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Review Archives (All Reviews)

You are currently looking through all reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by JoeTheDestroyer and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
Ninja Crusaders (NES)

Ninja Crusaders review (NES)

Reviewed on April 06, 2011

Turns out the shurikens aren't getting the job done. They provide great range, but our ninja may as well be throwing butter knives.
Ufouria (NES)

Ufouria review (NES)

Reviewed on March 31, 2011

Think of it as Mario meets Metroid. So... Marioid? Metrio? The world is made of various platforming situations, and it's up to you to use your skills, items and other recruitable characters to conquer them and find a way out of this twisted wonderland.
Epic Dungeon (Xbox 360)

Epic Dungeon review (X360)

Reviewed on March 24, 2011

My first steps into Epic Dungeon are chronicled by the myriad rat and bat bites pervading my berserker's skin and bones. The only option left for me was to swing my sword in a fit of rage and watch the enemies explode into 8-bit gore. More bats and rats swarmed me with mouths biting, claws raking, flees jumping off and getting under my armor.
Yoshi's Cookie (NES)

Yoshi's Cookie review (NES)

Reviewed on March 20, 2011

Using minimal wit, you are tasked with moving the cookies around to form matching rows and columns with the hopes of clearing the them out. Yes, it's as boring as it sounds.
Osmos (PC)

Osmos review (PC)

Reviewed on March 16, 2011

Hemisphere Games put some real thought into this game. They didn't want you walking out thinking it was a loveless affair. Each new situation adds to the addiction and stimulates your gray matter and your gall, putting together a solid plan on the fly and having the brass put it into effect, even when it seems you may fail.
Bucky O'Hare (NES)

Bucky O'Hare review (NES)

Reviewed on March 12, 2011

Each scene plays out like a perilous mini-adventure, forming levels like rough and rugged trips through amusements park in hell. The adventure is stupendous, even if the combat is so-so.
Zunou Senkan Galg (NES)

Zunou Senkan Galg review (NES)

Reviewed on March 10, 2011

The diva sees you struggling, curls her fat lips into a smug smile, and makes another demand. “Oh, and do that without continues,” she says with a sassy shake of her hips. You get three lives in ZSG and not a single continue. It demands that you grab 100 pieces from a potential 100 or more levels without getting a single game over, and with only one hit per life.
Final Fantasy (NES)

Final Fantasy review (NES)

Reviewed on March 05, 2011

There was a time when most of my friends were discovering girls and I was completely ignoring them. I had bigger things to worry about, like how to best destroy Kary and restore the fire crystal. While most of my friends were talking about boobs and making out, I was talking about swords and critical strikes. Final Fantasy was one of those gateways to the realm of extended virginity, but it was a blast.
Quattro Adventure (NES)

Quattro Adventure review (NES)

Reviewed on March 03, 2011

Masochists never back down from a challenging or particularly awful game. We do, however, tend to shy away from multiple turkeys on one cartridge. It's as though Codemasters knew our weakness and developed Quattro Adventure to break us. No, not developed; turned loose. Many were wounded, some even perished, but a few rose their heads up high and said, “I survived Quattro Adventure!”
Recettear: An Item Shop's Tale (PC)

Recettear: An Item Shop's Tale review (PC)

Reviewed on February 28, 2011

Everyone salutes the knights in mythril armor, the adept mages and wise wizards, the swift thieves and rogues, and dual-sword wielding rangers of the elvish variety. They praise the questing heroes because they had the best weapons and armor and gained just enough levels to pummel that malevolent otherworldy being who threatened to enslave humanity.
Ikari Warriors (NES)

Ikari Warriors review (NES)

Reviewed on February 23, 2011

In the sky, a violent bang and a crash landing. A plane falls, its muscular gun-toting cargo shuffling out disheveled and disoriented as a flood of villainous soldiers surges toward them. Did SNK intend for the crashing plane to be an allegory for what you are about to play--a disaster? Was SNK sitting in the pilot seat, laughing as you sign up for an impossible voyage into the raw heart of depravity, where you will spin a drunken dance around a hailstorm of bullets?
Light's End (Xbox 360)

