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Review Archives (All Reviews)

You are currently looking through all reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by sho and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
Splatterhouse 3 (Genesis)

Splatterhouse 3 review (GEN)

Reviewed on October 25, 2009

From the day it first oozed forth into unsuspecting arcades, the SplatterHouse franchise has been synonymous with outrageous violence, undying horrors from beyond the grave . . . and equally musty gameplay. Yet where its predecessors may have been stiff, simplistic side-scrollers, this third installment chucks out the old formula like so many decapitated heads in favor of brutal beat 'em up action featuring a few novel twists.
The Legend of Kyrandia (PC)

The Legend of Kyrandia review (PC)

Reviewed on April 04, 2009

With The Legend of Kyrandia RTS-kingpin Westwood Studios aptly demonstrate this principle in action – despite pretty graphics and outstanding music, it plays like a blueprint on how NOT to design an adventure game.
Planet of Lust (Amiga)

Planet of Lust review (AMIGA)

Reviewed on November 18, 2008

After the eye-melting monstrosities of SEX VIXENS FROM SPACE, Free Spirit apparently decided to hire an actual artist for this subsequent attempt to create an actual game. Unfortunately they must have been so busy wanking over the new graphics that they forgot to include those niggling little details like "puzzles," "plot," and "point."
Exile (Turbografx-CD)

Exile review (TGCD)

Reviewed on November 14, 2008

Today’s review is brought to you by the letter E, commonly found in such words as "execution," "eviscerated," and of course "eroticism" – all of which can likewise be found among the desert wastes of Exile.
Taboo: The Sixth Sense (NES)

Taboo: The Sixth Sense review (NES)

Reviewed on June 19, 2008

Despite bearing Nintendo’s protective Seal of Quality, Taboo was clearly hewn from naught but the crimson hand of Satan himself – and believe me, I know a thing or two about Satan.
Deja Vu: A Nightmare Comes True (Amiga)

Deja Vu: A Nightmare Comes True review (AMIGA)

Reviewed on June 16, 2008

This is no time for ridiculously cheesy monologues – there’s a body upstairs suffering from a serious case of lead poisoning and Chicago’s finest are already out for your head, assuming what’s left of your brain doesn’t do itself in first.
Road Avenger (Sega CD)

Road Avenger review (SCD)

Reviewed on June 13, 2008

Road Avenger isn’t just Wolf Team’s finest laserdisc conversion, it’s clearly the greatest FMV game on Sega CD and the best damn thing Data East was ever responsible for in their long and largely mediocre history! Maybe those last two aren’t exactly what you’d call ringing endorsements, but rest assured that from the moment you boot up this bad boy you’re in for naught but burning hot AWESOME.
Uninvited (Amiga)

Uninvited review (AMIGA)

Reviewed on February 04, 2008

You might be Uninvited, but the longtime residents lurking inside can’t wait to have you for dinner.
Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball (Xbox)

Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball review (XBX)

Reviewed on February 02, 2008

Whether you like him or not, you have to give that smug bastard Tomonobu Itagaki his due – the man’s got an enormous set of balls, and I’m not talking about the beach variety.
Maniac Mansion (NES)

Maniac Mansion review (NES)

Reviewed on January 30, 2008

Why is there a chainsaw in the kitchen? Who’s that mummy and what’s he doing in the bathtub? How does Razor get her hair to stand up like that? Every LucasArts devotee worth his rubber chicken should already know the answers to at least two of these questions, but when this demented PC classic somehow managed to land on the NES it introduced a whole new audience to one of the most hilariously inventive point & click adventures of all time.
Teenage Queen (Amiga)

Teenage Queen review (AMIGA)

Reviewed on January 27, 2008

COWER, BRIEF MORTALS.
BattleToads (Arcade)

BattleToads review (ARC)

Reviewed on January 26, 2008

Despite also being the last, the arcade version of BattleToads is definitely the best entry in the series, and in a total coincidence marks a radical departure from all the other games.
Gals Panic SS (Saturn)

Gals Panic SS review (SAT)

Reviewed on January 26, 2008

This atypically console-native edition of Gals Panic is hands down the best offering in the beloved “uncover a glowing silhouette to see some skin” genre – which is why it gets a seven. No seriously, it’s actually a surprisingly decent puzzle game featuring virtually identical gameplay to the arcade-only Gals Panic 4 along with that installment’s unusually tame content.
The Adventures of Bayou Billy (NES)

The Adventures of Bayou Billy review (NES)

Reviewed on January 19, 2008

Since it’s a widely accepted fact that when it comes to action games we American gamers are veritable supermen compared to our nerdy, Dragon Quest-loving Japanese brethren, Konami laid the foundations for such future translations as Castlevania III, Contra: Hard Corps and Devil May Cry 3 by reprogramming Mad City so that it would be impossible to play. I mean not even CAPTAIN N can beat this, and he’s a GAME MASTER.
Sweet Home (NES)

Sweet Home review (NES)

Reviewed on December 21, 2007

You know, I can remember once seeing this game on the release forecast within the hallowed pages of NINTENDO POWER – man, Nintendo of America must have shit themselves when they got a preview copy, because Sweet Home is the grotesque inspiration for Resident Evil.
Maniac Mansion (PC)

Maniac Mansion review (PC)

Reviewed on October 31, 2007

Dave has it rough. As if the pressures of putting off those pesky term papers and sleeping through exams weren’t enough, his cheerleader girlfriend Sandy has been abducted by a mad scientist who wants to suck out her pretty brains. She probably wouldn’t miss them all that much, but there’s more than just Sandy’s cerebellum at stake; it seems that her captor, the retired physician Dr. Fred Edison, is planning a bit of good old-fashioned world domination just as soon as he perfects his patented Zom-B-Matic™ machine.
Sid Meier's Pirates! - Live the Life (PC)

Sid Meier's Pirates! - Live the Life review (PC)

Reviewed on September 19, 2007

Sacking formerly prosperous colonies into fiery ruin alongside your crew of drunken buccaneers, forcing snooty enemy captains to walk the plank after making off with their fancy doo-dads, or showing a buxom doxy just how you got the name “Long John” – it’d bring a tear to me eye if that murderous winged devil hadn’t torn it right out of the socket.
Simple 2000 vol. 101: The Oneechanpon (PlayStation 2)

Simple 2000 vol. 101: The Oneechanpon review (PS2)

Reviewed on August 10, 2007

In this sequel to the popular Oneechanpuruu, you assume the role of a hot Japanese babe in a bikini who carves up the walking dead with her bloodthirsty katana. Besides providing a little insight into the Oneechanbara series’ selling power, this may lead you to conclude that The Oneechanpon features more of the same. You’d be pretty much dead on, too – except that virtually every facet of the original has been improved upon.
Clock Tower: The First Fear (PlayStation)

Clock Tower: The First Fear review (PSX)

Reviewed on August 05, 2007

As its title implies, The First Fear is an enhanced update of the original Clock Tower on Super Famicom. Unfortunately these enhancements are so meager that you’d have to be a really hardcore fan of the series to even bother with it.
Dragon Knight III (Turbografx-CD)

Dragon Knight III review (TGCD)

Reviewed on August 02, 2007

As a professional video game expert, it’s my job – no, my duty – to tell you all about the awesome obscure imports that you’ll never get to play because you suck. But I’m also a lazy bastard, so I decided to pull this disc out of the mighty Turbo collection instead.

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