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Thunder Fox (Arcade) review"In the far off future, somewhere in the 1990s, terrorists have taken over the world, terrorizing people and doing other type of terrorist activities. Like saying "GRRR!" and such. They have conquered the land, denying us our freedom of going to Burger Kings, secured the sea, ensuring that we'll never find the city of Atlantis, and have taken the sky hostage, making certain that no more bird droppings hit us. But fret not, freedom lovers! Two brave men, from the awesomely titled ANTI TERRORISM TE..." |
In the far off future, somewhere in the 1990s, terrorists have taken over the world, terrorizing people and doing other type of terrorist activities. Like saying "GRRR!" and such. They have conquered the land, denying us our freedom of going to Burger Kings, secured the sea, ensuring that we'll never find the city of Atlantis, and have taken the sky hostage, making certain that no more bird droppings hit us. But fret not, freedom lovers! Two brave men, from the awesomely titled ANTI TERRORISM TEAM, have taken it upon themselves to fight this army of terrorism. Do they attack aggressively with tanks, high-powered laser guns, and other doomsday devices? No, only wusses hide behind such powerful weaponry. Instead, they do something really manly: they take off their shirts and fight with little knives!
The idiotic enemy, thinking that they got this llama inside the bag, rush the two shirtless wonders with swords when they attempt to break through their defenses. However, they fall, in huge numbers, when they get near the two, as the awesome duo's knives do an absurd amount of damage. They keep coming in numbers with swords, guns, and grenades, but nothing seems to work. Hell, a thunderstorm is even on the enemy's side, with lightning destroying lamp posts and striking the ground, but the two march on. They even hijack a jeep and proceed to run over a couple dozen men, who scream out in pain like Charlie Brown missing a football, until eventually crashing into a few barrels that explode on impact. But don't worry, they get right back up from the wreckage and continue their genocide. Because they don't wear shirts.
The terrorists, having enough of this, sends out a tank to end this slaughter. One, two, and even three blasts from the turret hit our Brave Bastards of Heroism, but it doesn't phase them one bit. The enemy, not having learned anything within the previous 3 minutes, decided to aim for their bulky, sweaty chests. The Fantastic Heroes of Awesomeness make quick work of the tank, damaging the turret with their mighty knives and then blowing the whole thing up with grenades. Not two to rest so easily, mainly because they eat beef jerky and drink Dr. Pepper, they steal some nearby hovercrafts and take to the skies to board an air fortress. Of course, being the Manly Men of Justice that they are, instead of jumping out of their hovercrafts, they decide to stay in them and kill all the unlucky men that venture outside.
Only minutes later, inside, they now have to evacuate the large, flying base before it explodes. Not even scared out of their minds, the Fighters of Punching Your Face In stay on board a little bit just to kill a few more men. Because they can. Eventually, they get tired, hop on jet-skis, and fall to the ocean below, killing even more terrorists. Yes, the action never seems to stop when those two are around, and while it's mostly fun and games for the both of them, the enemy at times use cheap tactics to down our Defenders of Hope and Biscuits. Missiles attack in numbers at random, boulders and spikes fall from the ceiling, and wimpy bosses with shirts attack with strong weapons, killing them in an instant. They even have the audacity to use a tractor with lasers! Unmanliness at its worst. Thankfully, death is nothing to our Men Who Attack Aggressively, as they rise from the dead to kill more.
Because they don't wear shirts. And you shouldn't, either.
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Community review by pickhut (February 02, 2008)
There isn't an Arcade Archives port of Double Dragon 3. This is probably the wisest decision Hamster has made. |
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