Rough Draft Intro For Super Mario Bros. ideas.

here's a brief snippet of how my 1st HG review is coming along so far..

''Back in the day when the only star Mario ever needed to collect was the one that granted him limited invincibility instead of the useless stars he had to go treasure hunting for in Super Mario 64 and before Mario had a sorry excuse of a talking water tank strapped to his back to fight the baddies with in Super Mario Sunshine, there was Mario's original sidekick and other less famous brother--Luigi. Although they never fought alongside each other, together they took it straight to their enemies' faces by the most simplest and effective means as they stomped, kicked and fireballed their way to save Princess Toadstool from the clutches of a lecherous lizard king of the Koopas--Bowser.''

''Super Mario Bros. still amazes me to this day not because of the myriad accomplishments it once achieved or the heap of endless praises it always recieves, but the smooth gameplay and lavish attention to detail in the game design that is at once -- accessible, immaculate, polished and pristine! It's no wonder Super Mario Bros. is still a joy to play even twenty years later after it's release.''

1/24/06 6:50 p.m. - i did a slight edit on the 1st paragraph as follows(will continue where i left off tonight!):

Back in the day when the only star Mario ever needed or mattered, in fact, was the one that granted him limited invincibility instead of the useless stars he had to go scouring all over for in Super Mario 64 and before Mario had a sorry excuse of a talking water tank strapped to his back to fight baddies with in Super Mario Sunshine, there was Mario's original sidekick and other less famous brother, Luigi. Although they never fought alongside each other, together they took it straight to their enemies' faces by the most simplest and effective means as they stomped, kicked, and fireballed their way to save Princess Toadstool from the clutches of a lecherous lizard named Bowser, King of the Koopas. This was Super Mario Bros. at it's rawest and purest. -or- These were the glory days of Super Mario Bros.

any critiques would be nice. thanks!

Comments 3

cheekylee Jan 24, 2006

I like it. It is polished, and has a nice flow to it. If one was to offer a criticism, it would be that perhaps the review will sound a bit like most other reviews out there. However, that is not neccessarily a bad thing. You should get comfortable with reviewing before bursting out with your own style, after all.

jiggs Blogger Jan 24, 2006

thanks Lee! I want to incorporate a good dose of alliteration and rhyming into my reviews although I've realized I seem to do that involuntarily most of the time.

draqq_zyxx Jan 27, 2006

Back in the day when the only star Mario ever needed or mattered, in fact,(unnecessary) was the one that granted him limited(true but doesn't add much) invincibility instead of the useless(overexaggeration - stars were actually necessary to pregress) stars he had to go scouring all over for(unnecessary) in Super Mario 64 and before Mario had a("the") sorry excuse of a talking water tank strapped to his back(too much info) to fight baddies with in Super Mario Sunshine, there was Mario's original sidekick and other less famous brother, Luigi.(while this sentence is grammatically correct, it is much too long, especially as the first sentence - the sentence is trying to do too much) Although they never fought alongside each other, together(delete) they took it(what is "it") straight to their enemies' faces by the most simplest and effective means as they(unnecessary - what follows shows the meaning of "straight to their face") stomped, kicked, and fireballed their way to save Princess Toadstool from the clutches of a lecherous lizard named(common gamer knowledge) Bowser, King of the Koopas. This was(tense - "is") Super Mario Bros. at it's(homonym - "its") rawest and purest. -or-(delete) These were the glory days of Super Mario Bros.

''Super Mario Bros. still amazes me to this day,(add) not because of the myriad accomplishments it once achieved(very vague) or the heap of endless praises it always recieves(misspelling), but the smooth gameplay and lavish(lavish attention?) attention to("of") detail in the game design that is at once("at once"?) -- accessible, immaculate, polished and pristine(that's a lot of adjectives)! It's no wonder Super Mario Bros. is still a joy to play even twenty years later after it's(homonym - its) release.''

Hope this critique helps. The introduction is actually quite strong - just needs a few touch-ups.