Review Archives (Staff Reviews)

You are currently looking through staff reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.

Available Reviews
	Gunstar Heroes review (GEN) Reviewed on May 03, 2004 The light tone really is impossible to ignore. It hits you across the face the minute you plug in the title, then turns gracefully on one heel like a figure skater before nailing you in the crotch with another well-timed blow. Visuals are extremely cartoony, and often looked to me like the love child of an affair shared by Street Fighter 2 and The Powerpuff Girls.
	Silpheed: The Lost Planet review (PS2) Reviewed on May 02, 2004 When you consider Silpheed: The Lost Planet, it'll never reminds you of a limping, cigar-smoking gopher. Nor will it make you tap dance on the table. There are a lot of things Silpheed won't remind you of, a lot of things it won't make you do. But if you're a casual shooter fan, it will remind you of the fun shooters from days of old, and it will make you grin.
	Kickle Cubicle review (NES) Reviewed on April 28, 2004 Suddenly, you run into an enemy and 'Game Over' plops onto the screen. Your carefully-groomed score is reset to nothing, and you continue to find yourself on the screen you just left. At this point, there are two potential reactions. The first is utter despair because all that hard work amounted to such a puny high score. The second is complete relief that you don't have to replay some of those earlier stages. Unfortunately, most every player is going to lean toward the latter.
	The Great Circus Mystery Starring Mickey & Minnie review (GEN) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 When Capcom released its first game for the Genesis, I wanted to spit at the company for turning traitor. Capcom was Nintendo's homey. Everyone knew that. Things got even worse when they ported The Magical Adventure to the Genesis. The title was one of my favorites for the Super Nintendo, and I selfishly wanted to keep that joy to myself, out of the hands of the poor saps stupid enough to support the Genesis instead of Nintendo's system. In the good old days, I was the worst sort of fanboy. Eventually, my disgust with Capcom caused me to disregard all their Genesis releases, and so it wasn't until just recently that I discovered they also released the follow-up to The Magical Quest. It's called The Great Circus Mystery, and it's one of the most recent additions to my collection. As it turns out, it's also not quite the fun that its predecessor was.
	Phelios review (GEN) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 Persevere and you’ll witness the standard ‘cave with intestines wiggling in the background’ level, a sky palace where knights flanking you from the rear try to drive lances up your butt, and even a zone where you have to shoot rolling blocks to prevent them from crashing into others and bursting into shrapnel. None of this matters, though, because you’re too busy hoping the portions in between will just end. Not good at all when there are only seven rather short stages in the whole game.
	Championship Pro-Am review (GEN) Reviewed on April 24, 2004 It begins to feel like you're sliding around the course, rather than taking advantage of the tight steering you enjoyed early on. Meanwhile, your opponents are doing the same all around you and just ahead. Missiles become extremely important, particularly on final laps, and there's very little that can be more frustrating than pressing the 'B' button only to find that you've used your last shell.
	Terranigma review (SNES) Reviewed on April 21, 2004 Terranigma is a bore. There are no two ways about it. Any typically cutesy charm, any simple fun, have been undermined by the title's illusions of grandeur -- it spends so much time trying to manifest a slow build that it just feels slow. Who wants to spend their first two hours or so with an action-RPG slashing at potato bugs and little plants? We are continually assured that greatness is on its way, but the lead up is so tedious that we soon become indifferent as to the possibility of its arrival.
	Burger Time review (NES) Reviewed on April 18, 2004 Several times, Sammy has come face to face with the white devil, only to find himself choking and sputtering on salt as the deviant rushed past. While it's true that the chef has only a limited supply of salt, he can pick up more containers throughout the area (and oft is wont to do so). When a soldier like Sammy is stunned on salt, it's all too easy to fall to his doom before he has a chance to recover.
	Gladius review (XBX) Reviewed on April 16, 2004 The moves characters can learn are determined by class. Even within that limiting structure, though, the player is forced to make decisions. Each character will have an assortment of moves available, but you must choose the ones you feel best suit your fighting style. The game cautions you that a lack of foresight will cause things to grow more difficult for you, and it isn't joking.
	Wings of Wor review (GEN) Reviewed on April 12, 2004 Welcome Wor. Brace up, you've got a nasty business ahead to be sure. Six levels of side-scrolling shooting action await you. Spread your ethereal wings and steel your warrior's heart, because this Genesis mission offers up more sheer bullet count -- more grotesquerie -- than you'll likely be prepared for.
