I have an announcement to make.

As you all may (or may not, more likely) know, I started writing reviews exclusively for Honest Gamers in February of this current year. While I can't claim that any of them are a claim to internet fame, I feel confident to exclaim the love that I felt while writing them.

Now that they're published here on the internet, it's as though I have another effigy for my eventual resume. Whether or not you've appreciated the work I've put into bringing the truth to those who are looking for an honest opinion, it remains that I have indeed put much work into each piece.

Now that I'm in the running of the TT for the first time, a welling depression has begun to arise from someplace deep within. This feeling knows no stopping; I've tried all that I can think of, but it boils down to a single, root problem.

This pain that kills me, I've identified it. Yes, I know it well.

That is why I announce, that I must beat Espiga. I must! And if I cannot, in fact, beat Espiga off the face of this game board. . .

Well, I've come to terms with the heavy weight of a possible loss. And I've decided that, if I lose, I will retire.

From masturbating.

CRUSH