One Sentence Reviews v3 - 32X Edition
June 17, 2018

::After Burner::

The best version of this game until the next one was made.

::BD Racers::

A bad clone of a Mario Kart clove populated by mascots you probably never knew existed.


A thinking man's action platformer made by Blizzard before they took over the world via MMO.

::Corpse Killer::

Why the hell did Digital Pictures release this awful game three bloody times?

::Cosmic Carnage::

Updated a generic female sprite from the original Japanese release so that she was, instead, constantly on fire for exactly no reason.


The most expensive bad time you can have this side of buying a Nottingham Forest season ticket.


Better than the 3DO port and maybe the awful SNES one.


SEGA tries to muscle into the FMV genre with dreary, head-scratching results.

:: FIFA '96 ::

Stuck between the cart and CD version; the football game no one asked for or wanted.

::Golf Magazine: 36 Great Holes Starring Fred Couples::

A better, more inventive, golf game than the system probably deserved.

::Knuckles' Chaotix::

Hasn't turned up on any of the four million Sonic complication disks for a reason.


Still (arguably) the best hummingbird based puzzle/shooter hybrid on the 32X.

::Metal Head::

An earnest and surprisingly competent mech-em-up.

::Mortal Kombat II::

Is Mortal Kombat II; the decent SEGA one, not the girly Nintendo one.

::Night Trap::

A game with a more interesting history behind it that its actual content warrants.

::Primal Rage::

An entire arcade board version behind the SNES port

::San Goku Shi IV::

I have no idea what is going on!

::Slam City with Scottie Pippin::

Because, what basketball videogames have been crying out for is FMV.

:: Space Harrier::

An arcade perfect port of an arcade game that was first located on Noah's Ark isn't as big a boasting point as you might originally believe.

::Supreme Warrior::



In a city filled with giant mechs where nothing of notice happens at all.

::Virtua Fighter::

Better than the Virtua Fighter CG Portrait Series on the Saturn!

::Zaxxon Motherbase::

Surprisingly nominated as best Zaxxon left standing despite not really being all that Zaxxon-y.

Most recent blog posts from Gary Hartley...

Masters Masters - June 19, 2018 (11:03 AM)
Looks like a dumpster fire, all told. I like the one-line review idea here, and you've done well to sum all of this garbage up succinctly. There's just one problem: where's your one-liner for Pitfall? We all want to hear about that game. Then maybe someone can extrapolate based on that one line, into, say, one paragraph and submit a review.

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