Day One: After four hours of waiting in queue the first time around, my internet connection dropped and I got kicked out. Then I tried to use the connection at work, got through the queue, only to realize that the file was 9GBs and wouldn't fit on my flash drive.

Day Two: Coughed up $6 for a Fileplanet membership to skip the queues. Six hours later, the file had downloaded completely, minus a few KB, resulting in an unusable file. Presently halfway through my fourth attempt with a few indeterminable hours to go. Guess I'll go get some coffee and work on some other reviews. It's not like I'll be playing Warhammer Online anytime soon.

Dinosaurs don’t need help to be scary. They’re stronger, faster, more resilient, and better hunters than you’ll ever be. That leaves one, powerful weapon that many FPSs frequently ignore – wits.

What makes the invasion of the U.S. different from that of France? Who would fight back, and who would manipulate the situation for personal gain? Instead of seizing the opportunity to dissect the American experience, Spark slapped some fedoras and Brooklyn accents on the scene and called it a day.

How are you supposed to know that a ladder has no bottom end, or that a passage will suddenly collapse upon your skull? You do it, say hello to the reaper, and try again until you get it right.

I would like to know why giant robots roam the streets of 1939, why the rebellious Occupants are battling the empire of Dr. Krone, and most of all, why those rebels trust me without so much as a “hello.” If a stranger popped into my house, the last thing I would do is give him a gun and turn my back.

I wasn’t prepared for such a devastating trip through the portable chop-shop. I only managed to squeeze about four minutes of reckless fun before Untamed and its constricted tracks morphed into an exercise in repetition. There’s a fine line where a game stops being challenging and starts feeling like work.

Like the hard pavement of reality, skate. can be mercilessly unforgiving. My first 30 minutes of bailed grinds incited a vocal rampage that would have made the halls of Def Jam blush. Where some might have seen all the joy of self-flagellation, I saw the second coming of skating games.

Plasma cannons were so utterly devastating to an area that I didn’t have to bother hitting the target. Walls and barricades became momentary nuisances as my squad razed the battlefield. With the plasma cannon’s range I avoided Overwatch and stomped through mission after mission with barely a scuff on my armor.

COD4 is epic in scope and short on time, but brevity can be a powerful tool in capable hands. Over the course of two days, I stormed terrorist bunkers, marched a tank through city streets, and held an entire militia at bay. I was exhausted, and yet, so moved by the climax that I immediately began the battle again.

I was a little scared by the box’s blatant abuse of the word “gnarly,” but let all be forgiven by the image of one woman – Martha Quinn. If you grew up with cable TV, you shouldn’t need an introduction to this illustrious VJ.

Sit back, let the timer run out, and you will still end up with a perfectly presentable dish and one of 68 new recipes for your lack of effort. Doing well gets a good score, but I’m not really the kind of guy who calls up friends to brag about my delightfully moist, and let’s not forget virtual, chocolate cake.