With Final Fantasy Type-0 HD hitting PS4 and Xbox One in a few short days, I thought now would be a relevant and topical time to list the series, because, well, why not? People like lists, right? Do we... Do we still do lists?

SCREW IT HERE GOES

Oh yeah, I suppose I should mention the rules I used to narrow down this list, lest it become unmanageable:

1) With one exception, these are all "roman numeral" FF titles.

2) Direct sequels are allowed, but I only included the ones that didn't deviate too far from the norm in terms of FF gameplay.

OKAY NOW HERE GOES, FOR REALSIES THIS TIME

NUMBER 18: FINAL FANTASY XIII-

Final Fantasy XIII is the worst. Just the worst. It gave us a beautiful world that seemed like it had a cool history, then told us not to explore it. It gave us characters that looked like they had potential to be badasses, then told us not to play as them. The battle system was extremely boring, with the main tactic being "smash autobattle until you decide to change your classes" Or, simply smash autobattle with the setup of melee, magic, healer for a lengthy but winnable fight for 95% of the battles. Going back to the world, I hate how "disjointed" it is. You're in one area, then suddenly you're playing as a different group in another, but due to the lack of world map, or even the mere lack of being able to return to most places, you have no sense of the world's geography, making you feel like you're running through a series of pretty corridors, but nothing more. By the time the game actually opens up, you have one giant field and a couple of offshoot areas... Hooray. And that's not even getting into the story, which sounds like something someone copy-pasted from fanfiction.net

NUMBER 17: FINAL FANTASY VIII-

Final Fantasy VIII is a game that wishes it was a lot more memorable than it really is. Before XIII hit, it was the most "sci-fi" feeling of the series, with its giant flying fortress laser castles and the like, but its absolutely retarded Junction system that requires you to either:

A) Stand around drawing magic from enemies for years
B) Sit in the menu refining magic from items for years
or
C) Never use a single spell because using Junctioned spells lowers your characters' stats

...means that you either spam extraordinarily long summon sequences ad nauseum or spam limit breaks. Either way, Junctioning is stupid. Plus everything falls apart after the first disc and nothing really makes sense after that point. Also, memory loss story cop-out.

NUMBER 16: FINAL FANTASY II-

Final Fantasy II is an interesting experiment that just... didn't quite work. It's interesting to note that this one was actually worked on by Akitoshi Kawazu, who is the guy in charge of the SaGa games... Square's series known for having stats and abilities that increase as you use them. Unfortunately, the game was balanced quite poorly, so any sense of accomplishment gets pretty hampered when you realize that you've been beating the crap out of your own party for 5 hours in front of the first town just to boost their HP to non-instadeath levels.

NUMBER 15: FINAL FANTASY XIII-2-

This one is better than Final Fantasy XIII, if only slightly so. The writing and plot is just as terrible as its predecessor, perhaps even worse because the writers somehow thought they could work a time travel story into the garbled mess that is XIII's world. SE still had no idea what made XIII bad in the first place though, as the world was still disjointed, connected only by a magical hub that threw you through space and time, once again failing to give the player any real sense of geography. The battle system still has you smashing auto-battle and swapping between classes, but at least this one has a cool-ish Dragon Quest V-like feature where you can recruit monsters and level them up. And at least Serah is cuter than Lightning.

NUMBER 14: LIGHTNING RETURNS- FINAL FANTASY XIII-

I'm not going to take the time to type that out again, so from now on, this game is Final Fantasy XIII-3. FFXIII-3 is the strongest of the three FFXIIIs, but for every step forward it takes, it takes several steps backwards. First and foremost, the battle system is a VAST improvement over the past two titles. Instead of smashing auto-battle and swapping between classes, you set up 3 sets of equipment that loosely represent classes, with abilities mapped to the 4 face buttons. Each equipment set has its own ATB bar, and each ability has an ATB cost. Equipment sets that aren't active will recover ATB much faster than the one that is active, so you're encouraged to build a diverse set that can handle any situation and constantly be swapping between them. Unfortunately, for as fun as the fights are, there's zero point to actually do any fighting. You see, you don't actually get anything like "experience points" or such in this game. Instead, all stat boosts are given by completing quests. The quests can be as simple as easy fetch quests, or far more involved; one of which involves hunting a species of monster to extinction. Either way, with no progression from the actual combat, what should be fun and engaging begins to feel like a chore before too long. Also, I'm pretty sure Square Enix gave up on their story making anything resembling sense at this point, because from the very outset I had NO idea what was going on.

