I'm back.

...eh, I don't really feel like talking about what I've been up to. Maybe later.

But I do feel like talking about Spider-Man and comic books, because that's always comfortable territory for me. Or, at least, it was. I don't like Spider-Man anymore.

See, basically, ever since Civl War ended and Captain America 'died', the Marvel Universe has just...sucked. The Hulk invaded Earth with an alien armada (LONG story) and while it was a nice premise with a few bright spots, it just didn't work out on the whole. Marvel (and, really, DC, too, but I don't care about them as much so it means less) have been getting mired in big event after big event. Smoke and mirrors. And they...

They actually used this as a cover. When I saw this in the store, it didn't bother me too much at first, until I realized the magna section was on the other side of the store. Come on, hentacles. Seriously.

But it's not been a quick thing, Marvel's been on a slow, slow decline. They keep throwing one event after the other, piling hype on hype. There's less focus on good storytelling and more focus on making the most money possible from every issue; reprints, alternate covers, collectables. Characters inexplicably change, do things you'd never imagine them to do. And Spider-Man's been the worst of it.

Gwen Stacey slept with Norman Osborne and had two evil Goblin love-children that grew to age twenty in five years!

Spider-Man wasn't bitten by a radioactive spider, he was chosen by a magical, mystic spider!

Spider-Man dies - then comes back to life with new powers that haven't been mentioned in a single issue so far!

Spider-Man takes off his mask and reveals himself to the world!

Spider-Man immediately wishes he hadn't taken off his mask and joins anti-registration!

Spider-Man really wishes he hadn't taken off the mask when the Kingpin's hitman shoots Aunt May!

Spider-Man gets broody and wears the Black Suit again - the one his wife is morbidly afraid of because Venom nearly killed her.

Spider-Man threatens to kill the Kingpin!

And now I'm hearing talk about him divorcing Mary Jane. And Mary Jane having superpowers. And them restarting his history. Again.

Just...stop. Just tell a story. I can't even remember the last time I picked up a Spider-Man story and it was just a story, not something that promised to CHANGE SPIDER-MAN'S LIFE FOREVER. Don't get me wrong, it's important that the status quo get shaken up every now and then. But when everything's a shock, you just get dulled. You don't care anymore. And, for the time being, I do not care what happens to Spider-Man.

Remember this? Remember when it was just Spider-Man taking on his villains, winning against all odds, making us laugh and root for him and kind of feel like we could be a superhero, too?

Yeah. Neither do I.

Comments 9

EmP Staff Nov 26, 2007

That's all super, but you've still not told me what happened to Fury.

lasthero Blogger Nov 26, 2007

Hm...that's a good question. I don't think anybody knows. He was supposed to be investigating something during Civil War, but he never showed up. In all likelihood, Marvel forgot he exists.

pup Nov 26, 2007

I don't read anything from Marvel for two reasons.

1. They are so invested in their title characters that most of the dramatic potential is lost. There is never any real danger, because even if a major character dies or something, I know that he or she will always come back.

2. I don't want to read some issue from two years ago to understand what is happening now. I want to walk in, read a good story, and get out.

wolfqueen001 Nov 26, 2007

Ooh yay. You're back. I hope everything's alright.

Heh... I'll be honest - never really got into comics, but this does sound a bit ridiculous. I did like the cartoons/movies and things, though (most of them).

joseph_valencia Nov 26, 2007

The only comics I read these days are Detective Comics and Action Comics. Paul Dini and Richard Donner have been writing some good stories for those.

Unfortunately, it's rumored that DC is going to "kill off" Bruce Wayne. How original.

Genj Nov 26, 2007

That's a lot of stupid shit in comic book land. In terms of the Kingdom of Indie Music, every indie kid has a big man crush on this man:

Why is neither Slyde nor Spot in that spread of Spidy villians? They were the best!

wayne_steed Nov 28, 2007

So... where exactly did you say were you again? Oh, whoops, you didn't say.

darketernal Dec 1, 2007

I don't know. I can actually... tolerate some of the crap they are doing to Peter. Let's face it, his life is not something someone would want to lead(yeah, being married to a hot model might be intriguing, but when you take into consideration the crap fest that his life really is one would reconsider), and Back in Black made him say "No more."Yeah, he said that countless times before, but this time he let loose some more, which poor Wilson experienced first hand. I heard about plans that they have about retconning sodding Mary Jane, and that is just...I don't know. Joe Q must be on one of his trip phases.

The Other was an alright story in my opinion. Yeah, now Spidey is half SCIENCE!, half MAGIC!, but at least they are trying to keep the stories fresh, though I do miss the days when the story was simply Spider-man tearing a new hole in Vulture. The last really fantastic arc of Spider-man(in comicdom in general really) was Kraven's last Hunt. Pure brilliance.

However, I think that F4 profited even less with quality. With Civil War they made Reed "I saved the world more times then one could count" Richards in a complete git, and now Sue and Reed are replaced by Black "I am black and thus cool" Panther and Storm, the she-bitch. The crap BP pulls is beyond redemption, and the guy who draws it has one exuse for all. "If it was a white guy doing it, you would think it was cool."

No. No I wouldn't.