I am ashamed.
I was 'gifted' this 'game,' by a 'friend.'
Play this mystery title, he said, and then review it, no matter what it is, and no matter how bad. What if the code I give you ends up being for an amazing AAA title! Fine, I said, and I inputted the code.
I'm Turkey, showed up on my screen, which was entirely too appropriate. I groaned inwardly, but a deal is a deal.
And so before writing this review, I played I'm Turkey for 12 minutes, and that is why I am ashamed.
It shouldn't have taken me that long to beat.
This is a crudely made single-screen platformer that could have been a school project. It really might have been. Your goal is to guide your turkey avatar from left-to-right, over sharp obstacles (spike-backed turtles or propped up kitchen knives), from grey platform-to-platform, some which move, and most which do not, to each level's exit on the far right of the screen. But there's a catch! The exit won't open until you've collected all the apples on the stage. At least, I think they're apples. And so, whether there is one for the taking, or four, your goal is to grab the fruit and make it safely to the open doorway.
That's it.
There are 12 one-screen levels of this.
That's it.
12 very easy, rudimentary exercises in basic platforming using the arrow keys on your keyboard (what, you thought you'd have controller support?). I considered being charitable and suggesting that I'm Turkey might be a good little exercise for kids getting into gaming, but I suspect most kids will balk at the arrow key control scheme. I can't even speak to the value of product, since the game is apparently delisted from Steam. Even if I could, and the game cost 50 cents, Electronic Super Joy 2 is free right now, and it's a deep, phenomenal hardcore platforming time sink; we know the true cost of Steam games these days is of your time, not money.
All I can say is this: if you are gifted I'm Turkey from a friend, the question to ask isn't, do I have 10 minutes to spare, but rather, what kind of friends do I have?