NUMBER 13: FINAL FANTASY VII

Quite possibly the most overrated game in the entire series, Final Fantasy VII's lowish ranking is quite possibly the main entry that's going to find my head on a stake the morning after I publish this. People act like Aeris' fate was something special: Phantasy Star 2 did it better. People act like Sephiroth was such a great villain; Kefka's not impressed by momma's boys. People act like Cloud is such a great and interesting character... Perhaps if he'd say something other than "Not interested." People act like the Materia system is the end-all of character development systems; too bad it cheapens the value of the actual characters by making you level up the Materia itself, which offers a far more potent boost, to the point you can take a useless character like Cait Sith and make him an instant god with a few colorful crystals. If you want to see a Materia system done right, look at any of the Legend of Heroes: Trails in the [insert appropriate word here] games; They made customization with colorful crystals important without cheapening the value of each individual character. At the end of the day, Final Fantasy VII is only hailed as amazing because it was the first one on the Playstation, and it had big pretty cutscenes in its TV advertisements. At least the music is nice, though?

NUMBER 12: FINAL FANTASY-

The one that started it all isn't a bad game, even though it's pretty clunky and outdated by today's standards. There isn't really much to say about it though... Pretty much everything this game did, one of its sequels has done better, but I'd say it's still worth playing as a history lesson of sorts, to see where it all began.

NUMBER 11: FINAL FANTASY XIV: A REALM REBORN-

When Final Fantasy XIV originally released a few years back, I actually liked what I had played of it, though felt improvements needed to be made to the server infrastructure and additional content needed to be added. Unfortunately, the overwhelming majority of the gaming playerbase disagreed with me, and FFXIV was completely reworked into....A World of Warcraft clone. I'm not really a fan of WoW and its style of making gear more important than actual skill at the game, or its extreme focus on utilizing skill rotations (i.e., using the same skills constantly in a specific order for maximum efficiency at your role), because it makes every single battle play out exactly the same way... So, A Realm Reborn doesn't quite do it for me. I will say, of all the WoW clones I've played, this one is probably the best... But it's still a WoW clone.

NUMBER 10: FINAL FANTASY XII-

Gameplay-wise, this game is Final Fantasy XI except offline and with the addition of programmable AI commands called Gambits... Which is pretty awesome! Unfortunately, the game really loses steam about halfway through when it devolves into a fetchquest mania. Also, the license board is pretty retarded. If you ever get a chance, I highly suggest playing the Zodiac Job System edition of the game, where each character could be assigned a specific license board that was shaped like a zodiac sign, and corresponded to a specific Job, like Black Mage, thief, etc. It really made each character feel a lot more unique than they did in the original version, and a few other gameplay tweaks made FFXII International the definitive version to play. Unfortunately, it's a Japan exclusive, which is ironic considering it's called Final Fantasy XII International, but I digress.

NUMBER 9: FINAL FANTASY IV-

Final Fantasy IV is the one that gave us the well-known ATB system that so many of the games have used since then, and as a result, it's got a pretty solid place in my heart on this list. Also, the original Japanese version is actually rather difficult, requiring players to use some pretty unique strategies to take their foes down. It's especially exciting in "Active" mode with the speed cranked all the way up (which, let's face it, is the only way to play an FF game). Also, it has Rydia, which is the best FF character ever. If you disagree, I hate you.

NUMBER 8: FINAL FANTASY IX-

A charming throwback to what made the series memorable after the pretty blah taste that FFVII and FFVIII left in my mouth, Final Fantasy IX is infectiously catchy and marks a return to a 4-man battle party. Unfortunately, the battles are pretty slow, and not really in an "action" sort of sense... The transition from the map to the battle screen takes its sweet ass time to load, followed by a slow pan of the field and enemies before the actual battle begins to take place. Even with it wasting time like that, it's the finest of the Playstation-era titles by a longshot, with genuinely hilarious writing as opposed to the unintentionally hilarious writing offered by the previous two titles in the series.

NUMBER 7: FINAL FANTASY X-

As the first entry on PS2, this one, on the surface, seems to suffer from many of the same problems that plagued Final Fantasy XIII. After all, isn't this game extremely linear as well, with the world not really opening up until rather late? The answer to that is, well, yes. But Final Fantasy X does so in a way that makes the characters believably traversing from one area to the next, because the entire world is connected. Even for the places that aren't connected (such as the smaller islands dotting the world), they are clearly marked on your world map, so you know exactly where your characters are at in terms of where everything else in the world is. This makes the world seem believably vast, while Final Fantasy XIII felt far too random: "Oh, I'm in a futuristic highway. Oh, I'm on an ice lake. Oh, I'm in a forest. Oh, these guys are in a different forest." That sort of thing. Also, the turn-based battle system was a vast improvement, though switching characters into battle to leech experience points became a bit cumbersome after a while and some characters (Sorry, Khimari) ended up getting ignored because of it.

