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Review Archives (All Reviews)

You are currently looking through all reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by JoeTheDestroyer and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
King's Knight (NES)

King's Knight review (NES)

Reviewed on September 10, 2012

Although it sounded like an interesting hybrid of shooter and RPG, the mix wasn't enough to hold my attention as a kid. Without the game's selling point to hold me in thrall, there was nothing to dull the stiff challenge I experienced.
Power Blade (NES)

Power Blade review (NES)

Reviewed on September 07, 2012

The situation only worsens when you secure a power suit, which turns any level into a massive abattoir. Thanks to the god complex that weapon upgrades like the power suit might give you, 90% of the game’s potential challenge is rendered null and void. Where's the entertainment in that?
Little Ninja Brothers (NES)

Little Ninja Brothers review (NES)

Reviewed on August 18, 2012

There are random encounters, for instance, but they don’t appear in the manner you might expect. Battles take place in real time on various battlefields. Basic stones serve as obstructions and ponds act as HP-draining traps. While negotiating such hazards, you must deliver knuckle sandwiches of justice to unruly beasts and wicked ninjas.
Starship Hector (NES)

Starship Hector review (NES)

Reviewed on August 17, 2012

It may seem like too much to take out a swarm of ships coming at you when you have to dodge four to eight bullets at the same time AND manage to take out the cannons to prevent further shots, but damn it, that first stage will teach you to do so, and you'll love it.
Mystery Quest (NES)

Mystery Quest review (NES)

Reviewed on August 08, 2012

The thing is there's very little I can do to make this game sound interesting. It's so incredibly simplistic that it's boring. Having to guess your way through half of it doesn't improve the experience. In fact, between fighting off the torpor brought on by uninteresting gameplay and managing your frustration caused by irritating jumps, you'll more than likely find yourself in a rage quit situation before too long.
Swamp Thing (NES)

Swamp Thing review (NES)

Reviewed on August 08, 2012

Swamp Thing is too damn hard!
Bad Dudes (NES)

Bad Dudes review (NES)

Reviewed on August 08, 2012

The true heart of the problem with Bad Dudes is that it's incredibly boring. I don't know how, but Data East managed to take something that looks awesome and turn it into a burly snoozefest.
Peter Pan and the Pirates (NES)

Peter Pan and the Pirates review (NES)

Reviewed on August 08, 2012

It's like Equilibrium slapped together a basic platformer, crudely inserted characters from the television series, then tacked on the ability to fly and called it a day. Even if you are a fan of the show, you deserve way better than this. You're much better off browsing old episodes on YouTube and forgetting this awkward license title exists.
Arkista's Ring (NES)

Arkista's Ring review (NES)

Reviewed on August 02, 2012

The game is enjoyable for the first forty stages or so, but still not brilliant. It certainly isn't good enough to justify 124 stages, or even half that.
Whomp 'Em (NES)

Whomp 'Em review (NES)

Reviewed on July 29, 2012

Copying an established name makes sense, but turning out a sloppy copy doesn't. If you're going to rip someone off, then do your best to refine their work. Show a rival company how it's done! If you're just going to crank out an imperfect clone, then why bother?
Magmax (NES)

Magmax review (NES)

Reviewed on July 25, 2012

Magmax is one of those games I would list as mediocre, if not for one major fault: it's incredibly boring. The game is quite stable and playable, but the burning question is would you want to play it?
The Simpsons: Bart vs. the World (NES)

The Simpsons: Bart vs. the World review (NES)

Reviewed on July 21, 2012

The main problems reside in platforming and level design. There are too many mazes and too many instances where you must rely on faulty controls to overcome a series of tricky, tedious jumps. All for what? So you can play the four levels that are actually worthwhile? No thanks. I'll take Simpsons: Hit & Run any day.
Little Samson (NES)

Little Samson review (NES)

Reviewed on July 19, 2012

It's yet another case in which a developer wisely forsook innovation for refinement. The team at Takeru knew their audience, they knew what platformer players wanted, and they delivered. Oh, did they ever deliver
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Heroes of the Lance (NES)

Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Heroes of the Lance review (NES)

Reviewed on July 12, 2012

In Heroes of the Lance, traveling was more like wandering. I had no idea where I was at any point, where I was going, or how I was going to get to the unknown goal. I'd try a random door and hope what was beyond it didn't massacre my party. From there I'd try another random door, and another, and another in the hopes of reaching the mysterious goal.
Monster Party (NES)

Monster Party review (NES)

Reviewed on July 09, 2012

[Monster Party] pales in comparison to other side-scrollers on the NES; games that feature brilliant levels, stiff challenges, and epic 8-bit boss battles. Sadly, little of that appears in Monster Party.
Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu (NES)

Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu review (NES)

Reviewed on July 06, 2012

Here's a game where Color Dreams stepped up a little bit, but ultimately fell back into their old nasty habits. They curbed their weakness for ripoffs with unstable play control, but ultimately still gave us a game that isn't at all pleasing to play.
Air Fortress (NES)

Air Fortress review (NES)

Reviewed on July 04, 2012

Air Fortress came to life when it thrust me into desperate situations while inside the fortress itself. Forget the blending of genres. The blend of isolation, claustrophobia, tension, panic, and the fear that you might not have enough energy to survive was the real mixture this game thrived on.
Kickle Cubicle (NES)

Kickle Cubicle review (NES)

Reviewed on July 02, 2012

It's like the developers spent more time making it look cute and less time developing a challenging puzzler. I don't know if the toned down challenge was intentional, what with the cutesy atmosphere and all, but it sure as hell wasn't welcome.
Onyanko Town (NES)

Onyanko Town review (NES)

Reviewed on June 30, 2012

It's a simple arcade-style game that would work great in small sessions, if not for its shortcomings.
Captain Skyhawk (NES)

Captain Skyhawk review (NES)

Reviewed on June 29, 2012

Rare's invitation to play and keep playing is what makes the game worthwhile. It's not only a charming and fun title, but you can tell the developers wanted you to keep playing and enjoy the time you spend.

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