Review Archives (All Reviews)

You are currently looking through all reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by JoeTheDestroyer and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
	Final Fantasy IV: The After Years review (WII) Reviewed on June 04, 2011 This is what happens when you stretch a story out longer than it needs to be.	2/5
	Saints Row review (X360) Reviewed on May 27, 2011 And while GTA has been veering towards a less ridiculous narrative, Saints Row begs not to be taken seriously. One scene features your character flying out of a vehicle at 60 MPH and skidding along the pavement. Instead of dying or winding up in critical condition, he shrugs it off like he stubbed his toe.	3.5/5
	Last Action Hero review (GB) Reviewed on May 22, 2011 Fists. That's it. There are no guns, no grenades, not even a knife, a sword or a broken bottle. The only time you do get to use a weapon in this game is for one boss battle, but outside that you have to punch both of the different enemies to death.	1/5
	Total Recall review (NES) Reviewed on May 15, 2011 Punch out the midgets and it's time to move down the street where you'll be ambushed by single-shot security guards, attacked by hitmen who pop out of garbage cans, and eventually tangle with what's best described as The Glory Holes of Doom.	1.5/5
	Pit-Fighter review (SNES) Reviewed on May 12, 2011 "Blood Sport" it ain't...	0.5/5
	Limbo review (X360) Reviewed on May 10, 2011 Hell is where the heart is.	4/5
	Godzilla review (C64) Reviewed on May 04, 2011 Has there ever been a Godzilla movie where the military succeeded in defeating him without the help of another monster or a cockamamie invention? No. Congrats, you're the first nimrod in history to accidentally kill Godzilla with the military.	0.5/5
	Sea Monster review (A2600) Reviewed on April 30, 2011 Sea Monster is another obscure Atari 2600 game lost in the depths. The name might stir the imagination and prompt a lover of esoterica to search it out. You might think the game sets you up as the eponymous beast devouring snack after snack--sharks, whales, unwary swimmer--and racking up points.	1.5/5
	Bart Simpson's Escape from Camp Deadly review (GB) Reviewed on April 27, 2011 Escaping the woods to the mess hall offers no solace. There the platforming is nixed and an all out food fight ensues. While this sounds like an exciting battle royale involving food and foolery, it's merely a scene of straightforward side-scrolling with the occasional press of the B button. Leave it up to Imagineering to make murdering someone with a hamburger or piece of broccoli feel tedious.	1.5/5
	Pac-Man review (A2600) Reviewed on April 23, 2011 Near-death experiences result in a dead Packy lying in a pool of ectoplasm. Tempting fate, moving recklessly and taking chances were what Pac-Man was all about. Take that away and you rob the game its soul.	1/5
	Vice: Project Doom review (NES) Reviewed on April 13, 2011 If you need a break from the slashing and running, there a few driving and rail shooter levels. Yeah, Vice is like The Adventures of Bayou Billy, except fun. What better way to break from laser-whipping animals and Asian stereotypes than plugging a few bullets into ninjas?	4.5/5
	Ninja Crusaders review (NES) Reviewed on April 06, 2011 Turns out the shurikens aren't getting the job done. They provide great range, but our ninja may as well be throwing butter knives.	2.5/5
	Ufouria review (NES) Reviewed on March 31, 2011 Think of it as Mario meets Metroid. So... Marioid? Metrio?	3.5/5
	Epic Dungeon review (X360) Reviewed on March 24, 2011 Rogue done right	4.5/5
	Yoshi's Cookie review (NES) Reviewed on March 20, 2011 Using minimal wit, you are tasked with moving the cookies around to form matching rows and columns with the hopes of clearing the them out. Yes, it's as boring as it sounds.	2.5/5
	Osmos review (PC) Reviewed on March 16, 2011 Hemisphere Games put some real thought into this game. They didn't want you walking out thinking it was a loveless affair. Each new situation adds to the addiction and stimulates your gray matter and your gall, putting together a solid plan on the fly and having the brass put it into effect, even when it seems you may fail.	4/5
	Bucky O'Hare review (NES) Reviewed on March 12, 2011 Each scene plays out like a perilous mini-adventure, forming levels like rough and rugged trips through amusements park in hell. The adventure is stupendous, even if the combat is so-so.	4/5
	Zunou Senkan Galg review (NES) Reviewed on March 10, 2011 The diva sees you struggling, curls her fat lips into a smug smile, and makes another demand. “Oh, and do that without continues,” she says with a sassy shake of her hips. You get three lives in ZSG and not a single continue. It demands that you grab 100 pieces from a potential 100 or more levels without getting a single game over, and with only one hit per life.	1/5
	Final Fantasy review (NES) Reviewed on March 05, 2011 There was a time when most of my friends were discovering girls and I was completely ignoring them. I had bigger things to worry about, like how to best destroy Kary and restore the fire crystal. While most of my friends were talking about boobs and making out, I was talking about swords and critical strikes. Final Fantasy was one of those gateways to the realm of extended virginity, but it was a blast.	3/5
	Quattro Adventure review (NES) Reviewed on March 03, 2011 Masochists never back down from a challenging or particularly awful game. We do, however, tend to shy away from multiple turkeys on one cartridge. It's as though Codemasters knew our weakness and developed Quattro Adventure to break us. No, not developed; turned loose. Many were wounded, some even perished, but a few rose their heads up high and said, “I survived Quattro Adventure!”	1.5/5

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