Exploring [Dragon's] Dogma - Part One. Of probably one.
January 27, 2016

I don't know why I asked for a review code of Dragon's Dogma. No, seriously; I have no idea. I suppose I didn't really think it would drop -- the request was made on release date and it's a Capcom game, who have a bit of a history of not wanting to supply a lot of code. But that was cool; the release date came and went and I had two other games to plug away at, anyway. That was more than enough work without a fifty-hour odd game adding to that. A week past, I reviewed said games in an attempt not to let bloody Venter take an early marathon lead by reviewing more in a couple of weeks than he did for eleven months of 2015 when suddenly --

Jason Venter: Here is your review code for Dragon's Dogma.

If I thought he was devious enough, I would suspect Jason had obtained this code for the nefarious purposes of slowing me down. It'll probably work.

Dragon's Dogma is what Dark Souls would be if it hated you less and wanted to be a bit more like Monster Hunter. I was dropped straight into the action where you play a disguised tutorial stage against a dragon. You mince through some ruins, slice up a few goblins and learn about the NPC lackies milling about you known as pawns. They're a hardy bunch and came in handy when a chimera attacked because I'm not sure I was much use from the abuse they threw at me. "Attack the tail!" they yelled as I flapped my sword about in a panic. "No, not the head!" They said, climbing the beast's back and slashing at the snake tail spewing out poison clouds. "You'll enrage it!" I stabbed it in the eye and it went berserk throwing the soldier from its back. There was much grumbling.

Eventually the beast fell and you're ushered into the "create a character" screen where the game proper begins. As is customary, I spent a lot of time trying to make a character that I decided upon completion I'm wholly unhappy with and am stuck as through the entirety of the game. I've created some kind of clumsy giant with foppish hair and a permanent look of gormless surprise. You can name your characters as you please, but Capcom obviously doesn't trust you so supplies a list of pre-set names that people with child settings on do are not subjected to your immature titles you manually type like Bernie Bigbollocks, or Tits McGee. Mine's just called Gary, then. Way to take the fun out of everything, Capcom.

Gary gormlessly lopes around his small fishing village until the dragon of lore attacks and everyone dies or runs away. Feeling heroic, he charges towards the dragon and get his heart ripped out and eaten. Game over, roll credits -- except that this makes him an Arisen, which means he's that one special guy in all the games like these. Using his new found powers, his besieged township quickly bestow upon him such vital tasks as find that lost book of religious scripture and kill some bloody rabbits.

Beginner stuff is beginner, as you settle on your class (strider for me! Dual daggers and a bow for optimal rabbit killing prowess!) You soon meet your first pawn, who you need to escort to a military encampment near the village. Braving the wold outside your walls put you in the direct paths of rabbits! wandering goblins, but they're pretty easy to put down, even in such a state of novice. The pawns initially babble naive nonsense but tend to pick things up quite quickly, offering you little bits of advice, like where to find the best healing herbs and why you should help that guy getting slaughtered by goblins. Then you get to the encampment and there's a bloody twenty foot Cyclops to put down. I shot him in the eye with arrows. He was a not a fan of that. Not a fan at all.

It took me a couple of attempts to see him off. The first time, I climbed up on his back and stabbed the hell out of him to no effect, ran out of stamina and fell off exhausted wherein he picked me up and squished me. The first big fight comes sometime after this once you've milled around the encampment a bit. Dare go to sleep, and you awake to a hydra sliding into camp. He had to die for ruining my lay-in. After an arrow barrage had no effect, I got a decent hold of his torso and started climbing up (one of his) heads. About to land a flurry of fight-changing blows, instead my IM went off.

DE: What are you doing playing a game you enjoy? You know that's not how it works. You know that.
DE: Put that down and come and play LoL, where we will lose and I will blame you.

Attention diverted, I was thrown half a mile into the distance so I stopped there and went to play LoL, where we lost and I received all the blame.

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Feedback
darketernal darketernal - January 27, 2016 (10:11 AM)
I did blame you, but you are learning. One day you'll make for a nice number two in our gang.


Also, cyclops are beaten by mixing with the sheep and then stabbing it in the eye when it goes to sleep with a burning torch. Everyone knows that.
EmP EmP - January 27, 2016 (11:23 AM)
No, no, no. You shoot it in the eye and let the little people rush at it and die. Then you wade in and take the killing blow. That is how these things are done.
honestgamer honestgamer - January 27, 2016 (03:30 PM)
If you don't spend at least 50 or 60 hours enjoying this game, I will be extremely disappointed. For no reason other than that I like to see you have a good time.
wolfqueen001 wolfqueen001 - January 28, 2016 (05:43 PM)
I think I picked this one up a few weeks ago when I was in Gamestop. It'll probably take me 10 years to get around to playing it, but it's on the list!
overdrive overdrive - January 30, 2016 (02:31 PM)
50 or 60? Pfft, amateur. I'm at 142 on Xenoblade Chronicles and still have some of the post-game (level-wise) side quests to do. One more telethia killing one in Alcamoth, all the new Tephra Cave stuff and the Giant's Treasure one that I know of. Oh, and I think there's a new one with the Nopon Sage, too, with a L90something unique to fight. Now that's actually a dedication of time!
darketernal darketernal - February 01, 2016 (12:02 PM)
Around 90 percent words in that paragraph made no sense to me what so ever.
hastypixels hastypixels - January 02, 2017 (06:32 PM)
So people actually play this game? It's one of those ones I picked up in a bundle and wasn't sure if it was worth the fuss.

And no, I'm still not sure. You're no help. :p
EmP EmP - January 04, 2017 (10:54 AM)
I did beat the game eventually. And then I reviewed it. You can find it on this very site, should you so please!

I really liked the game. As has everyone I've spoken to who has played it. So there's that.

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