Xenia (PC) review "Ancient Greece never felt so... ancient... "

No one likes the pedantic dude on the internet who's obsessed with correcting everyone. People especially hate it when this person rolls up and informs everyone that a particular piece of media doesn't fall into a certain genre. I don't want to be that guy, but when a game is advertised as part of a category, I expect it to play as such.

For instance, Xenia's Steam page advertises it as a "Metroidvania" title. Typically, that implies the product on offer is a platformer with a non-linear design and impassible portions of a map, which you can cross after you've secured a new ability or item. Here, though, the game in question offers your standard, linear, level-by-level hack 'n slash platformer experience without any interconnected passageways or new abilities to acquire.

I know I shouldn't get hung up on classification, but when I slap down my dirty dollar on a particular type of video game, I want that type of video game. Xenia's lack of Metroid-style design served only to fuel my disappointment early on, which only got worse as the campaign advanced...



Here, you take the role of a blacksmith from Ancient Greece who's fashioned equipment for himself to rescue his queen from an evil sorcerer. There really isn't much more to the premise than that: you charge through what is presumably Greece and bash vicious animals and robed figures with your sword, stopping only to gather and spend gold on a couple of permanent boosts (either extending your hit points or granting longer invincibility frames) or expensive potions that provide marginal aid.

Even if this affair had been a proper pathfinder, it's not likely it would've been worthwhile. You get that impression the instant you start the game and take in its cheesy presentation, not to mention a soundtrack that captures the essence of someone messing about on a keyboard. Things only worsen as you plod along and fight the blandest of stock enemies, including snakes, beetles, bats, and headless skeletons.

No, the unimaginative bestiary isn't the main problem here; that honor goes to the combat itself. You see, our hero swings his sword in a downward slash with horrible reach. At times, you practically have to hug foes in order to harm them--and hell, there are times where even being right up against them does nothing. This should come as no surprise because hit detection is all over the place throughout this journey. You'll notice plenty of occasions where your sword passes through monsters ineffectively, or even moments where you land on a bed of spikes or a flaming pit and sustain no damage at all instead of dying immediately. Ultimately, the wonky hit detection just adds to the cheese factor.



The only positive I can speak for regards stage design, which thankfully doesn't merely see you moseying to the right. Levels tend to wind and twist around, occasionally sporting brief branches with extra goodies to find. Unfortunately, most of the content you encounter provides standard platformer fare, with crumbling cliffs, moving platforms, wide gorges, and for whatever reason tons of stalactites. I mean, every couple of segments sports either a few or whole rows of stalactites that fall from the ceiling. While their constant appearance might not sound like a big problem, consider that you must stop every time you come across them. Imagine playing an action title with crummy combat, where you need to hold still ever few seconds to wait for stalactites to plummet. Trust me, it gets maddening quickly.

Okay, so there is one more small, laudable perk to this title. I guess I lied a bit. Massive wooden signs crop up at end of some levels, advertising either a "monster" or a "danger", with arrows pointing in two directions. The former takes you to a boss encounter. However, if you hate bosses, you can always take your chances with the latter option, which is a gauntlet of rather tough platforming segments. It's a small, but honestly considerate addition to an otherwise disastrous adventure.

More often than not, I chose the monster and regretted it. In one of these occasions, I squared off against a golem and straight off took a defensive stance so I could watch its attack pattern. Meanwhile, it sat there. I waited longer. It continued sitting. I waited. It sat. I then ran forward, mashed the attack button, and watched the thing explode. It. Never. Touched. Me. Somehow, I found a boss scene worse than the dancing zombies from Monster Party...



Here's the thing: bosses act erratically. Sometimes you enter a room and they don't do anything at all. They make easy prey and you can scotch them without breaking a sweat. However, occasionally you enter their rooms and they go all out on you, never once letting up. I don't know what's going on with their AI routines, but there is no pattern or consistency to them. Most of them merely sit at the far right corner and randomly fire projectiles at you, if they feel so inclined. Others float all over the place and belch out fireballs you can easily dodge. However, sometimes you run afoul of a boss that continuously shoots and doesn't stop, making it nearly impossible to defeat them. Ultimately, these inconsistent battles contribute to Xenia's all-around cheesiness.

There isn't much more to say about this game because it's such a bare bones action piece. I get that a lot of indie games draw from retro titles and are made to feel retro, but this one goes beyond that notion. It comes across more as antiquated, as if it might've been passable in the early '80s. More successful modern faux-retro titles eschew modern sensibilities while also utilizing neat features, speedy mechanics, outstanding combat, or addictive stage designs that revolve more around problem solving. So please understand that while I slate this game, I'm not only doing it because it isn't "Metroid enough" as advertised. I'm doing it because it's thoroughly lacking in personality while providing stodgy mechanics. Even with its decently designed levels, the experience proves to be underwhelming and forgettable at best. At best...

Staff review by Joseph Shaffer (March 22, 2022) Rumor has it that Joe is not actually a man, but a machine that likes video games, horror movies, and long walks on the beach. His/Its first contribution to HonestGamers was a review of Breath of Fire III.