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I`m Turkey (PC) artwork

I`m Turkey (PC) review


"For the birds"




I am ashamed.

I was 'gifted' this 'game,' by a 'friend.'

Play this mystery title, he said, and then review it, no matter what it is, and no matter how bad. What if the code I give you ends up being for an amazing AAA title! Fine, I said, and I inputted the code.

I'm Turkey, showed up on my screen, which was entirely too appropriate. I groaned inwardly, but a deal is a deal.

And so before writing this review, I played I'm Turkey for 12 minutes, and that is why I am ashamed.

It shouldn't have taken me that long to beat.

This is a crudely made single-screen platformer that could have been a school project. It really might have been. Your goal is to guide your turkey avatar from left-to-right, over sharp obstacles (spike-backed turtles or propped up kitchen knives), from grey platform-to-platform, some which move, and most which do not, to each level's exit on the far right of the screen. But there's a catch! The exit won't open until you've collected all the apples on the stage. At least, I think they're apples. And so, whether there is one for the taking, or four, your goal is to grab the fruit and make it safely to the open doorway.

That's it.

There are 12 one-screen levels of this.

That's it.

12 very easy, rudimentary exercises in basic platforming using the arrow keys on your keyboard (what, you thought you'd have controller support?). I considered being charitable and suggesting that I'm Turkey might be a good little exercise for kids getting into gaming, but I suspect most kids will balk at the arrow key control scheme. I can't even speak to the value of product, since the game is apparently delisted from Steam. Even if I could, and the game cost 50 cents, Electronic Super Joy 2 is free right now, and it's a deep, phenomenal hardcore platforming time sink; we know the true cost of Steam games these days is of your time, not money.

All I can say is this: if you are gifted I'm Turkey from a friend, the question to ask isn't, do I have 10 minutes to spare, but rather, what kind of friends do I have?

0.5/5

Masters's avatar
Staff review by Marc Golding (January 14, 2020)

There was a bio here once. It's gone now.

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EmP posted January 14, 2020:

Golding resurrects the ramble in the submissions box to great effect!

Four codes have gone out so far. Two have already been delisted. I've yet to decide who got the worse game; you or Jerec. Time will tell!
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Masters posted January 14, 2020:

Haha, thanks. And to think, I used to write all my reviews this way.
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jerec posted January 14, 2020:

Lucky. My game is so difficult I haven't been able to get past the first screen yet.
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Nightfire posted January 14, 2020:

Holy balls this looks bad. This reminds me of how a certain gaming reviewer surmised that Steam is basically the new Newgrounds.

Also, those "apples" are clearly tomatoes.
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Masters posted January 14, 2020:

Is it clear? There seem to be apple trees in the background, so maybe I was swayed by that...
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JoeTheDestroyer posted January 21, 2020:

Oh man, this sounds just as bad as the game I got, Scream if the Viking.

In fact, it's from the same developer, and is pretty much the same game except Norse-themed.

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