Horror Ramblings: The Apparition and Blood Glacier
April 06, 2015

Time for some mini-reviews.

The Apparition (2012) - A group of college kids experiment with paranormal blah blah and accidentally unleash a yada yada, and now a couple move into a house and where a bunch of herp-de-derp happens and the audience shrugs... I think we've heard this story before. The Apparition embodies everything that I dislike about modern Hollywood horror films. It recycles a premise without adding much to it, goes through the motions rather than revitalizing old material, and sports one hell of a bad script. How bad? You can see the physical discomfort on the actors' faces as they blurt out each painfully stilted line, as if they know what they're about to say is completely stupid. The movie is pretty short on scares, and what few it has have been obviously pilfered from superior material. There's a splash of Amityville here, a dab of Silent Hill there, and, as with almost all American ghost movies these days, a blatant reference to Ju-On.

I suppose I could harp on the movie's PG-13 rating, but I honestly don't think ratings have anything to do with it. Even with more blood, gore, swearing, subversive material, and nudity, The Apparition would suck. What this movie--and just about every other reviled, watered down, American horror film that has come out since The Exorcism of Emily Rose--lacks is creativity and effective writing. Adding more guts and boobs isn't going to change that.

Rating: 2/10

Blood Glacier (2013) - Alpine climate change researchers encounter an undiscovered microorganism imprisoned within the glaciers that creates hybrid animals. Soon our heroes must survive the night against an onslaught of beetle-hawks, ibex-flies, and fox-woodlice. While I enjoyed the movie, I felt it could have been better. The practical monster effects were great, but not top notch. Still, it's nice to see puppetry and animatronics in a time dominated by CG. Unfortunately, I felt the movie took itself a little too seriously. There were a few splattery scenes that smacked of The Evil Dead-style mayhem, but there was also a pretty lengthy setup and a lot of slack pacing. I think this might have worked were the film a little less ridiculous, but something about giant bugs spliced with woodland animals screams for more insanity a little less blah blah blah.

Still, I think that hawk-beetle or whatever the hell it was is going to haunt my nightmares for a while.

Rating: 6.5/10

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