Rumble Roses XX (Xbox 360) review
"The perv ideas begin with the outfits, which range from form-fitting hot pants to your basic wrestling thong. Once you’ve selected your hottie and dressed her as skimpily as you like, choose an arena and get to fighting. Even while duking out, there is sexiness on display, because the holds and throws are executed with a deliberate seductiveness, and the camera, when it doesn’t automatically give you the dirtiest view of the action, offers you manual control so you can do it yourself. Trust me – powerbombs never looked so hot as when you’re looking directly down between the legs of the upside-down victim."
Remember when you used to watch G.I. Joe? I do. I remember specifically, Flint, Duke and Hawk all espousing a certain advice time and time again: namely, “we can’t let [insert weapon/technology here] fall into the wrong hands!”
The Joes were talking about the emergence of Rumble Roses XX on the Xbox 360, and they didn’t even know it. Not that RRXX was created by Cobra--that’s not it at all. The original Rumble Roses was always a skin parade in the flimsy guise of a wrestling game. Now imagine the perverted developers’ delight when the 360 and all its processing power came along with promises of even slicker near-nakedness. I can see the lead developer now, fingers tented, pants down around his ankles.
We let the 360 fall into the wrong hands.
And RRXX is what they hath wrought. And what did I expect? Surely, I anticipated bountiful breasts and invasive up-skirt camera angles – but I also expected some semblance of gameplay, and it was not delivered.
Of what RRXX does well, we can summarize pretty easily: the graphics are the expected step up from the Xbox original, but more impressive than that, is the creativity brought to bear in exploring the female form in as titillating a fashion possible.
Those are the best two things I can say about RRXX: it shows off good graphics and good perv ideas.
The perv ideas begin with the outfits, which range from form-fitting hot pants to your basic wrestling thong. Once you’ve selected your hottie and dressed her as skimpily as you like, choose an arena and get to fighting. Even while duking out, there is sexiness on display, because the holds and throws are executed with a deliberate seductiveness, and the camera, when it doesn’t automatically give you the dirtiest view of the action, offers you manual control so you can do it yourself. Trust me – powerbombs never looked so hot as when you’re looking directly down between the legs of the upside-down victim.
Beyond the regular moves, there are also humiliating special moves whereby you bend your opponent into an especially compromising position, for no other reason than to embarrass her (read: get yourself off watching). Turning your opponent into one of these naughty pretzels has no actual bearing on the outcome of the match, but surely on the outcome of something else.
If that last pun was in bad taste, I’m certainly in keeping with the theme of the game. Because it doesn’t end with the in-match antics. Beating up on one of the girls at the “Queen’s Match” venue will lead to her performing one of a multitude of silly activities as punishment for losing. These antics range from working a hula hoop, to ducking a limbo pole, to performing any number of ridiculous dances. Naturally, the Queen’s Match default outfits for the wrestlers are bikinis. Naturally.
Rounding out the perversion is the option to work on your chosen wrestler, as you would on a vehicle, swapping outfits, fine tuning bust size, strengthening ass muscles and the like. This is modification at its finest. After all, a girl’s gotta look good for her photo shoot. Yup, you can play Playboy photographer and get your wrestler posing for you. Best of all, you can keep the shots you take in a photo album (the photo shots.)
And if all of what is available to you at the onset weren’t enough, winning matches unlocks more poses for your shoots (fancy a horseback ride?), more outfits for your matches (smaller g-strings are available), and more “activities” for losers of Queen’s Match fights to be subjected to.
As derisive as my tone may have been up to this point, it’s only partially sincere. Part of me has thought it prudent to make fun of this juvenilia to keep from looking the part of the dirty old man. The satyr in me was enjoying himself for a time, addicted to, if nothing else, the idea of unlocking more sexy stuff. This is when I realized what I was "playing," and came to my senses.
Because given how difficult it is to unlock things, how much play money is necessary to expand upon RRXX, one realizes two things: one, that the game locks away far too much to begin with; and two, that the game is extremely elementary and repetitive – a discovery made possible only when the allure of the skin wears off and we are left doing the same simple things over and over in order to reveal more, which is, tragically, only more of the same.
The gameplay, such as it is, amounts to this: punch or kick, and if your strikes are countered, try a hold or throw. Drop your opponent one way or the other, and get in a few stomps for good measure. Build your LETHAL MOVE bar by inflicting damage in this way, and hit the trigger button to activate your LETHAL MOVE. A few LETHAL MOVES later, and it's pinfall time. That's one match won, and a few paltry RRXX dollars earned to be used toward further lechery. The only time this formula will vary is when you take the fight to the streets. In these matches, you'll simply drain your opponent's vitality bar, pinfalls be damned.
There's your gameplay in a nutshell. Limited, ain't it? When you also consider the sheer dearth of venues, it quickly becomes apparent that Rumble Roses XX is a gorgeous, member-stiffening exercise in tedium. But an exercise in tedium, nonetheless. Try this game only if you can get it cheap and your curiosity overcomes you. And don't expect its spell to last long. Rumble Roses XX is a quickie at best.
Staff review by Marc Golding (October 07, 2008)
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