Recent Stuff 13: Spectre.... (spoilers)

Well, since I obviously want to talk about the new 007 film so badly, the movie section comes first!

-MOVIES-

Spectre (spoilers, spoilers everywhere): While I wasn't exactly hyped for the film... mainly because I forgot it was coming out this weekend, I thought it could have been a fun watch in the theaters, especially since Sam Mendes returns as director. As I was sitting in the theater watching the movie, and before the credits sequence popped up, I started feeling as if something was off. The opening sequence started off promising with an impressive continuous shot, but it quickly devolved into a nonsensical, weirdly-directed helicopter fight with a flaccid climax. I let it slide, though, thinking they can't possibly all be impressive openers.

But then the nonsense continued with very odd pacing, pointless scenes, and jokes that fell flat on their asses. The very first moment I realized I was possibly watching a dud happened when Bond escaped the meeting full of people and security in Rome, which is followed by a chase sequence with only one person; that entire sequence was one of the worst things I've seen in a recent Bond movie since the entirety of Die Another Day. The chase itself felt like a car commercial as the two cars turned carefully (or at least that's what it looked like) around empty streets. Then the jokes fell flat as Bond flicked switches in the car, only for one not to work and another one that turned on music. Ha... ha? Then the movie made an airbag joke. Then, what seems to be a running gag for the movie, the car chase scene flaccidly ends with Bond ejecting out of the car, and his pursuer, who was just behind him, assuming he was still inside as it crashed into the water.

The plot itself felt like absolute hot garbage. It shamelessly reuses the plot point from Skyfall about the 00 Agents being relics and combines it with the need for a global security system. Even if you haven't seen the film, you can predict how this turns out. Or watched Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Or watched Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation. Or played Metal Gear. Even then, the film tries to act as if the security system being controlled by the enemy was a big twist, and so wastes our time with scenes we really don't need to see along the way. Then the movie tries for a Dark Knight ending with almost no suspense.

There were some brief highlights, like Bond's brawl on the train, or some (emphasis on "some") of the things that happen when he's with Blofeld. The ending also has me intrigued, too. Blofeld survives and is taken into custody, but not before he glares at Bond happily walking off with a certain woman. OHMSS remake incoming? But there was just too much nonsense. And a lot of the scenes felt way too familiar to other Bond films. Whether it was intentional or not, a lot of these weren't even great or noteworthy scenes in Spectre. Nonsense. I know I'm overworking that word, but there's no other way to describe the stuff happening in a Daniel Craig Bond film.

The biggest insult, and one of the poorest forms of plot twisting, happens when Bond finally meets Blofeld, face-to-face, in his base. Hey, you remember the last three movies with Bond kicking ass? Surprise! Blofeld planned everything, even the ass-kicking!

EVVVVVVEEEERRRRRYYYYYYYYTTHHHHINNNG!!

Seriously, screw this movie.

Death Hunt: Yeah, it's not accurate to the real story, but it's a fun, albeit simple movie to watch. Lee Marvin doesn't put up with anyone's gibberish, and Charles Bronson gives zero fucks. It's great.

Soylent Green: I watched it. That's all I'll say on that matter.

-GAMES-

Gotcha Racing: this was the game I considered reviewing in the last blog entry, but decided against, since I just didn't want to rant about a racing game. Two words sum it up: artificial longevity. There's a lot of repetition going on, especially since you have to repeat early races to earn money for parts and enter fees for later races. Now here's the stinker: you don't know what parts you're buying, since they come out randomly from a capsule toy vending machine. That's the general gist of why it sucks, but there's other offensive stuff, like the racing being boring, not to mention the game makes you use your 3DS coins to buy special parts. These special parts break after about three races...

Metal Gear Online 3: For some reason??? This game is the reason I'm currently in a gaming and reviewing slump, yet I can't seem to pull myself away from this broken game. Though, I haven't played it within a week, so I guess that's an improvement.

That's that. I have a game or two in mind for review, so hopefully I'll have one up before my next blog entry.