	Hokuto no Ken: Seiki Matsukyu Seishi Densetsu review (PSX) Reviewed on April 11, 2004 Yeah, I had seen quite a bit of the TV show, and it was alright. The movie sucked. But the video game, OH MY FRIGGIN' GOD. Call me a "Fist" fan, effective immediately!
	The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers review (GCN) Reviewed on April 08, 2004 The trouble with The Two Towers, which chronicles the middle chapter (beginning with Frodo still in the care of The Fellowship) of the series, is that it pays so much obvious loving attention to the movie it is borne of, that the gameplay elements seem an afterthought, left under-ripe and wholly unsatisfying. Powerful cinematic moments such as The Battle at Helm's Deep are reduced to novelty, superfluous small screen re-enactments followed up rather clumsily by limited, repetitive Golden Axe-esque gameplay. You'll remember Golden Axe? Perhaps not -- it's a very old game. It featured three characters: one fast, one strong, and one in-between. And so, meet Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn.
	Disney/Pixar Finding Nemo review (GCN) Reviewed on April 07, 2004 Finding Nemo alternates between being boring and bad. Lest you conclude simply that I was not the intended target market, consider two things: firstly, the movie managed the enviable task of capturing the attention and imaginations of children and adults alike. And secondly, my young nephew was as bored with the proceedings as I was, turning quickly to his Gameboy Advance to play some of his old games. Kids like new. Finding Nemo's inability to engage cannot be understated.
	Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six 3 review (XBX) Reviewed on April 06, 2004 In one area, for example, the game warned me as I snuck through an alley that I should be careful not to be caught in a crossfire. Good advice, I figured, so I took things slowly and carefully. I made it through the alley just fine, so I signaled for my men to follow. And so they did, but they apparently galloped through and suddenly I lost one of my team as terrorist guns blazed. I dashed back and took out one of the terrorists myself, or losses may have been even more significant.
	Virtua Fighter 4: Evolution review (PS2) Reviewed on April 05, 2004 Not one of the crew feels half as limber as he or she ought to. When your opponent is a few feet away, it's not uncommon to watch both characters limp toward one another on-screen for a second or two before either is within range of the other. Even when it comes time to exchange blows, things don't speed up quite enough. The fastest fighters can get in a few good punches in short order, but every kick I've found takes long enough that you'll be tempted to hop up and make some microwave popcorn every time your character attacks with a roundhouse.
	I-Ninja review (GCN) Reviewed on April 03, 2004 Even when the ninja falls down a pit, or collapses from exhaustion after a difficult fight where the enemies get in too many hits, it's difficult to turn off the game just because you know there's something cool waiting just around the corner. The game accomplishes this in a number of ways. First, it keeps things fresh with all the different objectives already discussed. And second, it has a power-up system that fits the game and becomes almost instantly addictive.
	Hellfire review (GEN) Reviewed on April 03, 2004 This review has big plans. It tells me it wants to be the most useful review I’ve written so far. I’ve written some pretty ones, and some gushy ones, and a good share of tripe, along with the odd nostalgic recollection. But never something this entirely useful. Because let’s face it: the only way you’ll even give Hellfire a second glance even at the miniscule prices it will sell for at a pawn shop, is if you’re a hardcore horizontal shooter fan. And so you are that. And so, almost certainly, you won’t hesitate to give up your McDonald’s apple pie money for Hellfire in order to get your 16-bit blast on. I can’t stop you. I won’t even try.
	Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour review (GCN) Reviewed on April 01, 2004 As the meter fills toward the left, you can press the 'B' button instead of the 'A' button. This is a subtle but very important difference. While pressing 'A' causes the game to hold you by the hand and automatically give you a good swing, pressing the 'B' button puts the control more directly in your hands. While you are more likely to slice the ball and send it into a nearby bunker, you also have additional options.
	Cotton 2 review (SAT) Reviewed on March 27, 2004 Beams of white light streak across the screen, flaming scarlet dragons roar from the wand, bright blue frozen enemies bounce off the walls, and in general lots of things explode and shatter in ways that look oh-so-painful yet oh-so-pretty. This witchy little tale offers a lot of opportunity to use, abuse, and master your techniques — all in a world that's so beautiful that you'll blissfully drool the whole way through.
	Mickey's Adventures in Numberland review (NES) Reviewed on March 24, 2004 Scattered throughout the various locations are magical digits. If Mickey brushes into them, they're added to his inventory. More frequently, you'll find them sealed in a box you must destroy. If for some reason you forget what a given number looks like (which would be pretty dang stupid of you, considering the current desired number is displayed near the bottom of the screen), Mickey will brush against it and shake his head disapprovingly.

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