1) The main reason people don't buy games is advertising and lack thereof, plus RPGs is still kind of a niche genre to begin with. Plus, the game probably has its flaws and I don't think your opening paragraphs hard sold the game well at all. You don't mention what kind of game it is in the beginning, either. Plus, might as well call it My World My Way once with (MWMW) to denote you will be abbreviating it for now on. It comes off as lazy in my eyes otherwise.
2) You might think this is really a game for girls. Although the enemies feature both male warriors and female ninjas, psychotic donkeys and spear wielding penguins, fire breathing potatoes and kicking buffalos, the focus of the game is on Elis, and her desire to impress a guy. Her companions are a pet parrot (Paro) whose name indicates what might seem to be a lack of imagination, and a pink slime called Pinky (you see where this is going). Together they explore a range of lands: Grass Land, Snow Land, Chaos Land with similarly non-evocative towns called Grass Town, Desert Town, Evil Volcano, and Marsh Town.
You really need to get over the idea people didn't buy this game just because it's 'for girls' considering Luminous Arc sold about as much and thats pretty manly! Plus, I don't like the usage of the word 'both' and a 'range of lands' being.. three is pretty weak.
3) I like how you try to convince the reader that a RPG can have cliches if it makes fun of them, but I am not sure how many will buy into that concept.
4) You mention Master of the Monster Lair, without denoting it with (MML). As mentioned earlier, this is important if you want to use abbrevations later which you do.
5) I feel with the gameplay description, you described some of the more in depth things well but I didn't get a feel for the basics. I keep telling you that you need to work on the basics but you are in such a FAQ mindset that you forget this. You barely explain pout points, you don't explain the unique way you move on the overworld map, nothing.
6) You did a great job in mentioning its flaws, for what its worth, but most of the basics were not explained so the complaints seem to be coming out of nowhere.
This is a fine review that needs some fine tuning. Keep all that in depth stuff, and just talk some about the basics and maybe things will flow together. I was willing to give the lame 'hard sell' at the beginning a pass, but you never got into why any of the things you glossed over at the beginning where a GOOD THING. And you can't make excuses for why the game sold poorly and then admit it has a lot of flaws later on.
2) You might think this is really a game for girls. Although the enemies feature both male warriors and female ninjas, psychotic donkeys and spear wielding penguins, fire breathing potatoes and kicking buffalos, the focus of the game is on Elis, and her desire to impress a guy. Her companions are a pet parrot (Paro) whose name indicates what might seem to be a lack of imagination, and a pink slime called Pinky (you see where this is going). Together they explore a range of lands: Grass Land, Snow Land, Chaos Land with similarly non-evocative towns called Grass Town, Desert Town, Evil Volcano, and Marsh Town.
You really need to get over the idea people didn't buy this game just because it's 'for girls' considering Luminous Arc sold about as much and thats pretty manly! Plus, I don't like the usage of the word 'both' and a 'range of lands' being.. three is pretty weak.
3) I like how you try to convince the reader that a RPG can have cliches if it makes fun of them, but I am not sure how many will buy into that concept.
4) You mention Master of the Monster Lair, without denoting it with (MML). As mentioned earlier, this is important if you want to use abbrevations later which you do.
5) I feel with the gameplay description, you described some of the more in depth things well but I didn't get a feel for the basics. I keep telling you that you need to work on the basics but you are in such a FAQ mindset that you forget this. You barely explain pout points, you don't explain the unique way you move on the overworld map, nothing.
6) You did a great job in mentioning its flaws, for what its worth, but most of the basics were not explained so the complaints seem to be coming out of nowhere.
This is a fine review that needs some fine tuning. Keep all that in depth stuff, and just talk some about the basics and maybe things will flow together. I was willing to give the lame 'hard sell' at the beginning a pass, but you never got into why any of the things you glossed over at the beginning where a GOOD THING. And you can't make excuses for why the game sold poorly and then admit it has a lot of flaws later on.
