Fedule's Final Fantasy XIII review

I haven't read this yet, but this has to be the longest review I've seen on this site... I may have to tackle this one in a few sittings.

What can I say? I thought there was a LOT wrong with the game, and I'm trying to establish a new personal record for seething hatred. I hope I was able to write well enough to hold your attention throughout; the word count was not lost on me.

Anyway, I guess these are the perils of reading these guys all the time (and their review of FFXIII is, like 20000 words, so there).

I started reading this one from the bottom. The last line really grabbed my attention -- I had to read more, because I wanted to know what Square-Enix's evil plan was. After reading, I thought it was an interesting point, so I kept going up, one paragraph at a time.

Never quite made it to the top (once it dawned on me that I don't actually give a crap about FF13, figured I should do something else with my time) but I appreciate your review confirming that I don't give a crap. The point about trade routes was particularly interesting -- establishing trade routes can be a game in and of itself (Starflight 2 proudly advertised this) and it's pretty rude of Square-Enix to rob us of this. Sure, some people would get money as fast as possible and shorten the overall game time, but other people would extensively delve into trading and extend their FF13 experience.

It's like Square-Enix doesn't care about people enjoying games "in their own way". They want to lead people down a specific, predictable path with specific, predictable completion times so that... wait a second. That ties directly into your final point!

Yeah, neat review.

//Zig

Now this is what I like to see! Reviews that show up Square Enix for being the hacks they are! And this is coming from a long time Squeenix fan. I enjoyed this review, though I must admit to skimming huge pieces of it because I'm a busy man with little time to read novels these days.

But it's on my "to read again" list because you actually say things with those thousands of words.

This review is long, but it delivers in its goal to thoroughly deconstruct a game that sounds awful. I tip my hat off to you, Fedule.

This review seems really well-written from the glance I gave it, but yeah, I doubt I'll ever get around to reading the whole thing.

"This review seems really well-written from the glance I gave it"

Ha! Final Fantasy XIII seemed pretty decent from the glance I gave it, but, yeah, look at how that turned out. A fitting irony, really.

If I might be permitted to get all paranoid-defensive; normally I write these reviews for fun, because I think it's interesting, and often (particularly in this case) because it's a kind of catharsis. There are a great many things that I feel need to be said about this game, but these objections are difficult to lay out briefly in the context of talking about a game; Final Fantasy XIII was pretty mediocre to me, but what I really, really needed to get off my chest was the fact that the game is, beyond its own failings as a game, symptomatic of a deeper problem with large videogame companies that needs to be dragged out and screamed about. It is a great tragedy (and absolutely not a coincidence) that the true problem with FFXIII is not the kind of problem that the kind of person who believes FFXIII is an amazing, revolutionary videogame will even recognize as being relevant to the context videogames. By the time I was done playing it, I felt like I was literally the only person in the world who could see what this problem even was. As I said, I had a lot to talk about, and it was all I could do to try and keep the whole article as interesting as possible throughout; I want to make this problem communicable. This is my effort.

I went back and read from the top this time. I rarely, rarely, rarely say this about long reviews, but it's pretty brilliant. Thanks for writing this.

//Zig

Well, I decided to give this review a shot and wound up reading it top to bottom without ever looking away. Anyone else who's planning on writing a FFXIII bash should pack up and go home, because this guy has done it so thoroughly that it seems impossible to one-up him.

This is an absolutely extraordinary review. It's amazing that you're able to organize so many thoughts into a coherent piece of writing that flows, and that you're able to keep my attention throughout with humor, breathtaking detail and a distinct voice. How is this the first review of yours I've read, and why the hell aren't you reviewing more often?

I will read this, I swear. I'm just trying to mentally prepare myself.

Also, from a basic skim, I think we have similar complaints about the game, and what it means to the genre. If future FF games choose to go the same way, then... =/

And, you know what? That was a good long read. It was also quite easy to read, it seemed to have a natural pace and good flow... and I've honestly read reviews that were a quarter of the size and were much harder to read.

I already reached these same conclusions. I can't quite remember where in the game I was when the illusion broke, and I realised I wasn't having fun... but I still did finish the game, and tackle a fair few of the side quests. I really want to get all the trophies for this and then never play it again.

And I really should stop buying collectors editions of these fucking games. It seems like each one I buy, the game ends up being crap. I fell for it with Grand Theft Auto IV, Star Ocean: The Last Hope... and now this. The only one I don't regret is Oblivion.

