Some more three sentence reviews

By Jonathan Stark · October 29, 2009

I'm almost done with my Chinatown Wars review, but I needed a quick break. So more quickies!

Deus Ex
Wearing a trench coat and sunglasses, you fight the confusing plot lines of the Illuminati. It's nice to play as a character who can fit a rocket launcher under that coat. Better yet, they explain WHY he can fit a rocket launcher under his coat.

8/10

Deus Ex Invisible War
The reason this game got bad press: less trench coat. Less rocket launcher. Less explanation.

7/10

FFXII
Programming at its best. If using C++ involved the slaying of monsters for exp and loot, then I'd probably be a programmer today. I certainly spent enough time at the game to build one myself.

9/10

God of War II
There's, like, two locations in this entire game. Just goes to show that no matter how violent and cool your main character is, dungeon crawls are boring. Kratos' prize for traversing the dungeon is a huge fat woman.

6/10

Comments 11

EmP Staff Oct 29, 2009

Deus Ex less than FFXII?

This is the oddes post ever made anywhere.

zippdementia Blogger Oct 29, 2009

Deus Ex has not aged well.

radicaldreamer Oct 29, 2009

What was the explanation? I don't remember.

WilltheGreat Oct 29, 2009

Nanites, I believe.

EmP Staff Oct 29, 2009

The Deus score is just one part of the puzzle. The praise for FFXII is the other.

zippdementia Blogger Oct 30, 2009

Look, any game that can hold my interest for that long without any semblance of plot has something going for it. I think the fact that there aren't other players walking around asking me if I want to PORNZ with them also helps.

It's like a solo MMORPG with better graphics.

The explanation for the Rocket in the Trench coat is that it's a "personal rocket gun." The GEP guns were one use rockets, if I recall.

darketernal Oct 30, 2009

FfXII getting more then God of War 2 as well as the Invisible sodding War is where I realised that Zipp actually lives under a bridge, eats goats and scares decent folks such as myself by telling them they can't cross unless they pay a toll.

zippdementia Blogger Oct 30, 2009

Darketernal
Needs to start washing after meals. Has a strange tendency to rub cats all over his face and claim he has a beard when the fur sticks. Otherwise, a pretty decent guy.

7/10
Worth a rent!

WilltheGreat Oct 30, 2009

Isn't "solo MMORPG" a contradiction of terms?

zippdementia Blogger Oct 30, 2009

Until FFXII it was!

EmP Staff Oct 30, 2009

I'll accept that term for FFXII because it points out how perfectly redundant the game is.

The one shining moment comes a whiles through when they drop the pretence that Vann has any worth whatsoever and he shuts the hell up. Aside from that, it's just Square masturbating in your face shouting "We reinvented the JRPG again!", except they didn't; they just made an extortionately bad game.

That's blog rants on FFXII and Assassin's Creed in the last week or so. Quick -- someone blog about Chrono Cross so I can complete the circle!