"Though each leading lady to a certain extent has her own personality, they mostly share an obsession for your penis and will request regularly that you prove your love for them with your genitals. Similarly, the moment when you first do the deed doesn't ever feel right. One minute you're chatting it up and the next you're swapping spit and falling onto the nearest surface for a quickie while your partner professes embarrassment but wiggles her body so you can penetrate deeper. Whether she's wearing a nurse's habit (the fetish this game is most clearly meant to satisfy) or a nun's habit (an odd inclusion, but one that works), your woman of choice behaves the same."
When a game has a title like I'm Gonna Nurse You (or Kango Shicyauzo for those of you who live in Japan), there are all sorts of directions that you might expect it to go. When I add that the game in question is of the hentai variety, you'll probably get an even better idea of the flow of things. You'll perhaps suppose that it begins as a tragic skiing accident leaves a young man snowed in at a mountain lodge as a squadron of nubile nurses comes to the rescue and competes for his sexual attention. That probably would have made for an interesting premise, but alas, it was not to be...
I'm Gonna Nurse You would rather play things by the book.
The rather unremarkable story actually revolves around a young doctor named Shinobu Nakagawa. As the opening scenes unfold, he's not skiing on a mountain. He's standing in a hospital, trying to muster up the courage to ask a nameless nurse out on a date. Before he can follow through on his awkward overtures, the phone rings. The person on the other end is a woman named Kaede Maioka. She happens to be the person who raised him when his parents died. He had a bit of a thing for her at the time (call it puppy love) and she still exerts a great deal of control over his life. Now she informs him that she has secured a position for him at the school where she works. He will be an instructor there, if he wishes--and even if he doesn't--and will help her to train a group of energetic young women to become nurses. It's not exactly what he has in mind, but he's never been good at refusing Kaede.
Shinobu is soon reintroduced to Kaede's daughter, Momiji Maioka. The girl is ecstatic about his return and, as he notices, she has grown a rather nice pair of tits in his absence. She's not afraid to use them to her advantage, either, since she happens to think that she and "Bro" ought to maybe get married someday. This is hentai, remember?
With the introduction of the first two potential love intrerests out of the way, the game quickly adds three more. They are: Nanana Yoshino, who is best friends with Momiji but not afraid to steal the object of her affections; Chisa Mutsuki, the student class president; Emi Katakura, the local nun. Besides Shinobu, they are the only characters that the game's developer even bothered naming. Anyone else is just an NBC (non-boinkable character).
After introducing the key players, I'm Gonna Nurse You goes through its remaining motions with the same proficiency that it lavished upon the premise and characters. The general flow each time you play goes something like this: you either read or skip through the introductory scenes that set up the story, then you get to make a choice as two girls tug on your arm and you decide which one you will tell to stop pulling on your new uniform. This determines whether you try to keep your penis in the adopted family (if you chasten Nanana) or let it soar to new horizons (if you rebuke Momiji). From there, you'll continue making choices at key junctures until you eliminate all but the object of your most passionate affection. Then you'll be allowed to make several more perfunctory choices and the game ends. Do this for all five leading ladies and there's an additional harem ending where everyone gets together for a merry romp.
If you're looking for a story that will get you emotionally involved, or for one where the characters behave in a realistic manner, you're checking into the wrong genre and definitely placing your hopes on the wrong game. Though each leading lady to a certain extent has her own personality, they mostly share an obsession for your penis and will request regularly that you prove your love for them with your genitals. Similarly, the moment when you first do the deed doesn't ever feel right. One minute you're chatting it up and the next you're swapping spit and falling onto the nearest surface for a quickie while your partner professes embarrassment but wiggles her body so you can penetrate deeper. Whether she's wearing a nurse's habit (the fetish this game is most clearly meant to satisfy) or a nun's habit (an odd inclusion, but one that works), your woman of choice behaves the same.
Some hentai games make up for such narrative shortcomings by including gorgeous artwork and an emotional musical score, but that never really comes together here. The characters' eyes are too big and it's clear from the images that while a lot of attention was lavished on breasts and buttocks, the artist hasn't quite mastered the art of rendering other body proportions. On an aural note, the music and voices that play at key junctures throughout the experience can best be described as "vanilla." Each lady sounds enthusiastic without being ridiculous and the music is peppy or mellow as the current situation dictates, but the overall trend is always to steer away from anything remarkable.
In the end, I'm Gonna Nurse You will succeed or fail for a given gamer based on two criteria: his experience with the genre and his tolerance for predictable plots. There are several things that hentai games can do well enough to make a person forget that he just paid money for a bunch of anime-style drawings of naked women. Unexpected humor, credible character depth, astounding artwork and beautiful music are a few examples. When Trabulance developed this effort, though, the apparent goal was to play things safe. The result is a competent and generally inoffensive entry in a genre known for its welcome tendency to embrace the unexpected. It's not a bad starting point if you're interested in sampling what hentai has to offer, but don't expect to remember it for long.
Staff review by Jason Venter (April 27, 2009)
Jason Venter has been playing games for 30 years, since discovering the Apple IIe version of Mario Bros. in his elementary school days. Now he writes about them, here at HonestGamers and also at other sites that agree to pay him for his words.
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