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Street Fighter 2010 (NES) review"From the bottom of my heart, I believe this game is based on a true story. Of course, any mild-mannered human cannot grasp the possibility of this logic being real, but thankfully, you have me to explain the details. See, Ken, of Street Fighter fame, built a time machine and went back to the past, to warn the citizens of yesteryear about the impending hardships of the year 2010. He knew people would consider this crazy, however, especially since his time machine, which would have been the ultima..." |
From the bottom of my heart, I believe this game is based on a true story. Of course, any mild-mannered human cannot grasp the possibility of this logic being real, but thankfully, you have me to explain the details. See, Ken, of Street Fighter fame, built a time machine and went back to the past, to warn the citizens of yesteryear about the impending hardships of the year 2010. He knew people would consider this crazy, however, especially since his time machine, which would have been the ultimate proof, broke after using it once. So he did the next best thing: he became a game programmer, got hired by Capsule Computers, and ghost directed Street Fighter 2010: The Final Fight. Hey, it makes perfect sense to me.
Ken Masters had to make slight changes to his real life accounts, though, because this was a video game, and he knew he had to entertain, not bore, while informing. With that in mind, he made up a plot about how he was a brilliant scientist who was avenging the death of his BFF, while fighting strange creatures from other planets with the help of portals. But if you think really hard about it, you can decipher what he was trying to tell us: on May 16, 2010, at approximately 2:35 p.m. EST, the Ozone Layer becomes so damaged, that half the planet's population gets a bad case of permanent sunburn. The other half, in an attempt to avoid looking at the Uglies, manages to create unstable portal technology to travel from place to place.
Obviously, due to the technology being imperfect, there is a 50% chance travelers will arrive in the wrong location. Knowing this, the Normals donned armored suits and learned the deadly art Hokuto Shinken, just in case they encounter Uglies and have to make them explode. I'm sure Ken didn't wear a fancy, silver suit, like he did in the game, but I'm sure he had something just as effective. And I'm sure it shared the same unusual flaws as the silver suit. In-game, as you take control of Ken, you'll notice he can be really flexible with his movements: Masters can grab onto walls, perform backflips, and hang from ceilings. But, oddly, when it comes to combat, the street fighter has difficulties defending himself in the suit.
He can punch to the left, the right, and upwards with minimal effort, but when you try to make him hit something or someone diagonally or downwards, it becomes an unnecessary struggle. The only way you can attack downwards is when you're airborn, and, get this, you need to do a backflip first for it to take effect. And to perform diagonal attacks, you'll need to tap the attack button while pressing forward. It's not even a proper diagonal attack, either, it curves like it has a mind of its own. You have a better chance of hitting your target with a jump attack than with this weird thing. I mean, I appreciate that you wanted people to understand the turmoils you had to endure, Ken, but this is still a video game. Keep it simple.
The attacking issue is a really big one, because most creatures that you encounter, in places like bars, jungles, and deserts, normally attack you in those spots. So for most of SF2010:TFF, you'll be struggling to position your foes, who move unpredictably, in hittable locations, while constantly being distracted and injured by an unlimited supply of smaller enemies (usually metallic rockets) that approach in multiple directions. It's bad enough that this is tough to begin with, but it only gets harder and harder as you progress. You're going to die a lot, this is a fact. To add to the irritation, your punching powerup, which increases your punching length, downgrades every time you are injured. This is frustrating because stages in this game mostly consist of a closed area with a boss, and you need these powerups to defeat them successfully. Man, as annoying as this is in a video game, I'm dreading the eventual days when I have to experience this in real life.
I applaud Mr. Masters for what he tried to do for humanity, but his efforts have gone either unnoticed or unappreciated. This is because of the finished product, which is plagued with annoying controls and cheap enemy attack patterns. You're probably wondering why he didn't just try warning us again in a different manner. Well, he was unfortunately killed by a speeding moped shortly after the game was released. How do I know all this? Just trust me... So while people will view this as "that weird Street Fighter game", I'll continue to see it as a frustrating, cheap game that tried desperately to caution us about the coming dangers of the not-so-distant future.
You better hold on tight, because 2010 is going to suck.
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