Whiteout
November 16, 2009

So, yesterday, clearly bored out of my mind, I went to the movies to see a movie. Really, I was with the girl with no real plans on what movie I wanted to see so we went to see the first one that played, which was Whiteout.

I cried.

I wept.

Not even Kate Beckinsale's glorious naked form could save this move from being an utter disaster. Such awful dialogue, such catastrophic acting...disastrous, and not even in the hilarious sort of way.

I have no problems with "tough-as-nails" woman character going all "GIRL POWER RAAAAR" in a movie(even though in this one every moment when said power was tried, it was bullshit of the highest sort) if it's done right, but here it seems like all it did was piss the viewers with pure lack of charisma, intelligence, or even capability.

With such brilliant deductions that would make Sherlock Holmes seem like a retard, like when they see a plane under a mountain of fucking ice she says, inspired "This plane must have crashed!" in the best tradition of Resident Evil's Jill Valentine when in the first game she notices a dead body in a pool of crimson and asking if that's blood.

Only to, seconds afterwards she makes such an observation that would shame the entire cast of every CSI team put together when with a single look she manages to deduce EXACTLY what happened to the crew down to the last fucking detail.

I implore you reader. Never, ever go to the movies to see this, or even rent it out on the DVD. The worst part is, that I heard the graphic novel this was based on is sort of good.

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wolfqueen001 wolfqueen001 - November 16, 2009 (09:46 AM)
XD! This is hilarious because this is almost exactly how I felt about the movie, and I saw it under similar contexts two months ago!

The movie really is bad, though I thought it was bad for different reasons. haha. Like, the "horror" was just poorly done, and not even all that believable. The only really gross part was when her exposed hand stuck to the frozen iced-over door and pulled away in a really disgusting fashion. But, aside from that, I wasn't really repulsed anywhere else.

So, to me, it wasn't necessarily the 'bad acting' or overly done 'badassery' that got me. I'm bad at judging those sorts of things anyway. But it was the overall concept of the movie that just made it... eh... Like, really; it's the kind of explications for murder you'd expect to see in an MGS title or something. LOL

A lot of it just seemed pointless, too. And we were kind of making fun of it throughout the movie. Like at the beginning, during the exccessively lengthy shower scene, my friend was like, "Pay attention to this now; it's important to the plot!" haha.

Clearly it was just fan service. Still, that was a good day. I like making fun of hopelessly bad things.
darketernal darketernal - November 17, 2009 (07:51 AM)
It's a movie made by Satan's retarded cousin George, and should thus burn in the deepest fiery pits of Hell.

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