with the deft manner with which you explain this outing, earns this one the crown.
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You ain't got the authority to declare "happy birthday!"
Horror Movie Viewings
Eyes Without a Face (1960)- A surgeon wishes to transplant a face onto his daughter, as hers was mangled in a horrible accident. Of course, no one is going around donating them, so he acquires them by kidnapping young women and cutting their faces off. This one's not so much scary as unnerving, and you can't help but feel bad for most of the characters. There isn't much to say except the performances were fantastic and the storytelling precisely what it should have been.
Graveyard Shift (1990)- Based on a short story by Stephen King, textile workers attempt to clean out their mill's basement. However, they struggle to finish the job when a massive, man-eating bat begins picking them off. This one is pure schlock, with terrific creature effects and not much else. The plot is a bore, and the characters are mostly one-dimensional. Oh, and it also has Brad Dourif (Chucky) and Andrew Divoff (the Wishmaster), so at least it has that going for it.
Psycho Goreman (2020)- A couple of children unearth a mass-murdering alien overlord, whom they force to be their playmate with the power of a gemstone. Those who sealed him become aware of his resurrection, and set course for Earth to deal with him. This movie is... it's something, alright. It's somehow fun, annoying, cheesy, awesome, and cringeworthy all at the same time. It's very over-the-top, but might grate some people's nerves with its self-awareness rather than delight them.
The Wailing (2016)- A series of murders linked to a mysterious illness cause Korean villagers to suspect their new Japanese neighbor of being a supernatural entity. This leads them to hiring a shaman to deal with him, not realizing they're only making the situation worse... This is a pretty complex movie that keeps you guessing. The less about it you know, the better. It also does a great job of telling its story more through implications and subtlety than by outright stating what's transpiring. My only complaint is that it runs a bit longer than it needs to.
Baskin (2015)- Five Turkish police officers find themselves in a surreal hellscape, where they are prisoners of a monstrous cult bent on torture and mutilation. This one takes a bit to really get going, but pays patience with a grisly and--simply put--freakin' weird latter half. Plus, Mehmet Cerrahoglu is awesome in it.
Reviews and Placing
Dagoss - Balloon Kid ***SECOND PLACE***
Ah, I remember this game. A friend of mine gave it to me way back when. There are a few errors present here (I think you meant "portable" and not "portal," for instance), but this is an otherwise wonderful review. You start off with the usual history lesson, then segue into the game's mechanics. Impressively, you encapsulate what works about this title in a single paragraph without getting into dry, technical bits.
Overdrive - Castle of Illusion ***THIRD PLACE***
I don't really have much to say about this review. It's solidly built, flows really well, and gives a fair rundown of pretty much your average platformer. It might feel a little "one size fits all" in some ways, but the game is pretty "one size fits all," so that's understandable.
EmP - San Goku Shi IV ***REVIEW OF THE WEEK***
First thought: Wait, so is this like Journey to the West Tactics or something? (Nope, wrong Chinese novel.)
Second thought, after reading the tagline: I'm going to guess you place a lot of little red flags in this game. I really hope so, because that would make this tagline the ace of all this site's puns.
Games like this rarely receive reviews, and we rarely see the kind of critiques this one received. Romance IV was apparently a good title, but this iteration isn't worth considering because A) it's an enhanced edition that's not all that enhanced, B) it's expensive as all get out because of its rarity, and C) its appeal is limited because it's on a failed system, was only released in one country, and would only be enjoyed by a person who can read Japanese, still owns a working 32X, and doesn't have access to cheaper versions. That rundown alone, along with the deft manner with which you explain this outing, earns this one the crown.
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You ain't got the authority to declare "happy birthday!"
The only thing my milkshake brings to the yard is a subpoena.
