Forums > Submission Feedback > aschultz's 2400 A.D. review

I enjoyed this review, ASchultz. It was a bit unusual because I typically expect your reviews to be fairly heavy on the analysis, but I admire the fact that you tried something different. I think it worked fairly well, too. The experience of playing 2400 AD comes across really well, which probably wouldn't have been the case if you had taken a more conventional approach.

Generally the descriptions were clear and vivid, but I did stumble over a few sentences. This one, for example: "They may prank the robots, whine or even know a thing or two, but assembling's out; the robots the Tzorgs left are, apparently, jealous about OTHER friends." Maybe I'm being stupid, but I don't quite follow this. Who are the other friends? The subversives?

"fuck yeah oblivion" - Jihad

Thanks! I tried something new and I'm glad you didn't find any huge holes.

The "other" friends is a reference to the other subversives:

1) the Tzorg robots are your friends
2) people might have friends--other people
3) the Tzorg robots are jealous of these friends

It's a tricky triangularization and I think I might do well to move it up. I think you saw this, but you had to fight to see it, and that's a sign I can be clearer.

Your suggestions to look harder to rewrite reviews as stories is a good one. I still don't know how to do this with Super Black Onyx, but I believe I can. I appreciate your encouragement for me to move beyond competence at "just" reviewing/analysis, and I am making a deliberate attempt to slow output to sit on a review and say, can I do anything extra with this.

I'd like to have put in something about how the "public service" messages get amusing after they repeat--some of them are "there has been a disturbance in sector X" and you know which NPC did it. They're also quite amusing as you get better, because you realize how little they may apply to you. I don't think I implied that strongly enough, but it would be tricky to put into the flow of the piece without making it analytical.

Well, that's what rewrites are for.

My principal said, 'Emo, Emo, Emo.'
I said 'I'm the one in the middle, you lousy drunk!'
-- Emo Phillips