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The Simpsons: Bart vs. the World review

Game: The Simpsons: Bart vs. the World
Platform: NES
Genre: Action (Platformer)
Developer: Imagineering Inc.

Reader review by JoeTheDestroyer

July 21, 2012

I loved Bart vs. the World only because I was ten and a huge fan of The Simpsons. As I played more awful games, and especially recognized that they were awful, I began to realize that I'd seen bits of their awfulness in games I loved. I'd go back every few years and try to remind myself why I adored some of these titles. The end result was not pretty. I came away feeling like a jilted lover, left to brood in my basement with a bottle of hard-a and handful of innocent memories. Memories that were lies!

Unfortunately, I can't rely on my memories of Bart vs. the World to review it. That's why I recently replayed the game, which might explain any suicidal tendencies I exhibited throughout the week. It's here that I have to delve deeper into my memories and stomp out the lies I've told myself.

The first couple of stages were exciting little romps. . .

The truth: The first couple of stages were serviceable at best. The merchant ship can be finished in under a minute with the barest minimum of skill. You run to the left, ascend a mast, run to the left again, done. After that, it's on to some repetitive skateboarding down the Great Wall. While avoiding pedestrians and grooves in the floor, you utilize ramps that send you flying across large gaps. Though this level can be tricky at first, it's all about timing your jump. If you can do that, you're golden. These stages are both amongst the most enjoyable in the game, and that's saying something when you consider how actually dull and easy they are.

I grinned as I took on the first stage of The North Pole: a cave maze. Oh, did I love maze stages . . .

The truth: I hate maze stages. Unless there's some logic behind solving the maze, they're all about wandering aimlessly. Once you solve the maze it loses its power in further sessions, and usually won't have the challenge factor that it did before. Every maze consists of a rail complicated by extra pathways (read: red herrings). Once you know where to go, the red herrings become a huge waste of space. The sad thing is there are quite a few ugly maze stages in Bart vs. the World, and none of them are entertaining. They're tedious and annoying, and usually consist of long or tall stretches of nothing, save for maybe platforms.

They become even more irksome later, where you head to places you wouldn't even think of going. At one point in Egypt, you have to fly up to the head of the Great Sphinx and enter its ear to complete the stage. There's no indication at all that you can do so. Unless you discover it by accident or happen to read Nintendo Power, your chances of surviving that stage are slim.

. . . while searching for the way out of the cave, I came to a zigzag formation of platforms. Bart vs. the World features a lot of careful platforming scenes that will engage the salivary glands of fan of the genre. . .

The truth: The game features a lot of basic platformer scenarios complicated by terrible controls. Not only is the control response stiff, but landing is slippery. That zigzag formation is actually a case against the game's quality. Basically, you jump back and forth many, many times. Most of the time, you'll slip off and have to start over. If you're unlucky enough, you'll even fall and die. I've actually spent an hour or more trying to complete that area before. Succeeding is not only a matter of leaping at the right time, but shifting your momentum back the opposite direction at just the right time. Jumping, something that is key to a platformer and should be accomplished with ease, is way too tricky. Having to do it over and over again is more than punishing, it's torturous.

Later stages grant no solace from platforming hell, the final one especially. It's there you jump from one tiny platform to another, moving right for a long time while dodging skeletons and other horrific creatures. After an eternity has gone by, you ascend and begin to head left. Yet another eternity passes before you ascend and repeat the process. This stage takes ages, and you have to hit every jump just right. Screw up and it's almost certain you will plummet and die. You might be lucky enough to land on a platform below you, but chances are the slippery landing physics will prevent your rescue. There are no continues in this game, either. It's not difficult or uncommon to choke at the final stage and have to start the entire game over.

. . . Each stage was interesting and challenging. I remember well riding icebergs while dodging killer birds, searching the innards of a pyramid, and even charging through a horror movie set in Hollywood. . .

The truth: I remember well cursing on each of those stages, dying multiple times, and even having a tough time beating the game using Game Genie. Yet some of them, like the pyramid and the second pirate ship, were actually quite enjoyable. They give you legit challenges and tough sequences that are actually doable. In one stage, I remember dodging a few dust devils in a vast desert before coming to a pyramid. I ascended the beast and entered it, eventually getting into a scene with narrow platforms that moved up and down. I ended the run with a snake-like collection of boxes that weaved its way around an empty room a la Super Mario World, eventually leading to a door. That was when Bart vs. the World truly showed its worth. There were only a few stages that feature this level of competent game design. It's sad that you have to struggle through a slew of terrible ones to reach them.

. . . All in all, I would say-

Shut up, ten-year-old me. This game must've looked great on paper. The developers probably thought they made a platformer masterpiece, not realizing what a cluster it would turn out to be. The main problems reside in platforming and level design. There are too many mazes and too many instances where you must rely on faulty controls to overcome a series of tricky, tedious jumps. All for what? So you can play the four levels that are actually worthwhile? No thanks. I'll take Simpsons: Hit & Run any day.

Rating: 4/10

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