I was having this deep discusson with a girl at work today. We were talking about why I'm forever turning up with some form of injury and she made a pretty good point. But it took her a few attempts to tell me as I couldn't hear her from my perch thirty feet up on a wobbly forklift blade, striping down electrical wires I was about 75% sure were no longer live.
"Maybe you should stop doing things like, I don't know, balancing on wobbly forklift blades thirty feet up, striping down electrical wires you're only about 75% sure are no longer live?", she said.
I was feeling very witty today, so, quick as a flash, I shot back with "What?". Then recieved a mild electric shock and nearly fell off.
Thing is, someone has to do these things. The big electric shutters had jambed up and I'm the only goon in the building who knows much about electronics and junk. She shot this down with claims of inane justification, so I'm going to use this point as a running record of what niggles, knocks and hurts I get for a few weeks to shut her up. Cash-money bets were placed on wether I can go a whole week without bruising, spraining or breaking anything, and EmP needs beer money. She's just as imcompetant at her job as I am at mine, so I know she's reading.
And I've a weekend rife with chance to maim. Saturday sees me finishing off the patio I've started building as well as putting crazy paving around the pond I put in years ago and have done nothing with. (It's collected a perfect basin of pure green goop. I like to think strange snake-like creatures live in it and eat all the cats that stray into my yard). Then, on Sunday, I spend the entire day playing football in a pub-team five-a-side knock out. If there was anything that's left me more battered throughout my life than a few games of footie, then I'd be long dead by now. Training Monday, playing Tuesday and, while I'm on the highway to the DANGERZONE, I think I'll squeeze in some Wii Fit on Wedensday.
If I don't make it, the first reply can have my copy of Wizards & Warriors X: Fortress of Fear. But they are to pay P&P
|Most recent blog posts from Gary Hartley...|
|wolfqueen001 - June 27, 2008 (08:31 AM)
Dammit, you. Now do you know why I worry about you all the time?
I really hope you're fucking careful with all this... I hate hearing you got hurt, but you always seem to anyway. >_> And avoiding my questions makes me think something did happen, so that doesn't really help you any, either.
And another thing, I don't see how beer money's going to help you. I would think you'll get even more injured if you're drunk. That's smart. *mutters*
I will say this, though... Seems like you're busier when you're at home than it usually appears. Just knowing you on AIM, I never get the impression that you're doing anything besides site stuff and the like. That's good to know.
Please don't hurt yourself... or die. I assure you, I won't be happy about it... At all.
|viridian_moon - June 27, 2008 (09:06 AM)
Dammit, WQ beat me. No free game for me. :(
Then again, paying the shipping for that game is a pretty bad deal. I see your cunning plan!
|wolfqueen001 - June 27, 2008 (10:10 AM)
Wow, VM. Way to make me and yourself sound totally selfish. >_>
I don't want the game. I posted that because I'm genuinely concerned. The thing would be pointless without him around anyway...
|EmP - June 27, 2008 (10:26 AM)
VM: If you paid P&P, then I wouldn't be waiting three years to get my stuff back while you buy yourself 360 games. Taking the piss much?
WQ: I'm not planning to go get capped anytime soon, dummy.
|WilltheGreat - June 27, 2008 (12:13 PM)
If you die, can I have your accent?
|EmP - June 27, 2008 (12:44 PM)
No. I shall need it to charm my way out of the deepest pits of Hell.
|Halon - June 27, 2008 (01:04 PM)
You get so many injuries playing Football. Lucky you live where you do; if you were from the United States or Canada and played sports you would be (literally) dead by now.
|Felix_Arabia - June 27, 2008 (02:52 PM)
I hear in England there are many longbow shootings.
|EmP - June 27, 2008 (03:45 PM)
Not since Azincourt. We used up our quota.
|viridian_moon - June 27, 2008 (03:54 PM)
I have not forgotten about your stuff! Seriously!
|EmP - June 27, 2008 (04:08 PM)
Why you need to taint my topic of wellbeing with your filthy lies confuses me.
|Felix_Arabia - June 27, 2008 (04:21 PM)
Agincourt and Crecy.
But I also hear that a well-trained army of English longbow men allied with a few thousand pikemen and light cavalry for support can fend off several thousand infantrymen armed with early 19th century muskets.
EmP, let's invade France.
|wolfqueen001 - June 27, 2008 (04:42 PM)
I'm not planning to go get capped anytime soon, dummy.
That doesn't mean I'm still not going to worry about you. You can still get hurt. Your assurances do make me feel better, though. >_> And stop calling me that. Whatever happened to "silly", anywy? <_<
And Jesus, VM; I thought I thought you were going to send that off the last time I spoke to you. How long will it take you? Five minutes? <_<
Not since Azincourt. We used up our quota.
