I was flirting with this girl at a party a couple weeks ago and we kind've hit it off. No sex, no make outs, no exchange of phone numbers, just a very pleasant evening of flirting until she had to leave to not be hung over for work in the morning. More on that in a minute. A little aside first.
There was also a transvestite at the party and we flirted something major, too. Cause, you know... I'm bi... and I like to flirt. Anyways, we're really hitting it off when one of our friends comes up, slaps this trannie on the back and exclaims, "So, Alan. You've met Jonathan. This guy (pointing to me) is the one who sucked you off at last year's party."
Alan looked at me... "that was you?"
I looked at him... "that... oh that was you."
Then we didn't speak for the rest of the night.
Anyways, it was a pretty hilarious incident and one which I'll probably always get a laugh from. I didn't really think much more about the beautiful girl I'd flirted with. After all, nothing had come of it.
Then tonight I found out that, Sunday, she had been run over by a car and killed.
Now I'm not one to get affected by death, at least not in the past. I've had friends who have killed themselves, relatives die... it's just never affected me heavily. I see it as the natural end of life. Until tonight.
Somehow, this girl who had come into my life for a couple hours and had been little more than a friendly smile during drunken attempts at conversation (hard to talk over blaring metal)... somehow her death had broken my heart and crushed my soul.
You never know when death is going to affect you. That, and some wrongful accusations made by a classmate that I'm a hateful racist, have had me silently crying all night.
All I can think of is her face. The tears are not coming out, but I wish they would.
I'm not looking for pity or anything. It's just a moment I thought had to be recorded.
|Most recent blog posts from Jonathan Stark...|
|zippdementia - November 04, 2009 (01:02 AM)
|Halon - November 04, 2009 (06:46 AM)
That was not the ending to the story that I expected!
|zippdementia - November 04, 2009 (11:14 AM)
Believe me, it was a bit of a shocker to me as well.
|randxian - November 04, 2009 (06:55 PM)
Sorry to hear about that man. :(
|honestgamer - November 04, 2009 (10:58 PM)
When I was in high school, there was a girl I met a few times and talked with. We hit it off pretty good, but we didn't have a lot of chances to interact because of distance. Then she died in a car crash. It messed with my head for awhile. I didn't cry or even really want to cry, but it definitely makes a person think. Sometimes life sucks, but there's always something good around the corner if you're ready to look for it!
|joseph_valencia - November 04, 2009 (11:39 PM)
I used to know this girl back in Elementary School. We regularly talked to each other throughout fifth grade, because I sat next to her in class. After that, we didn't see one another for a few years 'til high school. Throughout those four years, we'd occassionally bump into each other and exchange a few words. Then towards the end of my senior year, I was in art class and *BAM!* a P.A. announcement about her death.
Later, it was decided that a seat would be left empty at our graduation ceremony to honor her. I ended up seated next to the empty seat. I'm not keen on stuff like religion or pre-destination or spirituality, but to this day I still sometimes wonder if it was more than a coincidence.
Maybe it's the reminder of our own mortality, the statistical nature of certain kinds of death; or maybe it's sudden realization of something lost, a friend or a part of our milieu; but these kinds of occurences are unusually haunting. It's something we eventually come to terms with, but I think it's also something that marks a part of our lives forever.
|jerec - November 05, 2009 (04:17 AM)
These stories make me think of not the death so much, but the loss of potential in getting to know someone who might have been very special... but knowing you'll never get that chance.
It's a got a different feel to when a family member or someone you know dies.
|zippdementia - November 06, 2009 (12:17 AM)
I think part of it is how little it will affect my life. Things will probably continue just as they would've if she'd never died. Hell, had I not gone to that party, she'd just be another name in the obituaries. Putting a face to those silent masses who die every day... it's a little enlightening.