Perfect Bowling (NES) review
"It's quite a bold statement to say something is perfect. This is obviously because there are few things on this planet that we can say honestly have no flaws. One of these things, of course, would be a fresh roasted s'more. Another might be Maria Sharapova's body. One thing that we can definitely rule out as perfect though, is Perfect Bowling on the NES. The title isn't so much a bold statement as a dirty lie. This game isn't even worth the title Good Bowling or Mediocre Bowling..."
It's quite a bold statement to say something is perfect. This is obviously because there are few things on this planet that we can say honestly have no flaws. One of these things, of course, would be a fresh roasted s'more. Another might be Maria Sharapova's body. One thing that we can definitely rule out as perfect though, is Perfect Bowling on the NES. The title isn't so much a bold statement as a dirty lie. This game isn't even worth the title Good Bowling or Mediocre Bowling. The best-fitting title, it seems, is 'Don't Waste Your Time' Bowling, because that's what this game is, a pathetic excuse for a bowling simulator.
But then, is this really much of a surprise for anyone? Most bowling simulators follow the same pattern, and this one is no different. First we have to choose between the wide selection of two bowlers, both with no distinctive traits. One is a girl, and the other is a guy that looks like a girl. Neither have different stats or anything like that, and you hardly ever see them when you're bowling, so I guess this option is just thrown in for the hell of it. After that you choose ball weight, which also seems to have absolutely no bearing on the what acutally happens in the game. And with that, it begins.
Things are easy enough to figure out, since they're basically the same as any other bowling simulator: you pick where you want to line up on the lane, then you select hook, then you watch the meter go up, try to hit the top for maximum power, and then press near the red line at the bottom to throw. I don't know what's really fun about doing this same process over and over, not in any game. But it's especially shitty in this game, because the physics are nothing short of awful. Assuming you don't screw up the power or foul on the shot, the ball starts off at a decent speed. Traveling down the lane however, it inexplicably slows down nearly to a stop, regardless of how hard you throw it.
This causes a problem. Not only is there the fact that graphically it looks stupid, but if you put any hook on the ball, at this point it will kick in. Since your ball has basically stopped, the hook will almost definitely send your ball careening into the gutter, assuming its not already there. It wouldn't be surprising if it was though, because you seem to have little control over where the ball actually goes in this game. Your ball basically has a mind of its own and it hates you and wants you to lose. Admittedly, the actual place you're bowling in looks pretty sharp, even if everything else doesn't. I really have no idea where the hell it's supposed to be: your pins are reset by some kind of lazer. Anyway, that's probably the one positive thing that this game has going visually.
Everything else though, is just atrocious. It is all jagged and off in some way: the bowler looks oddly distorted from behind, the lane is way too wide from one view and then thinner from the next, the ball is about a third of the size of the pins when it gets down there, etc. The pin action is also terrible, as random pins just fall down out of nowhere. Sometimes they go through eachother and through the ball. And forget about making a split, because even if you somehow manage to get your ball to the right spot, the pin won't move or knock down the other pins.
So basically, the whole thing is just a waste of time. I'm a fan of bowling and bowling video games, and I couldn't find any enjoyment in this game. It's just not fun. There's way too many flaws in the graphics and physics of the game, plus the gameplay itself is just boring and unoriginal. Go play Strike Force Bowling on the PS2 if you want to see what a real bowling sim should look like. Although Not-so Perfect Bowling has several different play modes, they all suffer the same issues that keep this game in a constant ebb into the deepest trench of gaming bygone.
Community review by iamtheprodigy (August 10, 2007)
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