NUMBER 6- FINAL FANTASY X-2-

When I was in high school and I played this game for the first time, I hated it. Final Fantasy: Charlie's Angels Edition, I called it. But after having revisited it a couple of times in the past few years, I've gotta say, it's really grown on me. The fast-paced job switching mechanic layered on top of the traditional ATB battle system is great (really, Final Fantasy XIII could have just copied this instead of trying its own thing, and it'd have been 100 times better), and the story is extremely hammy and cheesy in that sort of way that simultaneously makes you embarrassed to play it, yet still want to see how much more ridiculous it will get. It doesn't take itself too seriously, and that's what I love about it. And yet even with that, there's a poignant message hidden within the game's theming that, sadly, got lost in translation from Japanese to English.

NUMBER 5: FINAL FANTASY V-

Final Fantasy V may not have the strongest narrative tying things together, but that hardly even matters. The Job system used in this title is absolutely stellar, with many of the most iconic jobs making their debut here. Each job and combination feels workable in its own way, and it's possible to find some combinations that are simply extremely awesome. When it comes to the sheer fun of fighting enemies in a Final Fantasy game, it's really hard to top Final Fantasy V.

NUMBER 4: FINAL FANTASY VI-

Final Fantasy V may have had a ton of awesome jobs, but Final Fantasy VI took those jobs and gave them all personalities, and set everything in a kickass, steampunk world. Its first act is extremely brisk, keeping your party moving forward at a near-relentless pace. When shit hits the fan and the game's second, less linear act opens up, you'll be totally hooked and ready to take the fight to Kefka. Besides, who doesn't adore that laughter? That digitized HO HO HOing is instantly recognizable to me (and makes an awesome text ringtone).

NUMBER 3: FINAL FANTASY III-

This game is fantastic. What it lacks in narrative drive, it more than makes up for in its invention of the Job System that we know today, and its tough-as-nails approach to battles. Enemies in this game will kick your ass if you don't go in prepared, and sometimes the most useless-seeming Job will come in the most handy. FFIII may not be the prettiest title in the series, or have the best music, or the best story, but it's got the chops where it counts.

NUMBER 2: FINAL FANTASY XI-

Long ago, I wrote a review detailing how much impact this game had on my life. I grew up with it, I lived within its richly detailed world for a long time, and it became one of the titles that I wistfully long to return to from time to time. Any time I hear one of its musical tracks, I become nostalgic in the best of ways, remembering not what pre-programmed characters were scripted to do, but epic moments that I shared with real people. Final Fantasy XI was one of those games that only come around once... The kind of game that can change a person's entire perspective of things. My time in Vana'diel may be done, but it'll always occupy a special place in my heart. It's only #2 because some recent gameplay changes they made turned the game more WoW-like, perhaps in its attempt to stay relevant in the market. Personally, I liked it how it was, and that's how I'd like to remember it.

NUMBER 1: FINAL FANTASY TYPE-0

I imported the PSP original of this title when it first came out, and I was instantly blown away. My expectations were pretty low, as this was one of the three titles announced as part of the "Fabula Nova Crystallis" compilation, along with the detestable Final Fantasy XIII and the game we all now know as Final Fantasy XV. However, I was completely flabbergasted when I saw how good the actual game was. The action-packed battle system really does it for me, as well as how each character has their own unique gameplay quirks and gimmicks that really make each one stand out and feel different from any of the others. The game is made by Hajime Tabata, the same guy in charge of Final Fantasy XV, and the same one who worked on that prequel to Final Fantasy VII called Crisis Core, also on PSP. Anyway, this game is dark. While death in many of the titles is presented in an almost mystical sort of way (like the little sparkly fireflies in FFX), death in Type-0 is a gruesome, bloody affair. War is hell, and Type-0's hellish depiction of it is an instantly sobering reminder of both the fragility and the hardiness of the human spirit. I highly recommend that everyone with an Xbox One or PS4 pick this game up on the 17th. Don't get it for the Final Fantasy XV demo. Get it because Type-0 is a fantastic game in its own right, and it deserves to be lauded as such.

So, how much do you guys hate me for my thoughts? Feel free to comment with your dissent and/or agreement and/or insults!