Dear friends, I am about to admit something that I’m sure no one will forgive me for. It’s something I should have known about for ages, but sadly, I did not, thanks to my restricted knowledge of video games a child.
My friends, I… I don’t know who Kage Maru is.
But thanks to Virtua Fighter CG Portrait Series Vol. 9: Kage Maru, I know exactly who he is!
He’s a ninja! A super stealthy blue-clad ninja who likes to jam to J-Poppy-rock tunes that easily catch your ear. He apparently likes to strike poses, and train, or something. I can’t really tell with the shiny still-frame montage. But it sure looks nice!
After about a minute of watching frame after frame, I found myself bopping to the music more than paying attention to the pretty graphical design. Which is odd because after 8 thousand views to try and figure what was going on, I found myself getting tired of the music.
Every time, though, I was caught by a sudden change about halfway through. The music suddenly mellowed, and our mysterious, previously disguised ninja showed his face!
Kage is a very effeminate looking man, as all Japanese anime-style men are wont to look. He must disguise himself to preserve his reputation!
But for some reason, he is readily OK to stand on a sliver of wood meditating while wearing naught but his blue ninja pants.
Perhaps it’s why they show him running or jumping or something with a series of bright flashes to emulate movement. Because the next place he’s at is the top of this tree or mountain. I can’t tell.
After this brief intermission, the music picks up again, the same oddly-catchy-but-growing-old tune from the beginning. But our ninja has yet to put his mask back on. After that exhausting effort to escape sight, he should automatically put the concealing device back on. I don’t know what to make of it. Perhaps he’s in his private home where no one can see him. That’d make sense, if it weren’t for the camera filming him 24/7.
….This “game” is no game at all! It’s like watching a slideshow with flashy graphics and earworm music.
But at least I know who Kage Maru is. He’s a ninja, right?
