|Not like official worst, but more like least favorite.|
Disclaimer: These are based on my opinion and are not official or canonical in anyway. It's not like I'm a professor of bad horror movies at some university or a major contributor to the genre, so it would be awfully arrogant of me to seriously call these "the worst."
The way I see it, there are three kinds of bad horror movies:
1) Good-Bad: Films that are so bad they're great. Rawhead Rex and Troll 2 are a prime examples of this.
2) "Cute" Bad: Horror movies everyone considers to be the worst and definitely are bad, but are don't hold a candle to the most abysmal entries. Pretty much any bad horror movie can go here. No, I don't feel Seed People and Contamination .7 are the worst horror movies around. You be trippin'.
3) Utterly Abysmal: There's no topping the awfulness of these movies...
In my time, I've seen a lot of bad movies via rentals, MST3K, and SyFy. Whenever I hear someone call some banal SyFy Original or Asylum movie "the worst of all time," I usually say, "That's cute." There are some that I've somehow made it through without turning them off, and have lamented my lost time as a result. I've decided to post the eight that have made me cry the most here.
NOTE: The lack of Manos, Hands of Fate is due to never bothering to suffer through the movie. I know I must one day, but I just can't muster the courage. Same goes for Birdemic.
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|overdrive - November 02, 2015 (10:12 PM)
Here's a couple more that fit into the "worst I've ever seen" category.
In no particular order.
The Suckling: Another !!abortion iz evviiiilllll!! movies. Chick and boyfriend go to some low-rent abortion clinic/whorehouse so she can get abortion. Baby dropped down toilet into radioactive waste in sewers to where it grows into a giant alien thing, imprisons EVERYONE (ie: girl, boyfriend, matron/abortion-giver, her bouncer, her asshole son, a couple hookers and a john, at least) in the house and kills them off, one by one. Boring, predictable and just stupid. You may get the idea with a couple scenes that the makers were going for shocking or controversial, but they never got beyond spinning their wheels at inept.
2. Grim: We've had many a laugh at Mr. Grapefruit Head getting his head crushed to show all the citrus-y goodness inside. That is about the only scene I remember from the movie and, in fact, its only bright point. Boring subterranean trek with bland characters getting picked off by powerful demon monster.
3. The Fear: In theory, it's about a wooden doll of some sort that's able to get characters to face what they most fear, destroying them in the process. In reality, it's a dull semi-thriller where a couple people have really dark secrets (one killed someone and another is a serial rapist who is having an incestual affair with another character) and the doll's presence causes shit to go down. Slowly. With a lot of drama and the villains basically losing because the doll's magic causes them to freak out at bad times (for them). Which makes the mid-movie scene where two minor characters (or at least one of them) gets taken out by FEAR all the more weird, as they didn't seem to be remotely villainous. I guess the makers realized they had a 90-minute film with all the interesting parts coming in the final 15 or so minutes, so they threw in a horror movie kill or two earlier on to keep peoples' interest, even if doing so went at odds with the doll's sense of morality at the close. Oh, and those interesting parts in the final 15 or so minutes...not even close to salvaging things. Not at all.
|JoeTheDestroyer - November 11, 2015 (12:48 PM)
I keep forgetting to respond to this.
I haven't seen The Suckling, but man does it sound awful.
Grim almost made the list, but the grapefruit scene redeemed it enough to at least be terrible and not abysmal for me. I also think the concept could have been good in the right hands (monster living under suburbia, taking people from their homes).
Geez, The Fear. I saw that one and it is pretty bad. They also made a sequel called The Fear: Halloween Night that was just as painful. Like, there's a guy in the movie who's afraid of horses and he gets killed by a horse. For some reason, Morty from The Fear reminds me of the antagonist from The Scarecrow movies (Scarecrow, Scarecrow Slayer, and Scarecrow Gone Wild). It seemed to me that the producers/creators of both flicks really wanted their monsters to be the next Freddy or Jason, maybe even along the lines of Puppet Master, but they ended up cheap imitations.
There's a whole slew of movies I never finished that probably would have made the list (Silo Killer is the only one I can think of off hand).
|overdrive - November 17, 2015 (07:36 PM)
Another one: The Ridge.
I bought a couple of those 15-18 movies in one collection DVD sets where you get 1-2 name movies and a bunch of direct-to-DVD stuff of varying quality. This was an 85-minute slasher where the opening 45-50 was just listening to 5 insufferably annoying college kids banter and bicker. The killing was okayish, if mainly off-screen and carried by overly long stalking scenes, but it was an eternity to get to that point and my attention had long waned.
Killjoy also sucked -- if not for some remotely entertaining things early on, it'd be insufferable with dime-store special effects, blah acting, horrible one-liners from Killjoy and whatnot. It was crap, but The Ridge was a level even lower than that.
|JoeTheDestroyer - November 17, 2015 (07:50 PM)
Dammit, there's one I forgot to add to this list: Barricade.
A WWE Pictures production about a widower who visits a cabin with his kids, gets snowed in, and starts seeing spirits. Everything goes all weird, but not the least bit creepy, the movie eventually becomes confusing, then you reach the big twist at the end (***SPOILER*** the man and his children were just suffering from the flu, so his kids comforted him through the worst of his sickness while he hallucinated ***END SPOILER***) and say, "Did I really just sit through this entire thing for this ending?"
Backwoods is another one that almost made the list. It's a horror/comedy hybrid about a mentally disabled redneck who's coaxed into killing by a transsexual evil spirit called Mangina. From there, the movie is filled with apparent in-jokes that only people involved with the movie (or friends of the crew) would get, followed by some really low quality gore. The only funny part involved a woman having a flashback about her abusive father, who was a ridiculous French stereotype, that ended with her saying something like, "Jesus, even my backstory is stupid."
|JoeTheDestroyer - November 17, 2015 (07:53 PM)
^^^IIRC, the dad was also drunk/stoned out of his mind in Barricade. Still an awful movie.