Review Archives (All Reviews)
You are currently looking through all reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by sinner and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.
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Super C review (NES)Reviewed on May 14, 2004In an age when gaming is grappling against its own impending emasculation, the few, stoic Splinter Cells and Dead to Rightses will only stand for so long. For these brave soldiers of a hopeless war will only be able to support this faltering fortress until their backs have broken. And when the flamboyant Final Fantasies and eccentric Pokemons have finally stolen the breath of these last survivors, the men of our hobby will look back to a better time. |
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Dungeons & Dragons: Tower of Doom review (ARC)Reviewed on April 25, 2004Don't be duped. |
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Akumajou Dracula X: Gekka no Yasoukyoku review (SAT)Reviewed on March 14, 2004Fulfillment |
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The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past review (SNES)Reviewed on March 14, 2004Take Super Mario World. The same level aesthetic, the same goofy tree sprites, the weird ''Mushroom Kingdom'' look of it all. Apply a steamroller over the game at a 45 degree angle and call the result an ''isometric overhead perspective.'' Replace Mario with a squat, short-bus rendition of the fabled ''Link'' character. |
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Spider-Man & Venom: Separation Anxiety review (SNES)Reviewed on March 14, 2004Sit still. Breathe, blink a few times. Prepare for the most illuminating, hell-harbingering revelation the gaming world has ever seen. Prepare for the naked truth about the miserable Separation Anxiety: |
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Final Fight review (SNES)Reviewed on March 14, 2004Final Fight was originally released with the benefit of being alone in the next generation (of its era, 16 Bit) beat 'em up field. It started to really suck to be Final Fight when Streets of Rage was released; Streets of Rage came along and made Final Fight its female dog. Streets of Rage excels at making a semi-decent game look worse... Simply put, Final Fight is a sissy in the light of a better game. |
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Earth Defense Force review (SNES)Reviewed on March 14, 2004If you take a child to an expensive restaurant, he'll stare vacantly at the menu. He'll skip past the forty dollar steaks slathered in twenty dollar mushroom sauce. He wants nothing to do with anything called ''parmigiana'' or ''primavera.'' He'll search the menu with a look of desperation and defeat as he cannot find macaroni and cheese with cut-up hot dogs, a dollar-store bargain meal he loves for lack of exposure to better food. |
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Axelay review (SNES)Reviewed on March 14, 2004The stage: The Dread Pirate Shooterfan, after successfully delighting in the vast shooter libraries of the glorious Genesis and the timeless Turbo, chances upon the SNES... here he must face a battle of wits with the superhype machine itself: |
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After Burner III review (SCD)Reviewed on March 14, 2004Mark my words: no game has been as thoroughly sodomized as Sega's AfterBurner. Think the Game Boy Advance is littered with horrid ports? How about the GBC with its laughable versions of otherwise successful games? You see, you know what you're getting with Nintendo's portables. Their drastically inferior hardware and minute visibility, for instance, will quell any real expectation you may feel grow for a port arriving for the systems. But Sega took it to the next level with AfterBurner. |
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Panzer Dragoon Saga review (SAT)Reviewed on March 14, 2004Beyond life follows death, but for the most important of all dragon riders, beyond his death is his life, again. Death brings him his destiny, and death raises him from the commoner depths of labor and servitude to the forefront of the struggle between a world and its damnation. Edge, the youth who experiences this soul-altering transformation, dies at the outset of this, the single greatest RPG the world will ever see. He's resurrected and saved from his demise by a dragon, a magnificent beast ... |
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Three Sisters' Story review (PC)Reviewed on March 14, 2004You click and click and click. At first, the story seems interesting because it feels just around the corner from some hot, lusty naked cartoon action. Oh yeah, you're just a few scrolls of text away from the throbbing thrillhammer, huh... Yeah, just keep reading that insipid story about a family torn apart by corporate greed. The backdrop sets itself fast enough and the pace seems set to race toward wild teen orgies at any moment. |
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Castlevania review (NES)Reviewed on March 14, 2004The name is worth a lot and you know it because it means something to you. You played it when you still had your youth, when you still loved birthday parties and still thought girls were gross. You loved Castlevania and it is as old as your love for games. Castlevania was ahead of its time; you've watched the world and the world of videogames change, and you've seen that the power of Castlevania seems to transcend these changes. |
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Zombie Revenge review (DC)Reviewed on March 14, 2004And so march the dead, yearning to be truly asleep, to escape their involuntary, macabre commitment to lifeless motion. They drone around, unsure of their actions or even of their existence. Their mouths hang from a lack of tissue vitality and their persistent lumbering speaks of their uncertainty of their own being. They've not even been granted the decency of death; their ''lives'' are aimless and torturous. They don't even desire life anymore- they just yearn to no longer spend foreseeable et... |
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Virtua Fighter 3tb review (DC)Reviewed on March 14, 2004Virtua Fighter 3tb is not for everyone. |
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