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Sex Games (Commodore 64) artwork

Sex Games (Commodore 64) review


"I've said it before: if you're into porno games, that's your thing. It doesn't hide the fact that this game is a shallow title that features the barest minimum of interactivity and doesn't make even the least passable usage of its own title. Suggested renaming: Sex Game. "



C'mon people now
Smile on your brother
Ev'rybody get together
Try to love one another right now

-The Youngbloods


Sex Games is a misleading title. It's the not the word “sex”, but that little letter at the end: s. It might lead you to believe that there's a whole plethora of activities in various positions, possibly even multiple mini-games. One might imagine a carbon copy of Konami's Track & Field, except with more genitals. Gives new possibilities for the pole vault, no?

I'm sure both die hard Commodore 64 porn game fans were disappointed when they discovered how misleading that little s was. Sex Games utilizes only one screen after the title. There are no athletic events or engaging mini-games. Instead there are five comic panels, one featuring doggy style action and the others veiled by question marks. You could say it made the best out of a single screen. Two meters divide the sets of panels: one called “lust” and the other called “potency”. By moving the joystick back and forth, you can move the man in and out. The lust meter fills up, but drops when you stop moving. Potency, on the other hand, continually drops. The object is to fill lust before potency runs out. Succeed and you'll advance to the next panel. All you need to do is jerk the joystick back and forth like a froth-mouthed madman.

And therein lies the trouble: filling lust is damn near impossible. With stiff controls, you can barely move the man. The only way to get him in motion is a build a rhythm, but that fails even if you're on cue because of the terrible control response. It is only through the modern technique we call “cheating” that I was able to behold the complete depraved work of Sex Games, featuring different cartoony couples in various positions and requiring the same task. The only difference is in the directions used for each panel. Essentially, you're moving your hand to and fro while holding a joystick and thinking about sex. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Well, er... not that I... okay...

It all culminates in a final giant panel in which all of the men from the previous four panels team up on a single woman.....and each other. The ensuing bisexual orgy is not something you would expect from a porn videogame from the '80s; they tend to feature exclusively straight action. While I don't swing that way, I do have to praise Sex Games for at least thinking outside the box.

I've said it before: if you're into porno games, that's your thing. It doesn't hide the fact that this game is a shallow title that features the barest minimum of interactivity and doesn't make even the least passable usage of its own title. Suggested renaming: Sex Game.

Now let us go back to pretending we've never heard of it.

Rating: 1/10

JoeTheDestroyer's avatar
Community review by JoeTheDestroyer (July 13, 2011)

Rumor has it that Joe is not actually a man, but a machine that likes video games, horror movies, and long walks on the beach. His/Its first contribution to HonestGamers was a review of Breath of Fire III.

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Feedback

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jerec posted July 14, 2011:

Another one of these? Joe, what would your mother think?
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JoeTheDestroyer posted July 14, 2011:

Joe's Mom [with Spanish accent]: Oh, Joey, is so nasty. Why you play that? Ooo, take it away. God, you nasty!

Something like that. :) I'm planning on doing one of these every time I win ROTW.

Maybe.

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