Forums > Contributor Zone > THE JANUS CUP -- the worldwide reviewing tourney

You all still suck

Various sports have long pitted the world against each over in vicious events seemingly custom built so you can be a little more ashamed of being English. Unless it’s based in America, in which case they call it a world championship but don’t actually include anyone else outside their borders because, I dunno, stereotypical lack of geographical skills? No one else cares about NFL? This isn’t getting me anywhere.

THE JANUS CUP is reviewing attempt at the Ryder Cup, which is this thing were America lose at golf every few years to Europe. As such, the reviewers in question all declare their alliances and write a review for a game of their choice to be judged by a panel of people who have yet to be determined. The top three scores in each squad are then totalled up and the highest score wins.

But, you ask, what of our friends outside of these areas? Of the Canadians and the Austrians Australians and the like? Congratulations, you are now highly coveted free agents who can be hired for whatever team you’d prefer to side with. Though choice or by cunning bartering with each side’s leading voice.

So, gather round all and play for misplaced patriotic pride or pure mercantile glory. Below I welcome the sounds of selling out and interest.

NEUTRAL JUDGE - Jerec

TEAM USA:
Not WQ
OD
Venter

TEAM EUROPEENGLAND
Janus
EmP
Ben

For us. For them. For you.

Pfft. None of this free agent crap for me. If it's America vs Europe, then I'm going to sit back and be a completely impartial judge. I urge all other Aussies and Canadians to do the same. Or at least 2 more.

I can avoid death by not having a life.

But, you ask, what of our friends outside of these areas? Of the Canadians and the Austrians and the like?

I think Austria is in Europe actually

You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it.

Before I spotted my awful typo, I was so trying to decide from the four million "American fails to find different country on a map" jokes that flashed up in my head. But, no; turns out I'm the fool here. Bah.

For us. For them. For you.

Haha. Fun fact: While we do erroneously call the the championship series of games in baseball the World Series, it can, in fact, actually include Canada. Yay?

I'm glad Janus came up with an idea how to score this thing. I might write something up, but who knows.

[Eating EmP's brain] probably isn't a good idea. I mean... He's British, which means his brain's wired for PAL and your eyes are NTSC. - Will

Time for me to do what I do best!

Which is to loudly insult the non-American peoples' nationalities for weeks before finishing next to last and stomping off in a huff.

I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle

Put me down for team Europe. When's the deadline?

"fuck yeah oblivion" - Jihad

I plan to participate in this tournament, with a review for USA!!!!!1 It will depend on whether I have time to finish the game or not, but I am hopeful. What is the deadline?

Edit: Here is my entry.

"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." - John F. Kennedy on reality

"What if everything you see is more than what you see--the person next to you is a warrior and the space that appears empty is a secret door to another world? What if something appears that shouldn't? You either dismiss it, or you accept that there is much more to the world than you think. Perhaps it really is a doorway, and if you choose to go inside, you'll find many unexpected things." - Shigeru Miyamoto on secret doors to another world2

Shall we say 19th December? It gives the people writing about a month to get something out, and any judge who isn't Will or Marc plenty of time to write up results before Xmas hits.

For us. For them. For you.

Got the bare bones for each team -- I guess that's a start!

Now to go out and bully ruthlessly recruit.

For us. For them. For you.

Could we have a minor delay until Sunday?

"fuck yeah oblivion" - Jihad

ACCEPTABLE! New deadline: 21/12

For us. For them. For you.

Hey, you know what? I'll judge.

You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it.

I will write a review

I am Jedward Randy

I was worried I might have to drop out of a competition named after myself, but I have managed to complete a review of Sonic CD. Phew!

"fuck yeah oblivion" - Jihad

My review will be up tomorrow after I give it another proofing. I like the way it came out, so hopefully the judge(s) is/are smart enough to appreciate the unparalleled genius I bring to the reviewing world and give me 100s across the board.

Or at least don't make me my team's weak link and force the other USA members to have me deported...PLEASE?!?!?

I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle

And here it is!

http://www.honestgamers.com/12434/snes/hercules-no-eikou-iii-kamigami-no-chinmoku/review.html

I'm not afraid to die because I am invincible
Viva la muerte, that's my goddamn principle

I just realised that I got my dates confused and that I actually had a week longer than I thought. Hah.

"fuck yeah oblivion" - Jihad

You know what? Screw it; I'm re-branding our team as the mighty TEAM ENGLAND, a little part of a little island, taking on the world.

Who are still a person short. Oh my.

For us. For them. For you.

Has the deadline passed yet?

I can avoid death by not having a life.

Midnight today

For us. For them. For you.

This would put us down a judge, but I wouldn't mind stepping in and filling in for WQ with my Dragon Age: Inquisition review for the sake of evening out the teams, as it would appear she didn't make it.

I mean, you know... unless you're scared.

You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it.

I am happy to judge this thing alone.

http://cdn.head-fi.org/2/24/244b3c76_unlimited-power_opt.jpeg

I can avoid death by not having a life.

What's this? The rest of the world having to change their plans because America didn't come through? What a unique and unexpected circumstance.

Suskie's review was written within the limits, so I've no issue with him stepping in from a judge spot to compete, so long as Jerec's okay judging solo. Let it be known that any colonial victory that might come from these shenanigans will be forever tainted. Forever!

For us. For them. For you.

I already said I was happy. But if you want to draw this out, you can tell Masters he's also a judge. We might get the results in the new year :D

I can avoid death by not having a life.