My Thoughts On 3rd Birthday And A Fuck You To Someone Special

By Greg Knoll · April 17, 2011

3rd Birthday - Square...just when I think you can't do anything worse than FFX you put this junk out. Do you even know how to make a sequel anymore? I'm keeping my background up, mainly because Aya is still wicked hot (or is it Eve? I really don't know after that bizarre, useless, lame story you made me sit through) and I'm too lazy but know that I am not happy about it at all.

Let me know when you start making good games again and I maybe, just might possibly consider buying one....if it's cheap and it gets rave reviews by everyone I know, and it has a hot chick in it, and you hand over the company to someone who's not so money-grubbing, intellectual-property motivated, fan-disregarding. And that's just maybe.

You're lucky I got 3rd Birthday for free or I might be angry.

Fuck You - So I went to Gamestop to trade in a few games in order to get the new Mortal Kombat. And no, I'm not going to bitch that I had to trade in 7 games to afford it, and some of them were new like Need For Speed and Tactics Ogre. No, this complaint is not in regards to giving up 7 games. It's because there should have been 8.

Without even looking at the disk, the guy behind the counter hands DC Universe Online back and says they can't take it. When I ask why, he explains to me that the game came with a code specific to it and by using that code I linked the entire game to my PSN account and no one else can ever use it. Basically it turns it into a computer game that I had to pay $60 for. Oh? Really? That's an utterly wonderful idea. Because that means the copy I paid for is one-of-a-kind and I can now use it as a coaster or a paperweight because it's not going to do me any good. Maybe, possibly, I would pick it up again somewhere down the line but you fucked me there too, with your stupid $15 monthly subscription fee to play it. And yes, WoW does that too but they don't pull this $60 bullshit to even purchase the game and then continue to charge you after. I downloaded WoW for free and they allow that; welcome it even. Why? Because they make enough money solely on subscriptions. But no, not good enough for Sony. They have to get you to pay regular price for a redundant, half-assed game, then $15 a month for sluggish, weak service all the while developing a system that locks you in for eternity so that I can't make at least a portion of the money I wasted back by buying that catastrophic mess. I would say that maybe someone on Ebay might want it, as they could find another code (possibly through illegal means) but we all know how the last hack-job turned out, don't we?

You're getting worse, Sony. And it saddens me.

Go tell your classes, go dig you graves
Then fill your mouth with all the money you will save

Wow that line is fitting.

Comments 7

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zippdementia Apr 17, 2011

Another random google search reveals Honest Gamers! Yeah, I was going to rush out to buy 3rd Birthday and then I remembered that Square Enix stopped being good and started being really crappy not that... no, actually, quite a while ago.

JoeTheDestroyer Staff Apr 18, 2011

Eh, they've been hit or miss for quite some time now. I would say that they're better off rehashing their old stuff, but that's pretty much what they did with FFIV: The After Years, and so far I'm not impressed with that hunk of trash.

True Blogger Apr 18, 2011

It's a shame, too. I loved the PE series and was really looking forward to this one. But the game is barely 7 hours long, there are no great boss battles, no cool Parasite powers and no Eve...at least not an evil one. Worse, they pulled this Inception-esque style with the story. You know the whole "let's make it so utterly confusing and intricate that people will fail to notice it has absolutely no value, nor will complain or else they'll be mocked for not getting it" type thing except they didn't do it quite as well.

fleinn Apr 18, 2011

Sony and everyone else hopefully will burn itself on the entire "lock you into a subscription" thing, at least.. But it's the same idea they've all had from the beginning. In the software industry, I mean. The idea that subscriptions should be considered relatively short term, not really include much content, and then expire so you have to keep paying to play your character, etc.

Thing is that it's worked relatively well for other publishers, just in slightly different circumstances. SEGA launched Phantasy Star, and the Phantasy Star Universe, for example - and had a small subscription going on. The game cost about half price, had a relatively interesting story, and worked as an introduction to the game, basically. Then you paid 10 dollars a month for a GUARDIAN licence, in order to play online.

In return - see, this is where Sony and MS don't quite follow - you got spot-free server connections, mixed platforms, seasonal updates, new weapons, new monsters once in a while, and so on and so on. So it actually was worth it to pay for a while - without feeling like you had to buy another set of micro-gear to continue to play (in fact, there weren't any - only the subscription).

Masters Staff Apr 18, 2011

What exactly is The 3rd Birthday like?

True Blogger Apr 18, 2011

I would say Gears Of War and Dante's Inferno. It plays more like a third-person this time rather than the random encounter RPG battles from the first two. It consists mainly of running around, shooting enemies to open a door, then on to a new area...where you kill enemies and open a door. Every now and then you get a cool weapon like the satellite laser but those are few and far between.

It's a lackluster shooter that really did nothing for the PE franchise, and I wouldn't have even known it was related if not for Aya Brea.

joseph_valencia Apr 18, 2011

"3rd Birthday" is a third-person shooter released on a platform that has only one analog stick...'nuff said, I guess.