Mecarobot Golf (SNES) review
"There are some games where, when you buy 'em, you know they're going to be bad. Mecarobot Golf for the SNES is one of those. I knew I was buying a clunker, but I expected to get at least a dash of fun for my $2.99. I was wrong."
"Mecarobot Golf. I've been looking for this one," I told the underpaid, greasy-haired Funcoland salesclerk.
"Yeah, be sure to let me know how that one is. I've heard good things about it," he replied, sarcasm dripping from his hairy mouth.
There are some games where, when you buy 'em, you know they're going to be bad. Mecarobot Golf for the SNES is one of those. First off, it's a golf game by a no-name company. Second, it's got the cheesy fish-out-of-water robot theme, which never makes for a high-quality game (see Base Wars for proof). But it can make for a silly and quirky game, good for a few laughs (once again, see Base Wars). I knew I was buying a clunker, but I expected to get at least a dash of fun for my $2.99.
I was wrong. I'll get to why in a minute.
Yeah, so I buy a crappy golf game (never my favorite genre in the first place), but I figure at least I can put some bionic boost in my swings, send the ball flying 800 yards, or heck, maybe even play on the moon. But surprisingly, if you noticed the word MECAROBOT in the title, this is a normal humdrum golf game — set in generic green hills golf course USA — with a bunch of chubby middle-aged golfers trying to hack it in a standard no-name, nothing-special golf league. And there's a robot. Or as design team Toho calls it, a mecarobot.
But, as I said, there's a wee bit of a problem.
YOU DON'T GET TO PLAY AS THE ROBOT!
Yes it's true — you're a blonde, silly-pantsed goofy-capped hacker, and you play against the robot. The actual golf gameplay in this one is an abysmal total cookie-cutter overnight project, but it still could have been fun — they could have thrown gravity out the window with a lunar course, or had a bunch of stuff to beat up like you'd find in Ninja Golf on the Atari 7800. Or they could have simply let you play as the robot. But no. You're a blonde guy stuck in a rush-job golf game. And to make it even worse, your opponent is a titanium driving machine, who can send the ball to the green in one hit! Even with a 3 iron! How is this supposed to be fun?
So I tried the pairs option, and chose the robot as my partner. At least this way, when it was the robot's turn to swing, I figured I could slaughter the chubby male and chubby female I was playing against. But, select it as your partner, and the first words out of the robot's mouth?
"Let's play fair."
Words I never once heard when the silvery-steel bastard was my opponent.
From that point on, as my partner, the robot SUCKED. No more sending the ball soaring to the green, no more bionic putter power, no more awesomeness. When you play against it, the robot is an irresistible golfing force that thrives on unfairly cutting you down to size. Deadly accurate, even with the harder-to-control wood clubs. Play with the robot, and suddenly it's concerned with sportsmanlike conduct.
Mecarobot Golf is not only bad and not only bland, it's insulting. It waves a funny and quirky (if silly) idea in your face, as if to say "Wouldn't YOU like to defy the laws of golf?" But then the game yanks that hope away, leaving you a simpering husk in the face of an unbeatable mechanized adversary. At least you can trade this atrocity back in for 50 cents. That's enough to drown your sorrows in a cold, frosty can of root beer.
Mode 7 Appropriateness: 1/10
Staff review by Zigfried (March 21, 2005)
Zigfried likes writing about whales and angry seamen, and often does so at the local pub.
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