If I say that I'm happy enough as it is being on my own - and can remember specific moments when it's rang significantly true - then why is most of my lonesome time spent feeling like an old gentleman with the blues?

More curious; if I'm content like I find, then why in the hell is it any bother?

I can't figure out love - but it's not even love. Depending on your outlook and philosophy, truth behind that matter may not ever exist. More seriously important is the ability to run the track.

Unaware, I know what I'm looking for but not how to go about introducing myself to the world. There's nothing so desperate at hand that would make me say it's of any urgency, but it still gets on my nerves. Shyness isn't as much of an issue as it was years ago for as long as I can recall; now, it's the awkward-at-heart sensation.

I often say that I feel like an old man - not in body, but in spirit. I appreciate the simplicites of life and put more of my emphasis on presence rather than conversation. I can hold my own at my very best, if you'd wish:

I don't have much to say.

Going further than that, I don't do much. I make sure that I look after myself and keep my physical|spiritual centers as healthy as I'm able - other than that, I spend most of my time in contemplation or in an appreciative silence of the subtleties of the world around me.

I suppose I am content by myself. Thing of it is, I'm aware that I'm missing out on something; on values of trust and relation and experience that I hold very dear. Principles like that make the world a more exciting and colorful place to be. If I see a couple holding hands and sharing a pleasant moment, I say a prayer in thanks to whichever god decides to listen in.

And although I try never to curse the happiness or fortune of others, I do grasp the lyrics of Morrissey closely for a reason.

There are times when I wonder why none of the fortune can fall on me and when two lovers entwined pass me by, the heavens know that I'm miserable.

What is a boy to do?
Nothing.
You've got to live through it before you can become a man.

How that happens, I'm oblivious.
But here's hoping.

: )

Sentiments and salutations to the HG staff and community,

CRUSH

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