Stuff I've Been Playing -- January
January 20, 2019

Project 32X


What I figured would be a dumb bit of fun we, as a site, would knock out in about a year has turned into a grueling solo project powered by bitterness and spite.

At the start of the year, before Jason remembered he hated me and I should review all of the things, I decided to have a run at some of the remaining titles left on Segaís forgotten mistake. Iíve put decent time into Virtua Racer, WWF Wrestlemania and Star Wars Arcade and Toughman Contest. Of those, I thought Iíd start with Toughman, which is a reasonably good boxing game, and then I had a little go on Motocross Championship. And it was bad. It was so bad. I knew I had to get it out of the way, so I wasted an evening beating the bloody thing and now I can go back to pretending it didnít exist.

The plan was to then do back-to-back Star Wars Arcade and then move on to the game it was obviously supposed to be, Shadow Squadron. But I got caught up in Squadron, which has no right to have aged as well as it has, so I guess Iíll do that mess out of order.

I did put some time into one of the baseball games, but itís a rubbish sport liked by rubbish people and any review I write for it is going to be tainted and ignorant. Still hoping someone will kindly take the remaining sports games.

Jason Venter: Iím Reviewing All The Games, And So Shall You!


I bought a lot of this on myself. I asked for and received a copy of Eternal Castle, which is a real retro throwback; a cinematic platformer very akin to Another World that lobs you into an alien environment, tells you as little as it can get away with, and then chortles at you millions of deaths. Like the anniversary edition of AW, it soothes itís yesteryear difficulty curve with a generous checkpoint system. It also displays avant garde VGA-inspired graphics meaning if you ignore the flawlessly smooth animation, it really could be a game ripped right from 1987. Slightly laggy and unresponsive controls are purposefully used, which means current era gamers will struggle. Iíve very much enjoyed it. Even if, after completion, I still have little idea what happened in there. Review coming soon.



Jason also showed up and gave me Toejam & Earl: Back in the Groove because Iím the resident SEGA nerd, Iím told. Itís a solid game and is exactly what youíd picture the first entry to be if it was updated -- itís a cartoony rouge-like ironically embracing everything that was wrong with the 90ís rad-wave, while referencing the confused platformer follow up as little as possible. He also shot me a beta copy of Sunless Skies, because I loved Sunless Seas, a game that perhaps spawned my most pretentious review that Marc ďMastersĒ Golding has since labelled Ďunreadableí and commented Ď why can't you just say if a gameís good or bad, you gibbering nutcaseí. Iíve yet to put any time into it.

Mainly because Jasonís gone back through all his contacts and found that I was given a few games last year that got lost in the shuffle. So, Iíve been putting time into Cult Simulator, a card resource game about surviving a cult also made by the Lovecraft-obsessed minds from Sunless Seas, The Hex, a game made from the makers of the brilliant Pony Island that I beat a while ago and recorded for reasons Iíll ong forgotten, and Neko Navy, a scrolling shooter populated by MSPaint cats. This is my life now. Iíd also failed to review a really nice looking game called Plante Alpha, but thatís because it played very jerkily on my PC, despite it having the right specs. That hasnít seemed to change, which is a shame; it looks a lot of fun.



On The Side


I also beat 1954 Alcatraz, an adventure game Iíve abandoned several times and warned Point Ďní Click squire-in-training, DE, away from several times. Itís dull, ugly, uninteresting and overly easy. It sitting half finished annoyed me and now itís done. I may try and write about it if I can slip the effort in between the Venter Rush. Time will tell.



Steam tells me I have 24 hours on Burnout Paradise, a game I downloaded in a vain attempt to amuse my nephew when heís round here bothering me. It has been an alarming and amazing success. For the most part, I can just leave him to drive around the map where he switches from trying to ram everyone off the road or playing the game dead straight, sticking to speed limits and stopping at traffic lights. You know, the exact opposite way the gameís supposed to be played.

I keep play League of Legends because sometimes I decide that playing video games is actually quite a fun hobby and catch myself smiling. Then I play League and get stuck babysitting the worldís worst ADC in bot, or have to play Zed in mid lane again, and all the hate just comes flooding back.

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Feedback
jerec jerec - January 20, 2019 (02:55 PM)
I have no memory of purchasing 1954 Alcatraz, but it's sitting there. Bought in in June 2015 for 99 cents. Played it long enough to extract the trading cards, by the looks of it.
EmP EmP - January 20, 2019 (03:29 PM)
I hope you just left it running in the background. It has almost no redeeming features, and a cast so unlikable you just don't care what happens to them.

Screw it; I'm going to review it. Come back to the judge rota for one week Jerec so I can make you read it.
jerec jerec - January 20, 2019 (03:50 PM)
How about I just promise to read it and leave a comment?
Masters Masters - January 20, 2019 (05:07 PM)
Haha, right? There are easier ways to promise to read something.

I love how Gary's 'quotes' are almost always pure fabrications. But in this case, I'm sure he's right.

I am rather interested in your Eternal Castle review -- hurry up and get it done.
honestgamer honestgamer - January 20, 2019 (09:04 PM)
I try to spend at least a few hours a day thinking up new ways to make you miserable, EmP, and I'm especially pleased with my recent successes. Hopefully, they'll tide me over until I can dream up additional ways to torture you!
jerec jerec - January 21, 2019 (01:33 PM)
I can't imagine a Canadian Hex sounding more threatening than "You have a terrific day, eh?"
EmP EmP - January 22, 2019 (10:20 AM)
How about I just promise to read it and leave a comment?

Can't blame me for trying to get a week off....

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