Total Recall (NES) review
"Punch out the midgets and it's time to move down the street where you'll be ambushed by single-shot security guards, attacked by hitmen who pop out of garbage cans, and eventually tangle with what's best described as The Glory Holes of Doom."
Schwarzenegger and NES seem like a match made in heaven. Take the badassery in his flicks and convert it to 8-bit, and oh the possibilities. One might think of a game where Arnold punches random scumbags in the face and guns down those who didn't line up for their tooth-loosening. The idea of making a balls to the wall action side-scroller is a no-brainer. And yet no one went for it. But one game, Total Recall, at least tried, albeit not hard enough.
You might think it starts with a good old fashion beat down. Or maybe Arnie's going to gun some thugs and mutter some snazzy one-liners. Instead you get pulled into a back alley by a midget wearing fuchsia pajamas. He tries to kill you by throwing the occasional karate kick and jumping back and forth like he has profound brain damage. In better games this would be where you bust out the old .44 or nine-mil and plug a few bullets into his head. Arnie, however, just throws punches that seldom hit. If you don't connect that meaty fist with the hairy midget face down to the exact pixel, then your shots will pass through him.
This is the story with most of the game. You spend about a third of it punching everyone from homeless guys to Sharon Stone, and about half of that missing because of the hit detection.
Punch out the midgets and it's time to move down the street where you'll be ambushed by single-shot security guards, attacked by hitmen who pop out of garbage cans, and eventually tangle with what's best described as The Glory Holes of Doom.
Community review by JoeTheDestroyer (May 15, 2011)
Rumor has it that Joe is not actually a man, but a machine that likes video games, horror movies, and long walks on the beach. His/Its first contribution to HonestGamers was a review of Breath of Fire III.
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