Wow. Way to butcher one of your country's proudest battles or something. Haha. And that's nonsense anyway. I thought there'd be plenty of longbow "accidents" in archery competitions.
|zanzard - June 27, 2008 (04:50 PM)
You know, the british commander in the battle of Waterloo seriously thought about deploying some longbow troops in the field. Thing is, he didn't want to be laughed at, so he didn't do it.
Long after the battle, Napoleon learned of this plan and commented that, had the birtish usedlongbowmen, he would never deploy cavalry troops on the battle.
Anyway, when you invade France, I wanna have Straussbürg!
|wolfqueen001 - June 27, 2008 (04:52 PM)
Ooh. As long as we're calling dibs, can I have Cherbourg?
EDIT: No. I want Bordeax. That has all the wine. I can get rich! <_<
|Felix_Arabia - June 27, 2008 (05:20 PM)
I get the riches. EmP gets Calais. Germany gets the rest. We don't need you.
|wolfqueen001 - June 27, 2008 (05:58 PM)
Fine, then. I guess you won't be using my super-awesome-deathomatic-super-laser-from-Hell-missile-firing-system after all... *runs off crying*
|Felix_Arabia - June 27, 2008 (06:08 PM)
I feel minimally bad.
In all seriousness, all EmP, me, and Germany need for taking over France are a few sticks and stones. The French will surrender before we ever even land on their soil.
|- - June 27, 2008 (07:49 PM)
True story, this.
A few months back, I suggested to my cousin and his circle of friends a game of football. My cousin says that's off the table, since they don't want to get injured. They played badminton the following week, and one of them tore his achilles tendon during a rally. That amused me for a quite a while.
|darketernal - June 28, 2008 (07:09 AM)
I like to think that one day when I am disgustingly and embarassingly rich that Emp will work for me. I will make him dance on wires that I am certain are 99 percent live with power for my amusement.
What a glorious day it will be. My own, personal 7 feet tall Baldrick.
|EmP - June 28, 2008 (07:20 AM)
You're just bitter because, like Ben's story, your only injury of note has come from Badminton, and I laughed at you for a month solid.
|darketernal - June 28, 2008 (08:02 AM)
Oh, how wrong you are. Though that was the first injury that I had where my leg sustained a trauma. I snapped my arm, all of my fingers, had a pretty strong concussion from a club to the face, eight inch long scar on my leg from a close encounter with a vicious manhole, broken chins and so on.
All manly injuries and each tells a story, more mach o then the last one!
|EmP - June 28, 2008 (09:27 AM)
Falling down a manhole isn't manly! I snapped my leg in half playing rugby -- that's manly!
|darketernal - June 28, 2008 (11:35 AM)
But you are english, known for tea and crumpets! Me, I am of the manly slavic nations, rugged and barbarian like. I am quite sure most people think we still sleep under the starlit sky with nothing but a rock for our pillow.
|EmP - June 28, 2008 (12:05 PM)
You fractured your ankle playing Badminton. Badminton! That's not rugged, that's downright embarrassing.
|honestgamer - June 28, 2008 (12:13 PM)
Badminton... Along with crochet, that's one of the few sports for which I show a certain level of affinity. Naturally, I use the term 'sports' in the loosest possible sense. If I'm good at something, it's not really a sport. See how that works?
|Felix_Arabia - June 28, 2008 (12:53 PM)
Crochet is what grandmas do.
Isn't badminton the game with the SHUTTLECOCK? Gotta love that thing.
|honestgamer - June 28, 2008 (02:30 PM)
Oops. Yeah, I meant croquet, of course... which is still something that the grandmothers do. ;-)
|wolfqueen001 - June 28, 2008 (04:02 PM)
Hahaha. I had an image of Jason sitting in a rocking chair with crochet needles for a minute. That was amusing.
The only injury sustained from any kind of sporting thing I've ever done within the past year was when I strained my neck in karate. <_< Does that mean I'm more manly than DE?
|Halon - June 28, 2008 (09:41 PM)
|EmP - June 30, 2008 (04:28 AM)
I dunno. DE does try and train as a boxer.
At least he's not yet admited his love of knitting.
|darketernal - July 01, 2008 (09:56 AM)
And that's the thing. I evade punches in the ring three times a week, fly like an eagle and sting like a bee. I am so fast that I can turn off the light in my bedroom and before said light disappears I am already in the bed.
And then I snap my ligaments playing an extremely rugged match where many have fallen of badminton. God must be having a jolly laugh up there.
As for knitting, it also can be a woodchuckery level of manly activity. Do you think Spider-man or Superman got their emblems out of thin air? I think not!
Batman is a rich git so he probably got Alfred to make him his.