Final Fantasy XIII makes me angry, not so much because it's a bad game, but as you say, because it lies and pretends to be something else. Everything is sacrificed so that the story can take precedence... and the story never reaches any of the heights that it could, despite the interesting premise. There's nothing like the scene at the end of disc 1 in FF7... or when Zidane loses his mind and his friends pull him out of it, or when Tidus breaks down when he discovers what will happen to Yuna if she succeeds in her quest. FFXIII likes it characters too much and protects them from their lowest moments. Despair is replaced with angst. Like you said, whining.

And when each character finishes their little development, they become boring, empty shells that have nothing left to offer.

I can see why you were able to write over 6000 words on this subject. Despite the game being stripped of all RPG elements except battle and story, there really is a lot to talk about.

Again, Fedule, great review.

First up - Wow. You guys are too kind. I am not worthy!

Answering questions in order:

zigfried: You're welcome!

Suskie: Fun Fact™: I doubt this is the first review of mine you've read; I wrote a fair amount of stuff for GameFAQs when Review Of The Day (including two ROTDs...). I know for certain that you read at least one of those, because one of the ROTDs I have saved (from, y'know, having wrote it) contains a reference to something you said about something I wrote. So there! Anyway, it's true that I'm an... infrequent... contributor; if you have read any of my reviews it'd be long enough ago to be forgettable. I don't review more often because for all my knowledge and love of videogames, I don't really play that great a number of them, and it's not always the case that I can think of something to say that I can say with any kind of conviction (I don't know how you prolific writers do it!).

jerec: "I really want to get all the trophies for this and then never play it again." - Oh, man, do I ever hear that. My honest opinion? People who use the savegame editor to apply money hax (to get the Treasure Hunter award, and then using all your shiny ultimate gear to rampage through the missions) are probably more morally justified than those who don't. In fact, I think that using money hax is the only way to really "beat" FFXIII. Oh, what, did you spend twenty hours grinding Adamantoises to get Platinum Ingots for the sellin'? As a great man once said in an iconic film: "Son? You playin' that game, or the game playin' you?"

Ben: Duh! It's so obvious if you thi- ah, anyway, yeah, you're right. At the risk of revealing how much I've thought about the plot, it goes something like this: Orphan wants to die but "cannot self terminate", Bart wants to destroy Cocoon but cannot, because, surprise! Fal'Cie have Focuses too. So the idea was to lure the party to Orphan by making them think the Cavalry were going to destroy it, and forcing them to kill Orphan. Yes, it's very flimsy. Yes, it has probably been written with the express purpose of creating clusters of fanboys who will appear to be (and act like) geniuses who can understand such a complex, nuanced plot, that us fools will be in awe of when we dare to question its logic.

jerec: You think this is long? Try Tim Rogers' FF13 review.

God Bless Tim Rogers. I believe I mentioned him in the second post on this page!

He says in his "about" page that he does things like write "reviews" in order to talk about "videogames" generally, and that FFXIII review talks about FFXII, Dragon Quest IX, Monster Hunter, etc. It's all legit, and good stuff, but it's like no "review site" you'll ever read. He also happens to be the friggen' master of the "stream of consciousness" writing style; next to no structure but still gripping and interesting and very, very, correct. I read his review long before I wrote mine, and it was all I could do to not copy and paste entire swaths of it at once. The fact is, what he has spotted, and what I spotted too, is The Truth™, and the fact that my own experience of the game differed a lot from his and still lead to The Truth™ shows just how much of a Big Deal™ The Truth™ is.

It's interesting. I can't deny that I enjoyed FFXIII, yet at the same time, I find myself sympathizing far more with those who didn't like it. I hate it when people bash a game in an established series just for being different, yet many people such as yourself are taking a far more considered approach, i.e., it's not just that FFXIII omits crucial elements, but that the changes actually detract from the experience. You covered that in phenomenal detail here.

I still stand by what I said in my review: The combat is great, and the game works because it revolves so heavily around its combat, yet I don't really see what Square-Enix accomplished by making these alterations. They've done enough good for this industry to ever be called "hacks" in my mind, but yeah, FFXIII was a bizarre misstep.

By the way, am I the only one who didn't think FFXIII was all that difficult? I did a fair amount of grinding even before Chapter 11 (found a few spots where enemies respawned quickly) so I wouldn't say it's the game's fault, but I was surprised to go back to the FFXIII thread and read that Genj tried to beat the final boss for a couple of hours, since I was able to blaze through all three forms without breaking a sweat.

(And speaking of that, it's been a great year for stupid-looking final boss designs, hasn't it? Mass Effect 2, Dante's Inferno, and now FFXIII's grand finale pits us against a couple of fucking Christmas tree ornaments.)