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Reader review by JoeTheDestroyer
September 10, 2011
"The original Mega Man? Seriously? Why not play Mega Man 10, or one of the X games? The first one feels like a visit to a Bronze Age exhibit at The Smithsonian."
-Random neighbor
"Mega Man games are like cell phones, dude: new features make the old models redundant."
-Random guy on the street
"People still play that? That came out like, what, 1995 or some long time ago?"
-Random coffee drinker
"Mega who? Is he that guy with the cape and the spandex? Oh, that poor Mr. Reeve, God rest his soul."
-Random old woman
I regret to inform you, Mega Man, that arbitrary people don't regard you with the respect your younger brothers have garnered. For shame! It's not just the non-gamers, either. Some avid gamers regard you poorly as well, but I'm going to let you in on a little secret: you and me are inseparable! That doesn't mean that I think you're a flawless guy, or that you aren't obviously aging. Don't hide that beer gut or your liver spots. I'm not blind!
You know, old buddy, I think it's that we're all spoiled nowadays. We get all bent out of shape when all we see is 'PRESS START' at your title screen. We think, "Where's the password screen?" Yeah, it sucks having to play you in one sitting; that's why I mainly play the Anniversary Collection version of you these days.
I think most of us can look past the lack of a password system and dive right in. It's after the initial screen that we truly start to feel awkward. "What the...? Only six robot masters?" Oil Man and Time Man were not part of the original boss line up--a history lesson for young'uns. We still decide to play along, and some of us pull out our fancy smartphones and Google which order to battle the bosses.
It's like we don't realize that this is where the classic Mega Man idea originated. We aren't totally at your mercy when it comes to level order. We can mix it up, experiment with different orders each playthrough, or even try tackling the toughest enemy first for a real challenge. But what it all comes down to is making mundane ol' Mega Man stronger by stealing a boss's weapon and using it against another boss. Half the fun is trying to figure out for yourself which weapon is a certain boss's bane through trial and error.
We ignore that because we're too fixated on the score at the top of the screen, or searching the menu for Rush, or wondering why we don't slide when we press 'Down+A'. We're too busy calming our frustration when we realize there isn't a single subtank, Beat letter, or visit from Fliptop/Eddie.
You didn't rely on special gimmicks or extra features to move copies. What you had was magical. Maybe not as much as your younger brother Mega Man II, but definitely special. The blend of run 'n gun action and stellar platforming is what I will always remember. I relish fighting off a legion of floating animate flames or blasting shark-faced missiles out of the sky. I still get a giant kick riding the annoying moving platforms in Gutsman's stage. No matter how many f-bombs left my mouth when said platforms dropped me at key points, I still played. You taught me perseverance, and you taught me that jaw-breaking challenge can be addictive. Every time I died, I wanted to push myself further to see how long I could last, how far I could travel. Rising to the occasion always gave me a sense of accomplishment.
But I will say, my ass still smarts over some of your scenes. That first boss in Wily's Castle? Seriously. Beating him was a milestone for me.
Sure, you're not as advanced as many of your brothers, but I can't say you weren't strong where it counted--that you weren't fun, challenging, or addictive. So please stop calling me while drunk at 2 AM, asking me if I think you're still a fun guy, because you are.
What? Hang out tomorrow? I've got plans, dude.
...
Yes, those plans are with Mega Man III, but that's beside the point. I've already told you what I think, now get some rest. And say hello to Dr. Wily's Revenge for me.
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More Reviews by JoeTheDestroyer
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10-Yard Fight (NES)
10-Yard Fight's primitive presentation and mechanics are more detrimental to the game than favorable. |
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Kirby's Dream Land (Game Boy)
Not so dreamy... |
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Zeno Clash II (PC)
It's bigger, badder, and WTFier, but it still needs some fine-tuning. |
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