Ka-Ge-Ki: Fists of Steel (Genesis) review "''Hey, let's fight!'' is a challenge I issue to people while I am drunk. When sober ''Hey, let's fight!'' sounds as absurd as challenging someone ''Hey, let's play!'' or ''Hey, let's cuddle!'' And cuddling is the last thing I want to do when thinking of Ka Ge Ki's ilk. Ka Ge Ki: Fists of Steel by Sage's Creation is a poorly designed one-on-one brawler set in a world where everybody has illogically large heads and four inch legs. They also taunt you (or you taunt them; I can't tell) by constantly..."

''Hey, let's fight!'' is a challenge I issue to people while I am drunk. When sober ''Hey, let's fight!'' sounds as absurd as challenging someone ''Hey, let's play!'' or ''Hey, let's cuddle!'' And cuddling is the last thing I want to do when thinking of Ka Ge Ki's ilk. Ka Ge Ki: Fists of Steel by Sage's Creation is a poorly designed one-on-one brawler set in a world where everybody has illogically large heads and four inch legs. They also taunt you (or you taunt them; I can't tell) by constantly saying, ''Hey, let's fight!'' in a way you'd say to your best friend, ''Hey, let's get some ice cream!'' 



Apparently the goal is to work your way up the local mafia by beating to death each underling one by one. Like all social hierarchies, each mafia member's position on the totem is dictated solely by his proficiency in physical combat. So you work your way up the abandoned factory skyscraper, one fight per floor. But wait a minute, why do the floors in this building look suspiciously like back alleys? Each floor is equipped with a manhole. Now I haven't been in too many tall buildings, but I've yet to see a manhole on the fourth floor in any structure. 



The purpose of the manhole becomes abundantly clear at the end of each winning fight when the Vince McMahon looking mafia boss comes out and tosses his henchman down into the sewer in anger. It's certainly not the most unusual disposal tactic I've ever seen, but it comes close. 



Your fighting repertoire consists of a pansy punch and an unrealistically unwieldy ''super'' punch. You can also jump twenty feet into the air—an amazing feat to accomplish when you have four inch legs—but it ultimately serves little purpose. You can use it to vault around the ring unchecked, but whatever. Maybe Sage ran out of ideas after exhausting possibilities of both types of punches and struggled to find a use for the third button. I think a better idea would be for it to pick up the manhole so you can use it to make artistic craters in your foe's enormous noggin. 



Each round consists of some number of useless henchmen who die in a single strong punch and one hideous upper-level henchman who requires many hits in the face to kill. I can't figure out why these guys are so ugly; it's bad enough they have huge heads. Maybe these guys got to the top because they could take so many punches. After all those bouts no wonder their faces look like they've been run over by the ugly truck. 



For a game called ''Fists of Steel'' it sure seems my punches are ''Fists of Silk.'' The first few stages are fine, but by the fourth I find myself beating on some fat sumo for about four minutes. It only gets worse as it goes on. Eventually these guys get like three life bars but I can be swiftly killed if I let them get close enough to spit on me. Movement in the arena is fully free in both dimensions but due to poor collision detection and bizarre animation, moves will often not do what you think they will. I can't tell you how many times I've thrown my wimpy ultimate punch only to have the guy walk through my arm and hit me in the face. Whatever, craphead.

Cheering you on (or something) is the poorly sampled crowd. The guys go, ''Uuuuh, uuuuuhhhhh!'' as if they are passing kidney stones, while a girl shouts, ''Mmm, he's not bad.'' Not bad? I just killed two men in two punches and that's all you can say? Come down here and say that to my face you filthy whore! Some guy also insists on saying, ''He fell!'' like some stoned surfer nearly every time someone hits the floor. No crap he fell; I put him there. 



It's games like Ka Ge Ki which give the Genesis a bad reputation in the area of sound. Just as sloppy as the rest of the game, Ka Ge Ki's music is poorly structured and annoying. Making things worse is the fact that the two horrible pieces are played over and over again. 



I just don't get the big heads. I think it's a Japanese thing since there are several other ''big head'' games around, but I can't imagine anybody anywhere thinking Ka Ge Ki is a game worth playing. I hate this game. I don't even have fun when I'm winning, and losing is even worse. Ka Ge Ki is repetitive and boring. It's not even difficult but I can't stand playing it long enough to get to the end. I hate you, Ka Gi Ki. Give me my twenty minutes back.

Community review by whelkman (May 26, 2008) A bio for this contributor is currently unavailable, but check back soon to see if that changes. If you are the author of this review, you can update your bio from the Settings page.