Light's End review (X360)

Reviewed on February 20, 2011

Welcome to Light's End, and indie adventure game with many head-nods to old school RPGs that blends a few elements together to create a game that's simple and unique. It successfully challenges the ideas of what a game can be and what is important in playing a game.
Torchlight (PC)

Torchlight review (PC)

Reviewed on February 16, 2011

Your first step into Torchlight will put to rest your worries or quell your doubts. The rich art style with appropriately used earthy colors and a darker, grimmer setting tell you that this is a far cry from Fate's somewhat confused atmosphere. Where the latter is cartoony and a tad happy-go-lucky forced into the same bed with violence, blood-letting and terror, Torchlight is consistently dark and moody. It doesn't pretend to be My First Diablo Clone, but knows what players are looking for. It s...
Godzilla: Monster of Monsters (NES)

Godzilla: Monster of Monsters review (NES)

Reviewed on February 13, 2011

Godzilla: Monster of Monsters was the game I had been dreaming of as a child. What young Godzilla fan and budding b-movie enthusiast wouldn't want to play a game where you pound the pavement as Big G, smashing civilization, torching familiar faces of the rogues gallery like King Ghidorah and Gigan, and giving the JSDF a torturous migraine? The thought gave me a nerdgasm.
Phantom Fighter (NES)

Phantom Fighter review (NES)

Reviewed on February 10, 2011

It's pitch-black and freezing. The wind doesn't chill your bones as much as the stillness hanging over all the Chinese villages. The hustle and bustle of human life had been replaced by the horrified screams of the villagers as the kyonshis, undead creatures of East Asian folklore, devoured them, and then there came only complete silence. Even the insects dare not buzz and pasturing animals remain invisible. If a man were to listen ...
Super Meat Boy (PC)

Super Meat Boy review (PC)

Reviewed on February 07, 2011

Like all good stories involving giant saw blades, exploding pieces of sentient meat, and evil fetuses, this one is about a girl.
Hydlide (NES)

Hydlide review (NES)

Reviewed on February 05, 2011

Hydlide is madness contained within a plastic gray cart. To play it for too long and contemplate its dimensions and features is to go insane. It's an RPG of the worst sort, one that pads its gameplay out with grinding and guessing and gives you nothing else--no plot, no side quests, no other clues or NPC. You explore the tiny area to which are confined, bump into scores of enemies in order to kill them, listen to the same looping and overly high-pitched music, and perish many times in ...
Eternal Sonata (Xbox 360)

Eternal Sonata review (X360)

Reviewed on February 01, 2011

Eternal Sonata is a J-RPG in which you follow a group of anime-inspired characters through an adventure that seems like most every other. Among the main three characters are Polka, a terminally ill teenage girl who's going on a soul searching journey; Allegretto, a homeless guy who excels in swordsmanship and has the hots for Polka; and Fredrick, the incarnation of renowned pianist Fredrick Chopin who is convinced that the fantastical world that Polka and Allegretto live in is his dream a...
Krazy Kreatures (NES)

Krazy Kreatures review (NES)

Reviewed on January 30, 2011

No lovable Russian ballet or upbeat tunes. All you get to start with is silence and an empty rectangle with a cursor inside. Before you can yawn, it rains cats and dogs. Literally, cats, dogs, and a few other animals begin piling up in the rectangle, and it's your duty to sort them out, making vertical, horizontal or diagonal trios of each animal to clear them off the screen and score. Later levels use “things”, which must be arranged in quartets; people in quintets; and monsters in sextets. Eac...
Doc Clock: The Toasted Sandwich of Time (PC)

Doc Clock: The Toasted Sandwich of Time review (PC)

Reviewed on January 27, 2011

Doc Clock: The Toasted Sandwich of Time wants to tantalize you with inventive gameplay and a fabulous 2D side scroller environment like a viewing into the past. However, one fatal flaw brings the whole construct crashing down. Building different devices to survive the hazards of the future is an intriguing idea, one crushed by shaky and inconsistent physics.

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